Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML
Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML
Today, I took my 4 year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed, "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex." FML
Today, I was making egg salad for the week's lunches and told my son to come help. When we started peeling the eggs, he thought it was funny to roll them off the counter and ruin them. I shouted at him for being disrespectful and wasteful, and my wife screamed at me that, "He's just a little boy!" FML
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
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Top comments
marcmaralou 15
once you get older, scientific and graphing calculators don't allow you to do this :(
colton_colton 50
He's the future of this world
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Comments (61)
BlindlyWandering 17
#40, you are talking about knowledge, not intelligence. 99% of smart individuals were born smart. So I stand by my statement.
LyricaSilvan 30
So you're surprised that after you taught him something childish, he reacted childishly. I guess the only question is, how old is your son?
ShadowGenius 12
I think the bigger problem is that he moved on to cocks.
ultra_notorious 26
3704558
maharb01 17
I was always a fan of the 11669*3= loose one myself.
piff7 14
Since this is an FML about calculator writing boobies I thought the name was a word too... I can't tell though cause they aren't boxy ?
kevinkock 1
I see what you mean. But it depends on the kid's age. if the kid is young. your statement is very relevant. and it's understandable that the kid would not figure that out. But if the kid is older, then he may be lacking common sense. though we're Herr to educate and teach our kid's, they still have to figure out done stuff on their own. ignore these half brains arguing with you
justfml22 13
The pathetic moment when men are teaching their little sons to be a perv
KnivesDrache 5
Okay, how DO you spell "boobies" on a calculator? I never tried so I am curious. The "b"s are throwing me off. Am I just too tired to figure it out? Go ahead and laugh at me if you want. I know I probably will when it is pointed out.