Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would...

By ihateseagulls - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28569

You deserved it

4094

Favorite

Animals

The student becomes the master

Vultures

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35793

You deserved it

10081

Favorite

By Ma_Nikka - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28029

You deserved it

2869

Favorite

By Wells Fargo Worker

Well shit.

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4300

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By JadedBaker - United States

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39935

You deserved it

1978

Favorite

By fistpumpin4life - France

Today, at work I asked a woman how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she said, I just replied with, "oh that's good." What she told me that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10550

You deserved it

33243

Favorite

By fucking mafia or what?? - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35881

You deserved it

3428

Favorite

By unhappystudent - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7557

You deserved it

575

Favorite

By SMS123 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43382

You deserved it

4773

Favorite

By bigscarypuppy - United States

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turns to my dog and says "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our new dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35491

You deserved it

3217

Favorite

By Anonymous - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25413

You deserved it

2389

Favorite

By OfCourse - United States

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73133

You deserved it

3398

Favorite

By David H.

Check 'em

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43814

You deserved it

7738

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27407

You deserved it

2390

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By h4rdy - United States

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12158

You deserved it

36976

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14706

You deserved it

52381

Favorite

By jimmy - Canada - Orangeville

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23884

You deserved it

2451

Favorite

By texasbest - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23640

You deserved it

1926

Favorite

By Margo - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15222

You deserved it

63930

Favorite

By expassword - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34003

You deserved it

3705

Favorite

By bdjsbskl - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38494

You deserved it

2363

Favorite

By divorced - United States

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

150734

You deserved it

10387

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23570

You deserved it

29190

Favorite

By Jeimaiku - United States

Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34017

You deserved it

2721

Favorite

By Yellow an - United States

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27750

You deserved it

2921

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35676

You deserved it

3955

Favorite

By hawkwardd - Australia

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43722

You deserved it

3219

Favorite

By Anonymous

Drives

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2150

You deserved it

507

Favorite

By Target - United States

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37893

You deserved it

2783

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17049

You deserved it

41344

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31037

You deserved it

5086

Favorite

By donguigeek - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23312

You deserved it

1942

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54712

You deserved it

6170

Favorite

By RupeeLink - United Kingdom

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62592

You deserved it

7972

Favorite

By - Germany - Bad Frankenhausen

Today, I asked my Mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy bubble shorts. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

2039

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23596

You deserved it

2289

Favorite

By CapeRanger - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54773

You deserved it

4751

Favorite

By MentalHealthWorker - 17/9/2020 02:05

True hero

Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By cheese - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I summoned the courage to talk to my friends about the money they owe me for my photography services at their wedding. We had agreed on a fair price, but now they're pissed, claiming that I'm being selfish and should consider it my wedding gift to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49251

You deserved it

5442

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Bedford

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23718

You deserved it

1517

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Natasha14641 | 7

#2313519 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:48

Haha, a "flock of seagulls".

By docscientist | 9

#2313868 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:19

It was moderated because the 'women belonging in the kitchen' joke is overused and lowers a person's faith in humanity after reading, thus worsening the economy as the stock market crashes or something.

COMMENTS

By Natasha14641 | 7

#2313519 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:48

Haha, a "flock of seagulls".

Frelling | 0

#2313560 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:05

Did OP get their autographs?

broccoli2 | 0

#2313615 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:12

"mine."

trick619 | 0

#2313659 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:24

who cares? it happens to almost everyone who goes to the beach.

Ray_of_midnight | 22

#2313666 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:26

I thought OP was going to conclude the the story with, "I ran." But then again, I was just Wishing.

Natasha14641 | 7

#2313681 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:31

Hahaha, you guys.

Leebra | 6

#2313738 - Friday 8 April 2011 10:00

36 - That made me giggle.

Randuhh_17 | 4

#2313891 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:30

lol...that reminds me of that old movie..."the birds"..when birds attack!

mazzera_fml | 7

#2314098 - Friday 8 April 2011 12:36

i ran, i ran all night and day. i couldn't get away.

insanesna1l | 0

#2314241 - Friday 8 April 2011 13:18

be afraid of the hair!!

smileeee_fml | 0

#2314362 - Friday 8 April 2011 13:58

LOL haard it happens to everyone who goes beach ...

TheScreamoGirl | 0

#2315341 - Friday 8 April 2011 18:30

hahaha my thoughts exactly

iSwizzle | 4

#2315478 - Friday 8 April 2011 19:43

67 that movie rocks!

vanilla2u | 5

#2315989 - Friday 8 April 2011 22:04

aww poor sandwhich

OMG_N3RD | 0

#2316744 - Saturday 9 April 2011 1:11

KatieRawrr | 0

#2316959 - Saturday 9 April 2011 2:12

this happened to me once :( I was so hungry too sigh... bird bullies

RoxxyHustle | 7

#2317051 - Saturday 9 April 2011 2:46

damn you beat me to it!

qwaszxwesdxc | 0

#4327563 - Thursday 19 April 2012 20:20

You ranso far away (I ran)

By asselhoff | 5

#2313532 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:52

haha that's funny even though it sucks

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2314478 - Friday 8 April 2011 14:42

mine....mine....mine....mine....

By Elphieba | 4

#2313537 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:54

What of they attacked your sister?
Good thing attacked you, less damage because your bigger.

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2313718 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:51

what if the little sister is bigger than the big sister?

gutzz | 0

#2313825 - Friday 8 April 2011 10:55

Great Scott!!!! I think you just made a conundrum.

Grimmerie | 31

#2314030 - Friday 8 April 2011 12:21

Janet!
Dr. Scott!
Janet!
Brad!
Rocky!
-silence-

HouseHunter | 2

#2314331 - Friday 8 April 2011 13:45

no conundrum there. I'm taller than my big brother

By clojo1112 | 0

#2313539 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:54

was it a tuna sandwich?

Miss_Michaela | 10

#2313799 - Friday 8 April 2011 10:42

2 slices of bread containing Tuna between the 2.

SuckerPunchurMom | 0

#2313821 - Friday 8 April 2011 10:50

Thank you captain obvious.
I thought it was tuna bread tuna
-.-

docscientist | 9

#2313861 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:14

You sure it isn't tuna around the edges of the bread?

Miss_Michaela | 10

#2313922 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:45

Oh. I read 'Wat is.' not was it. Sorry!!

NineFishMffns_fml | 0

#2313964 - Friday 8 April 2011 12:05

lol!! all the comments above made me laugh!! :D! hate birds :p

By HeavyMetalViking | 0

#2313542 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:57

Well, get back into the kitchen and make another sandwich woman.

HeavyMetalViking | 0

#2313629 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:15

Awww, I got moderated. D: guess sexist jokes are out just like Chuck Norris jokes.

unidentified_sta | 5

#2313663 - Friday 8 April 2011 9:25

I didn't get to read it but it was probably extremely terrible. Moderated for the sake of avoiding damage to our Humerus(es?).

HeavyMetalViking | 0

#2313812 - Friday 8 April 2011 10:47

well it contained words like "kitchen, woman and sandwich lol"

docscientist | 9

#2313868 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:19

HeavyMetalViking | 0

#2313884 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:24

Now I can't use those jokes as well as the 'yo mama' and 'chuck norris' ones.

allmidnighteyes | 10

#2313896 - Friday 8 April 2011 11:34

That's probably for the better.

Those jokes aren't funny to anyone but the mentally inept... which is probably why a high amount of FML commenters think they are...