Animals: Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take...

By shibs - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

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Animals

Triage

The smell detective is on the case

My body, my choice

By Frouse

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

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671

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By sstahpp - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

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22448

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By meowtickmeow - United States

Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML

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32528

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By tariel

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

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4039

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By NeoDepressed - Czech Republic

Today my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if i want a therapist. I said idk. Then my mom said "But wait its going to cost a lot of money".. FML

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2125

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

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13814

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By Chlo

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

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1595

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By VetTechStudent

Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML

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2659

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By Daivv - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that shouting 'arsehole' at a speeding car is not a good idea. Two chavs MIGHT just turn around, drive onto the pavement and push you into a bush. FML

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12188

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By Anonymous

Chocolate chip

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

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896

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By accidentalsmartass - Japan - Tokyo

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

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5199

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By Skittlezzz0901 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

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6438

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563

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By xattackattackx - United States

Today, the main topic for my sister and her friends in the car was how many ways they could think of to kill me. They came up with 137. I have to spend a week with these people. FML

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29808

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the guy I was seeing had a girlfriend that he hid from me. I found this out when she attacked me. FML

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1731

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130

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By DIY560 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

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39688

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By toobad - United States

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

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58844

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39951

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By shadowfigure - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

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24446

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8289

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By bradyman - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

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40237

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By HarleyGirl - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another girl. FML

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4742

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343

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

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43801

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By Anonymous

Out and about

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

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1607

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624

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By wtfisgoingon - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

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67178

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

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13077

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By Kurt's Dad

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

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1680

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding this week. The woman messed up so badly that the manager had to step in and fix it. I lost 8 inches of hair and my dad keeps telling me I look like a medieval stable boy. FML

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5056

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352

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By Babysitter Probs - United States - Fresno

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

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9250

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By why - United States - Tucson

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

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37886

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 08:01

Run, run away pronto

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

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1078

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By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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55006

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By fuckthepopo - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

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29743

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

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26186

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By unlolable4321 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

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67265

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By "Sonofaquiche"

No Ragerts

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

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3071

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By Jedi2500 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

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36326

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By omgfmlhard - United States

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

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57616

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By FML - Finland

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27886

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By AkaiKitsune

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3827

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1215

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By Anonymous - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41367

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By just physical - Canada - Sarnia

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

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Top comments

By swanheart | 35

#6489337 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:28

No shame in losing a fight to a seagull, they are vicious sky rats!

By gosh_mate | 30

#6489350 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:51

I'm just imagining the seagull scene on finding nemo...
Mine mine mine mine haha

COMMENTS

By hantu69 | 22

#6489336 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:28

seagull help you stay on diet . Haha

Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6489653 - Sunday 20 December 2015 22:06

How exactly is starving part of a diet?

By swanheart | 35

#6489337 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:28

No shame in losing a fight to a seagull, they are vicious sky rats!

shiba10 | 26

#6489359 - Sunday 20 December 2015 13:24

Haha I suppose so but they're just so savage... Seagulls 1 Me 0 :(

JMichael | 25

#6489369 - Sunday 20 December 2015 14:14

No what OP should of done was chase that seagull down and get his damn sandwich back in any way possible.

swanheart | 35

#6489476 - Sunday 20 December 2015 17:45

Possibly #18 but I think he might have struggled to follow the bird if it decided to fly off...!

gobiteme2 | 34

#6489625 - Sunday 20 December 2015 21:10

OP cheer up and get revenge. Most seagulls will come back to same spot to see if they can get some more. Ever seen a seagull with a mouth full of Tabasco sauce in their mouth.

By datass63826 | 9

#6489338 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:29

Happened to everyone before.

NeatNit | 32

#6489366 - Sunday 20 December 2015 13:52

I don't know about you, but I've never seen anybody's food get snatched from his hands by a bird!

momo3p | 22

#6489406 - Sunday 20 December 2015 16:04

lol I have

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6489594 - Sunday 20 December 2015 20:18

I have never once had this happen nor have I seen it happen however I have heard it happen before to my Dad

By TheLastCenturion | 19

#6489340 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:33

Happens, mate. Nothing to do but laugh it off and...yeah.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6489341 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:34

Your lucky all it took was your food and not your SOUL*evil seagull laughter in the distance*

bigbluetardis | 21

#6489375 - Sunday 20 December 2015 14:19

*You're

KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6489386 - Sunday 20 December 2015 15:01

Y du I alwais git dwn vorts 4 tipos? fml

By Jachin357 | 28

#6489347 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:41

Those birds have no shame!

By TAntobella | 14

#6489348 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:48

Think in perspective. The cow your hamburger was made of: "Today after a miserable life spent in a factory farm, a human has stolen my calf from me, then cut my throat. FML"
We all steal from others, don't we..

TooManyProblems | 13

#6489358 - Sunday 20 December 2015 13:23

Found the Vegan

TAntobella | 14

#6489637 - Sunday 20 December 2015 21:23

Ahahahah 37 people can't handle the truth!

By gosh_mate | 30

#6489350 - Sunday 20 December 2015 12:51

I'm just imagining the seagull scene on finding nemo...
Mine mine mine mine haha

xKrisSmoove | 21

#6489387 - Sunday 20 December 2015 15:02

What if they are back in Finding Dory?

Avi8r | 22

#6489698 - Sunday 20 December 2015 23:53

This is actually really funny considering OP lives in Australia where Finding Nemo took place

shiba10 | 26

#6489723 - Monday 21 December 2015 0:30

Haha I live in the same city too

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6490010 - Monday 21 December 2015 7:52

Mine mine mine mine mine. "Oh would you just shut up?! You rats with wings." Nigel the Pelican.

By FrankHotpants | 30

#6489353 - Sunday 20 December 2015 13:01

I definitely feel you on that one, I've had the same thing happen to me. Those shipyard seagulls are savages. I've seen them take a guy's breakfast burrito and come back to throw the aluminum foil at him.

By Tarlachia | 33

#6489357 - Sunday 20 December 2015 13:23

Next time, take something to catch/shoot down a seagull, strip the feathers off, and cook the seagull. Slap it between a pair of burger buns and eat it in front of those seagulls.

katelng09 | 16

#6489600 - Sunday 20 December 2015 20:26

Someone has a disturbing imagination...

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6489774 - Monday 21 December 2015 1:51

Fuck the downvotes, this made me laugh.