Today, I spent the first day of the New Year helping out at an old folks' home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Ernie, an 83 year-old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML
Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML
Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So he's showing off his wit and sense of humor? Or is he showing off his character, honor, and integrity? What's the problem here? I don't understand.
Doortje 30
Earnie is my new hero :D
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Comments (87)
InsaneGenius 0
GabIsAwesome~ I promise you nobody thinks you're awesome typing like that; I think some veins in my head just burst from trying to read it. OP~ laugh it off! Poor guy probably doesn't have a lot of time left to show off his johnson. I would've died laughing!
jtbh2012 0
one word : HIPAA
Synch2120 0
if I were you I would remove this post because you are actually violating patient privacy laws and can probably be sued for a lot of money if someone were to read this and report you. just sayin.
jmacrules 0
don't be such an a$$ wipe
perdix 31
That made me spit up my beef jerky!
macskapingvin 0
You mean it made you jerk your beef until it spat?
RedPillSucks 33
Earnie?
Proud_vegetarian 0
Well good for you for volunteering your time :)
zanguard 0
Is this the old man from a previous FML who is only there for the b!tches?
JawneeG 0
at least he didn't make you shower him, and pooped in your hand, or something! Ernie is a wild pimp among these elder folk!
LOVEFML25 1
OK, you guys screaming "HIPAA violation!" must have just learned what it is yesterday, because I don't see a HIPAA violation in this FML. First of all, we don't even know if Earnie is the real name. Second of all, there is no last name in this FML. Thirdly, OP did not tell what home he is in. California's a large state. Finally, OP did not give us an actual medical diagnosis. Chill, and enjoy the site for what it is--entertainment. Save the jargon for work.
jtbh2012 0
wow, it clearly violates HIPAA. i don't go around talking about my people. if people the person works with sees this, this guys ass will be sued. i've been learning about HIPAA since i was 14.
jermaine5150 0
Ernie is awesome!
lolaisagirl 0
too bad Jermaine isn't.. oops sorry man
iliketurdles 7
**** you, Jermaine is awesome. It's a fact of life. *HIGH FIVE & CHEST BUMP*
BahahahLOL 0
SCREW YOU LOLA
mothereffinclams 6
HAHAHAHAHAHA