Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
CrimsonWolf1294 0
There is no possible way that you didn't deserve this...
sweet_candy_ 17
lmao I hope you make it out alive.
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Comments (188)
PuppiesFTW 5
That's just what I thought when he said boxer....
dt520 4
you can add murderer to that list if he sees your ass
PuppiesFTW 5
That's just what I thought when he said boxer....
JennaMason 6
that's really awkward. your girlfriend can't even defend you because she didn't even know you were in her house. good luck explaining this one!
XxKyttixX 0
There's nothing romantic about "sneaking" for one...and two, i'd like to know how this ended.
aj01 3
ok why didn't you take a crap before you went to your girlfriends house?
MR_Anderson 4
Once a Marine always a Marine...anyone should know that
JennaMason 6
maybe he didn't need to take a crap until he got there?
Cody24485 0
you are ******* sexy Jenna
Skroal_stomper 5
Get a life Cody.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Yeah, but it's beyond disrespectful to break into your girlfriend's house and take a shit while she's unaware of your presence in her house.
redrock350 0
FYI, there is no such thing as an ex Marine, it's former Marine fucktard!
cguinn17 9
of course there's such thing as an ex-marine, if you can be kicked out of something (relationship, organization, etc.) you can be an ex.
SailorSweetheart 0
Make no mistake, there is NO such thing as an ex-Marine. there is only: Active Duty Marine, Retired Marine and OTH Discharged Marine.
cguinn17 9
thank you for clearing that up.
SailorSweetheart 0
are you being a smart ass, i can't tell
claiiire_fml 17
Or she invited him, and the parents didn't know. My God...