Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 04:02 - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

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Assumptions

In my day…

Higher standards

By amywee - 9/12/2009 15:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

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By Byron fiddles - 24/2/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

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By purpleskylight - 27/6/2012 05:29 - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

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By RC3Welly - 9/3/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

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By rejected - 28/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

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By ryanlogan - 31/8/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

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By Plasticface - 14/5/2011 13:32 - United States

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

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By nick - 12/5/2010 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

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By lakb - 13/12/2010 15:27

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2015 20:41 - United States

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

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By wellokaythen - 14/5/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 20:02

Mixed signals

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

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By stupidapperently - 1/2/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

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By foreveralone - 13/1/2014 01:00 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:39 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

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By StudentAbroad - 18/2/2016 13:27 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

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By almyric - 2/10/2019 12:02

Headshot!

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

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By fuckinghicks - 30/12/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

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By strokingitasitype - 7/4/2012 19:12 - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 15:50 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

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By Mel Ancholy - 18/2/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2012 16:11 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

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By Sir Anon - 29/2/2016 20:18 - United States - Champlin

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

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By Grrr - 20/7/2012 07:58 - United States - Salem

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

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By Criminal - 13/7/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

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By Thanks Honey - 5/6/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

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By juvenile friends suck - 10/1/2013 20:52 - Germany - Tangstedt

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2014 20:43 - United States - Tempe

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2013 00:13 - South Africa

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

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By WTFFAIL - 3/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

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By what the fuck?! - 2/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 21:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 12:09 - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

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By wahhh - 8/8/2011 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbor from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

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Top comments

By samlovesham1234 | 9

#6727883 - Monday 26 December 2016 5:35

Yep, the toilet paper thing I've done before, but only on the first day. Usually that was the day I got caught without a pad or tampon.

By Iamleftout | 1

#6727971 - Monday 26 December 2016 8:09

I don't understand why there is 184 'YDI' because she honestly couldn't help the sudden emergency. And before you say that she should've known to bring a pad sometimes feminine emergencies sneak up on me like that too.

COMMENTS

By jacqats | 13

#6727839 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:06

Well hey, it's better than nothing.

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6727852 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:59

I mean, a diaper does the job too. Even better, in fact.

Reply

Steffi | 26

#6727868 - Monday 26 December 2016 4:45

It won't fit though.

Reply

Catdragon | 40

#6727945 - Monday 26 December 2016 7:28

That's how you make it fit and wear it like a thong

By CyberPsycho | 21

#6727840 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:07

At least you got something to fix it though. Either way, FYL.

By lestatsbride | 3

#6727842 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:12

If you carry a knife (i do) cut the tabs off the diaper and make it work

By claudiajean | 24

#6727845 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:23

Next time, just ask another woman - I don't think I've ever been laughed at or refused (if they've had something) because we've all been there!

By RichardPencil | 28

#6727848 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:31

You got screwed!

You should have gotten a French Tickler!

By luze_fml | 0

#6727850 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:32

Well that's bloody inconvenient.

By luther48 | 20

#6727853 - Monday 26 December 2016 3:59

Someone didn't read the terms and conditions

By ElusiveMee | 6

#6727856 - Monday 26 December 2016 4:13

Absorbent is absorbent. McGyver that bad boy and make it work.

By Cynical_1 | 26

#6727857 - Monday 26 December 2016 4:15

Did it have wings? lol

By EmmiAnne | 25

#6727866 - Monday 26 December 2016 4:37

When I first read that it dispensed a diaper I assumed someone had put a used dirty diaper in the machine. That would be even worse.