Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
CrimsonWolf1294 0
There is no possible way that you didn't deserve this...
sweet_candy_ 17
lmao I hope you make it out alive.
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Comments (188)
Drummer389000 0
take a dump BEFORE you sneak into your girlfriends house. ;)
Driveshaft 5
dear diary...today I learned the phrase "stomp a mudhole in your ass!" ydi Dingus McGee
dlcccall 0
nice knowing ya ps at least you crapper in the toilet
sallen0046 4
You illegally entered a boxing ex-marines home to crap in his bathroom and defile his daughter... how could you have possibly though this would end well? Personally, I hope he kicked your ass and decides to press charges for breaking into his home. It doesn't matter how well you know a person, you never enter a home uninvited, especially when the house doesn't even belong to the person you're going to "visit" in the first place.
xNephilim 19
No court would ever let that get through. It's his freaking girlfriend's house. Kids do that all the time.
justbecuz123 0
73 - girlfriend or not, it does not matter. My girlfriend's parents love me, but if they saw me in the house when they arrived home, we would both be in deep shit. Actually, I am allowed in my girlfriend's house when her parents aren't home... but my point stands.
summerlove07 0
YDI...why you would decide to take a dump at her house D: other than that, FYL
Jesterful009 0
hahaha!!! sucks for you! did the bathroom door at least have a lock on it to save you some time?
loverr31 0
You all are stupid after reading your comments.
cguinn17 9
OP's an idiot but i'd tap the dad twice.
CyclonePsycho 1
Let me get this straight: you sneaked into your girlfriends house (it doesn't matter if you were invited or otherwise by the girlfriend, btw, seeing as it's not her house), didn't bother to check if the dad was or would be home, then used the bathroom? What the hell is wrong with you? Wow. Just... Just YDI.
dansco 25
Where do we send the flowers to?