Today, I spent the first day of the New Year helping out at an old folks' home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Ernie, an 83 year-old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML
Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML
Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I got up from bed after a good night's sleep, and walked outside. The first thing I saw was my 60-ish year-old neighbor bent over, picking up a newspaper. He was wearing nothing but a way too short bathrobe and a pair of rubber boots. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
So he's showing off his wit and sense of humor? Or is he showing off his character, honor, and integrity? What's the problem here? I don't understand.
Doortje 30
Earnie is my new hero :D
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Comments (87)
millionaire93 0
was he bigger den me? (for all you family guy lovers out there)-Peter Griffin. no I'm not obsessed with family guy either, so dont ask.
hunturkey 0
did you touch it? hahaha
Bubbawhite 0
hahaha thats rough
mercedes3210 6
Why do you have to type like this? gives me a headache trying figure out what you are trying to say. thank you doc for translating.
therealsuperman 0
didn't that guy used to be on sesame street? I see now why he's not allowed around children
eryn13 5
at least you don't work graveyards at one and had to work that night. watching everyone else have fun and have your trunk friends texting you half the night. like I did...
ugliness 6
I'm sure you guys realise that it is probably a fake name/age and not even romotely usefull in identifying an individual, correct me if I'm wrong
BlahLand 0
i dont get it at all o.o
DaveOnDope 4
When my dad was in the rest home he got ahold of a phone and babbled something about bombs to 911. instant chaos!
softballer22 0
my great grandma is in a nursing home and was screaming because somebody "ambushed her house, tore the drapes down, painted the windows, and put her cat in the hospital!" and she called me at two thirty that morning to let me know she was done partying and wanted to go home.