Kids: Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator...

By 3722145 - 31/01/2015 00:51 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 456

You deserved it 6 892

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 237

You deserved it 7 761

By imamomma - 20/12/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 212

You deserved it 26 892

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:41 - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 376

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 28/06/2013 20:36 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 218

You deserved it 5 392

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 07:17 - United States

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 8 940

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 18:30 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 632

You deserved it 4 572

By Nick - 29/06/2012 21:39 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 266

You deserved it 6 722

By thebeachisthatway - 22/10/2012 18:56 - United States - Worcester

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 237

You deserved it 5 271

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 674

You deserved it 7 551

Daddy's in the shit again

By habbsrule - 15/06/2012 14:21 - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 504

You deserved it 30 111

marcmaralou 15

Sunday 1 February 2015 0:13

once you get older, scientific and graphing calculators don't allow you to do this :(

colton_colton 49

Sunday 1 February 2015 0:13

He's the future of this world

Comments

born_hustla 26

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:02

I don't think he was old enough learn that trick...

Silk_Routes 14

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:11

lets see where it lands

fuckercakes 21

Sunday 1 February 2015 5:22

Am I the only one who wants to know how a warranty on sperm works?

MrConfusion 21

Thursday 7 April 2016 3:25

Yes.

BlindlyWandering 17

Sunday 1 February 2015 6:02

"no one is born smart" Well obviously you weren't, judging by that statement!

Rippa1986 10

Sunday 1 February 2015 10:22

Get a graphics calculator, he can write "cocks" all day long.:)

Gib31 19

Sunday 1 February 2015 17:26

Didn't anyone notice that OP's username spells "shizzle"?

chitochito 17

Thursday 10 September 2015 23:58

Yes! I was scrolling down looking for comments about it and thought no one else had found it!

iwadasn 32

Sunday 1 February 2015 19:35

So you taught him to do something immature and then he behaved immaturely... What's the issue here?

FailStaff 15

Sunday 1 February 2015 20:01

Sperm does have a warranty, but it only lasts 9 months!

spicyclubsauce 13

Sunday 1 February 2015 20:09

Maybe you shouldn't have influenced him to do it

coolbeansbruh 13

Sunday 1 February 2015 20:24

Wow let's hope your son never sees this. Poor thing his father doesn't want him. U jerk op.

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Today, I have a horribly painful throat infection and can't talk. In spite of this, Dad keeps insisting I call people for him, meaning I have to make use of a text to speech program. Eight out of twelve people I've called on his behalf have hung up, thinking I'm a scambot. Dad is blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 81

Today, I asked a girl at work out, who'd claimed she was single. Not ten minutes later, our boss fired me. Turns out that girl is actually his side chick he cheats on his wife with, even though she’s 19 and he’s 48. Not illegal, just scummy as hell, and he fired me out of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 100

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Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 962

You deserved it 3 635

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 2 815

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 470

You deserved it 4 247

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 027

You deserved it 5 048

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 647

You deserved it 10 369

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 133

Same thing different taste

Daddy's in the shit again

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