Miscellaneous: Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when...

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 3 537

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Dysfunctional

8 out of 10 dentists

By fired - 23/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 203

You deserved it 65 363

By uhmwow - 25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 698

You deserved it 955

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 777

You deserved it 117 270

By Boarder - 01/06/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 222

You deserved it 5 436

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 7 558

By tye61 - 16/01/2016 12:54 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 539

You deserved it 7 809

By Phobia - 29/12/2017 15:00

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 983

You deserved it 288

Death at one's elbow

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 250

By Anna - 28/03/2012 01:08 - United States

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 664

You deserved it 4 629

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 571

You deserved it 37 880

By beyondembarrassed - 05/05/2013 05:44 - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 78 770

Roofing

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 11:01

Today, a tile slid off the roof and knocked me out as I was fetching my mail. Apparently, I lay there for a while with the wind blowing my dressing gown up, flashing my bare ass to the neighbourhood. People took pictures, but no one thought to check I was alive, not even my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 478

You deserved it 5 297

By dumbass1991 - 12/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 121 625

By whywilson.. - 02/03/2010 01:17 - Canada

Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 405

You deserved it 25 771

By wintersoldier - 14/07/2015 02:36 - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 993

You deserved it 2 355

Belly Finger

By ihmmil - 18/01/2020 14:00

Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 301

Mopping mad

By samdog37 - 01/12/2020 14:06

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 288

By racoonface - 19/04/2009 15:17 - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 633

You deserved it 54 634

It was a phone call

By "Cass Lyles" - 22/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was talking to my fiancé on the phone. I said "alright see you in 10 minutes babe". My boss must have thought I was talking to him because he said "alright (my name) see you later". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 268

Happy Birthday baby!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2020 18:02 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 26/06/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 532

You deserved it 17 060

By twiggy24 - 05/02/2012 02:51 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 241

You deserved it 42 415

By partygirlxxx - 24/05/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 650

You deserved it 9 696

By swiggityswooty - 23/07/2014 04:09 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 7 336

By doggone - 14/07/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 039

You deserved it 8 666

By lloydLO - 24/10/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 13 487

The Hulk

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, meaning that I involuntarily fly into a rage without provocation. It's only controlled by healthy eating and sleeping. I work too much to get any sleep, I don't make enough money to eat well, and my disorder limits my ability to find a job that pays more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 297

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 00:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 573

You deserved it 3 153

By Tee - 10/11/2009 02:20 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 5 405

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 4 346

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 108

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 158

You deserved it 42 761

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 544

You deserved it 2 505

By cat_loser - 09/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 673

You deserved it 3 315

Thanks, I hate it

By FFS - 28/05/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 201

You deserved it 2 905

By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 436

You deserved it 9 393

By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 06:39 - Canada - Victoria

Today, my wedding celebration came to an awkward pause when my dad slapped my mom across the face and called her a whore after she admitted to having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 998

You deserved it 1 858

By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 534

You deserved it 5 169

By haayloo - 19/10/2010 02:40 - Canada

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 241

You deserved it 29 120

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Top comments

Buttsexpirate 9

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:06

I'm sure you're attractive OP. You'll find someone who loves you deeply and won't need to be satisfied with compliments from demented old men. Just be more confident!!

ikickgingers 15

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:10

He probably hits on his jello too... Mmm jello.

kelissa_fml 16

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:04

That sucks. If it makes you feel any better I'm insecure too. /:

Keyman1212 14

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:22

I think everyone is insecure about SOMETHING about yourself. If you're totally insecurity free when it comes to yourself, I say you're either lying to yourself, or good for you and I'm jealous of you.

SecretMe00 5

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:33

Me too.

smileeee_fml 0

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Thursday 5 January 2012 14:21

It's a nursing place... most of the people there are probably old & married. Why would you want to be found 'attractive' by people there? Unless you're a person close to their age and who's single to mingle.

aruam365 24

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Thursday 5 January 2012 15:22

27- Actually most people in nursing homes are widows/widowers. That's the point though, she's so desperate for someone to find her attractive that she is "slightly flattered" when the old man hits on her.

RaggleFrock 13

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Thursday 5 January 2012 16:20

Did the deleted old man have a mustach?

shannonreneee 11

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Thursday 5 January 2012 16:48

When you start liking yourself again, others will then like you:)

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Thursday 5 January 2012 21:20

I love myself, but I'm don't go moaning my own name during sex. (Refer back to a previous FML for clarification)

CleverBastard 8

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Friday 6 January 2012 4:48

I ha self esteem issues before too. But I got confident in who I was and learned that the only way to be happy, is to let yourself be happy. It's actually quite simple when you get down to it.

CleverBastard 8

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Friday 6 January 2012 4:50

Had** curse this IPhone keyboard.

TonyIsMyDog 2

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Saturday 7 January 2012 4:11

He's not deleted yet just old. He won't be deleted till he's dead...in case you didn't get it.

isaac_H 0

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Monday 9 January 2012 1:21

I think you look good in your pic tbh :)

Buttsexpirate 9

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:06

I'm sure you're attractive OP. You'll find someone who loves you deeply and won't need to be satisfied with compliments from demented old men. Just be more confident!!

Tyger44 1

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Thursday 5 January 2012 13:19

Pirate why are you being nice today!?

ZDK5498 6

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Friday 6 January 2012 4:49

OP, you will find a great man that treats you right one day! stay beautiful my friend!

ikickgingers 15

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:10

He probably hits on his jello too... Mmm jello.

ShakeMeDown 12

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Friday 6 January 2012 4:42

Mmm... The curves never end!

GoW_Chick 14

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:11

Too bad he won't remember you tomorrow

Nyx3ni6m4 5

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:52

So she'll get hit on again, possibly....its Nice with a little constant boost...something to look forward to

kidwiththeface42 7

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Thursday 5 January 2012 12:11

Someone sounds Forever Alone... Actually two people do.

brianfantana32 10

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Thursday 5 January 2012 15:59

I always hate it when someone on the Internet makes fun of someone for being "forever alone" when they're the ones criticizing over the Internet, which is grounds for "forever alone