Work: Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with... - FML

By oooops - 24/01/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 709

You deserved it 36 214

Vulture

Compromises

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

By bad date - 13/06/2012 04:42 - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 266

You deserved it 3 707

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 02:00

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 499

You deserved it 303

By EpicFail - 25/01/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 207

You deserved it 2 706

Never name-drop

By Kayla - 16/01/2021 11:02 - United States - Wenatchee

Today, I had a job interview. I have another job I want to leave, but haven't said anything yet. At the interview, I mentioned where I worked, and the interviewer name-dropped my manager. She then told me he was her step brother. So much for not wanting my manager to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 14:50 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 788

You deserved it 2 838

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 286

By yourmom - 21/09/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 950

You deserved it 9 496

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 16:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 537

You deserved it 11 232

By Diana - 05/07/2018 01:30

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 777

You deserved it 352

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 23:56 - United States - La Verne

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 41 575

Cool mom

By hmh - 21/09/2021 08:00

Today, I tried to give my mom a hug, but she pushed me away and yelled at me for trying to hug her while she’s angry. When I asked how I was supposed to know, she replied, “Read my fucking body language, idiot!” I’m diagnosed autistic and she knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 92

You old fool

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 17:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 53

By coloris - 03/08/2019 00:01

Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 119

Is that a pass then?

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 11:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a piano exam, for which I'd worked hard. I went in, and the examiner asked me to play some scales. I was so nervous, I played 3 octaves and then realised I'd ran out of space. I might have then said, "FUCK!" really loudly… and she heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 339

By Username - 27/01/2010 08:35 - France

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 765

You deserved it 8 947

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 467

You deserved it 8 074

By Whyme - 09/01/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 216

You deserved it 6 473

Constant flow

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 20:01

Today, my granny called me to, "Come change me please, I just peed." I interrupted what I was doing, walked over to her bed, pulled down her covers and was just about to go for the pad when she said, "Actually... I'm still peeing. Come back in a couple of minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 111

By Mewsmash - 01/01/2016 16:23 - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 200

You deserved it 1 530

Never ever

By notgettinsome - 10/11/2013 06:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 146

You deserved it 5 203

By CorpDrone - 03/11/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I came in to work and found the conference room white boards completely clean. My assistant wiped all the white boards where I spent 10 hours writing schedule for the next three months. I was going to meet with all supervisors to finalize that schedule today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 536

You deserved it 7 057

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 06:24 - France

Today, and ever since I was born, I've had a lazy eye. This morning my boyfriend broke up with me. He thought it was funny to state that we just weren't looking at life in the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 580

You deserved it 3 730

By that girl has a beard - 04/08/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 6 693

Is that even possible?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 19:30 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I realized my sleepwalking habit has reached new heights. How? I woke up in the bathroom. On a plane headed to California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 126

You deserved it 412

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 630

You deserved it 13 818

By Hm - 08/02/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 410

You deserved it 3 985

We've all done it

By tamralee - 25/10/2019 04:00

Today, I scrubbed a spot on a glass window in my house for several minutes. After finally giving up, I realized the spot was on the opposite side of the glass. I wasn't even high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 697

Elvis has left the building

By lateralligator - 14/09/2019 02:02

Today, I realized I need to lose weight when I split my pants wide open while at my job directing a funeral, bowing to the casket in front of 200 silent devout attendees, during prayers. I picked that day to wear a red thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 550

Promises, promises

By IHateMyLife - 06/04/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend promised me to cook dinner if I picked him up from work, almost 100 km and 2-hour drive. I did this even though I worked the night shift yesterday and had to today and normally have to sleep a lot. But no, after we got home, he fell asleep and was still sleeping and snoring when I had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 161

By ForeverAlone - 22/09/2015 21:40 - Ukraine

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 364

You deserved it 1 941

By EFFFF - 08/10/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 665

You deserved it 7 340

Fair enough

By Anonymous - 26/07/2012 16:39 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said, "I was thinking McDonald's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 215

You deserved it 5 127

By darianvilla - 22/07/2016 23:35 - United States - College Park

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 943

You deserved it 16 719

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:37 - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 140

You deserved it 2 816

By Sad - 01/03/2009 09:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 176

You deserved it 309 371

By fuck teh poleese - 12/02/2012 21:50 - United States

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 973

You deserved it 29 401

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 610

You deserved it 5 892

By jet8725 - 23/02/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 121

You deserved it 3 911

Pillow Fight Club!

By Crushingdefeat - 05/07/2021 18:03 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my girlfriend and I babysat our neighbors' 10 year-old. After a while, he challenged us to a pillow fight. I opted out, but she accepted. I went to use the bathroom and I came back to find her face down on the floor, as he sat on her back bashing a pillow against her head. What the hell did I miss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 742

You deserved it 4 868

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Top comments

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:38

You played the see-through-shirt card on your first day? I bet they like you already. Next week, wear a dress and 'forget' to put panties on. You'll soon be the most populair employee and co-worker.

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:29

you made a good first impression

Comments

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:29

you made a good first impression

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Monday 24 January 2011 23:44

shake em!

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:03

like a Boss!!

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:16

haha

millionaire93 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:39

win

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 13:17

OP, YDI for being a whore and not being able to afford a mirror.

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 16:06

yeah...at least you were getting attention

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Saturday 29 January 2011 7:40

How the hell is she a whore? She made a mistake, so what. It's not like she did it deliberately. She might have had something on over top but they decided it was too warm and took it off without realising that what was beneath was see-through. Frankly, I've done that one before but the shirt didnt look that thin on the hanger.

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:03

1 well said my friend

PrimeStarscream 30

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Monday 1 August 2011 23:05

ROFL A+

truehitman2010 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:31

well how do you think you got the job?

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 3:51

Win^

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 9:15

well said my man couldn't have said it better myself well actually yeah I couldve shouldve but didn't

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:33

Well done, friend. Well done.

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:42

MINECRAFT EVERYWHERE!!!

M0rt 0

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Friday 23 September 2011 21:38

pics or it didn't happen

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:34

This is why I always put my shirts against my skin before buying them. Try that sometime. ^__^

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:19

completely true does OP not have a mirror what does OP stand for anyways?

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:23

Fail. Just fucking fail

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 14:46

OP= Optic Penis

NicoRobin_fml 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 17:14

she did it on purpose (:

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Friday 20 May 2011 18:28

68 - Google is your friend.

ABANDONFATEREMEM 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:35

whos shirt? lol jkjk

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:02

My first guess would be the fat male boss with moobs and excessive chest hair...

truehitman2010 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:35

so you work on street corners

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:09

No OP obviously works at a brothel and was doing office role play for her male "coworkers"

truehitman2010 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:37

corners*

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 15:11

^^^ Spelling correction fail lol

Stupidpeopleanno 5

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:37

Could it be that your boss' was see-through? Or maybe one of your co-workers?

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:38

You played the see-through-shirt card on your first day? I bet they like you already. Next week, wear a dress and 'forget' to put panties on. You'll soon be the most populair employee and co-worker.

Send a private message

Monday 24 January 2011 23:21

D knw ths frm xprnc, Drtj?

Doortje 29

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Monday 24 January 2011 23:32

Are your a, e, i, o, u, and y keys stuck due to excessive masturbation to furby-porn?

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 0:10

No, Sirin edited my comment.

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 5:41

yeah she would be the hoe of the work place. I wonder what color bra she had on. must not have been colorful enough

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:41

Nice...!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 37

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 34