Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, my yearly bonus finally hit my bank account while I was busy at work. Hurrah! Unfortunately, I'm married, so by the time I got a second of free time to check my phone, my email was full of my wife's online shopping receipts, including a non-refundable cruise. I wish we could save money… FML
Today, I broke it off with my mistress so that I could work on my marriage. Shortly after, my wife received an anonymous message, saying that I'd been unfaithful. FML
Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years-old. FML
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML
Today, my brat daughter got pissed that I didn't spend "enough" money on her Sweet Sixteen party. She threw a tantrum and told my husband about my affair. FML
Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML
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Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
Your wife must not trust you :/ Sorry OP
blcksocks 19
You work 24/7? When do you poop?
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Comments (100)
jackassiddy 8
Return the gift and buy a hooker. When she finds out just claim double jeopardy. You're welcome.
klovemachine 24
woo woo woo you know it!
marisa1436 5
You are a genius!
live2swim 5
:( I'm Srry op. Your wife should be thankful that you care about her so much not accusing you of cheating.
itsalanis 25
She has some serious trust issues. But, don't worry OP. It'll all be her own wrongdoing.
zebraface123 6
NIPPLES!!!!!!!
jujubunni5 9
That sucks :/ I'm sorry. But when you give her the present she'll feel like an ass
heyred 11
Working 24/7 tends to eff with someone who is already insecure. Talk much?
thiscrazything 1
Working 24/7? What?? Does OP sleep work?
ZombieFayad 6
Yeah but she doesn't know that.
perdix 31
You get paid to sleep and shit? If not, you don't literally work 24/7. So, where's the money going, playa?
humorizer 14
Actually, 24/7 doesn't necessarily mean that they were working nonstop the entire day. I work "8 hour shifts", yet I have a 1 hour lunch, and often talk to coworkers when there are no customers (we get paid purely on commission, so don't worry; we're not slacking off or riding the clock).
Annis_x3 7
Actually, 24/7 means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Also actually, 27 was using sarcasm.
seriouslythat 6
She couldn't connect the dots?
hashtagmaster 1
Exactly! Why would an affair be her first guess for missing $...?