Miscellaneous: Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that...

By lovebigmacs - 06/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 113

You deserved it 41 909

Miscellaneous

Get out

Too much irony

Busted

Cereal killer

By Kyley - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Froot Loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 563

You deserved it 2 429

By emix - 17/06/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 137

You deserved it 66 982

By crap - 24/02/2014 04:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 893

You deserved it 3 217

By Anonymous - 22/09/2014 17:41 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 496

You deserved it 3 083

By Anonymous - 16/01/2014 01:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 118

You deserved it 5 468

By youngsamoo92 - 07/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 519

You deserved it 2 935

By Landlocked - 06/05/2019 02:00

Today, my dad thought it would be a good idea to show my 5-year-old son a documentary about Hurricane Katrina. My son is now terrified of hurricanes. We live in Utah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 189

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 06/10/2015 11:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 330

You deserved it 3 397

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 420

You deserved it 3 300

By LoadingMeows - 23/09/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 797

You deserved it 1 894

By DrLight - 17/01/2015 01:59 - United States - Raleigh

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 3 739

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 373

You deserved it 9 280

By Killme - 13/07/2016 02:10

Today, as a birthday present, my friends threw a surprise party for me. I was so surprised, I pissed myself in front of everyone, including my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 060

You deserved it 2 078

By oh, shit...... - 02/02/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 342

You deserved it 1 966

By iams - 30/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my mom is banging my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He’s 22 and my mom is 50. Oh, and not only does my ex know, but so does the whole town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 437

You deserved it 318

Grab it while you can

By Arabian_Soap - 31/05/2021 16:01 - Australia - Mermaid Beach

Today, I was walking through a rich part of the city and saw 2 dollars on the ground. I didn't pick it so people wouldn't think I was poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 076

By Lonelyhopeful - 05/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 551

You deserved it 949

By Anonymous - 03/10/2009 12:29 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day packing my car full of boxes for my move tomorrow. When I finally finished, I realized I didn't have the car key. It's inside one of the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 678

You deserved it 32 131

By Des - 18/06/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 292

You deserved it 1 107

By nicoleee - 29/03/2012 20:16 - United States

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 4 042

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 707

You deserved it 3 976

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 454

You deserved it 93 698

By :( - 02/03/2016 14:13 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 223

You deserved it 1 973

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 11:11 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 288

You deserved it 2 245

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 09:28 - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 900

You deserved it 4 126

Overreaction?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 08:01

Today, it's the second day my wife hasn’t been to work at all, because a cashier called her ma’am instead of miss. Apparently, it’s the first time this has happened and she’s so upset that she might be visibly growing old that she’s been in bed for two days crying. We’re both only 27 years-old, FFS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 23:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 815

You deserved it 2 295

Freshman blues

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 09:04 - Rwanda - Kigali

Today, I found out there’s a university email platform I never knew about. I’m a freshman and I’ve been using my personal email to communicate with the lecturers. Now I’ve got a pile of assignments to do and most of them are overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 202

By fedexed - 27/07/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 219

You deserved it 10 341

Supreme Betrayal

By chocobo - 11/07/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered that my family routinely waits until after my bedtime to order a pepperoni pizza, my favorite food. If that wasn't bad enough, I'm 17 and still have a strictly enforced bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 423

You deserved it 516

By Unsanitary - 26/06/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 366

You deserved it 11 028

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 089

You deserved it 12 682

By blueheron93 - 13/11/2010 14:25 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 3 060

By nerdgirlmickey - 03/03/2013 16:05 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 987

You deserved it 6 924

By mimi - 27/09/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 656

You deserved it 35 677

By hatethatiloveyou - 10/02/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 886

You deserved it 14 742

By number2 - 14/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 975

You deserved it 4 485

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 673

You deserved it 36 712

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Top comments

Chantallika 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:16

YDI for getting a tramp stamp, and of something as cheesy and overdone as a butterfly. That is all.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:16

It can flap its wings when you're getting it doggy style :D Pretend you're flyingggg. wheeeeeeee Oh wait, you're too fat to fly...

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:16

It can flap its wings when you're getting it doggy style :D Pretend you're flyingggg. wheeeeeeee Oh wait, you're too fat to fly...

MimiKnox 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:38

FYL for getting a tramp stamp....a butterfly too....how much more unoriginal can you get? Shame on you....

Arcterion 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:49

Roflolol.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:50

I don't think an animated tattoo is unoriginal at all. I mean, come on, how many self-flapping butterfly tramp stamps can you say you've seen in your entire life?

v1kt4r 13

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 11:02

hey she's original, hers looks like it's flying wen her rolls jiggle, tell me you've seen that b4

growingupnextmon 3

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 11:29

Umm how fat do you have to be to get rolls on your lower back? Like seriously......

v1kt4r 13

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:18

As fat as the OP :D

All_I_Need 4

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:01

It depends on you body. I have a friend who should lose 10kg to have a normal weight but all her fat is on her butt and hips so she looks thin on her upper body (no breasts, small shoulders though her arms are a little too fat) but she sures have "rolls of fat" on her lower back.

Pointy130 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 4:22

Its not the animated tattoo thats unoriginal, its the butterfly. PS: YDI for getting a tramp stamp.

liveBabylon 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 1:28

seriously I thought people had realized that those are not coool! Nor original

ydi_ruuc 0

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 0:29

@45-Fat enough to make your name "lovebigmacs"

lizamaphone 6

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Saturday 31 July 2010 7:29

this is more of an fml for the artist...

DalekScythe 0

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Friday 23 December 2011 23:44

OH GOD #1 I CAN'T BREATH MAN!!!!!! You my good man deserve the internet for that win that is your comment.

Chantallika 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:16

YDI for getting a tramp stamp, and of something as cheesy and overdone as a butterfly. That is all.

nonotme 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:51

^This.

Vagrarian 2

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 14:48

A tramp stamp is bad enough, but a butterfly? Jeez. Cheap AND unimaginative.

Duckasaurus 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 0:42

YDI, not for getting a tattoo, but because you thought it was appropriate to get a tramp stamp when you're a fatass.

My2864 1

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Friday 11 June 2010 2:17

omg wtf stop saying 'tramp stamp' such gay words... also theres nothing wrong with tattoos and the OP does not nee to be creative its her friggin body aint it? get out of your room once ina a while

brookenicolee29 27

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Friday 7 February 2014 0:54

How original.

luckyducky007 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:23

LOL #1 but yeah, YDI and FYL that your boyfriend pointed that out

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:25

See, now I told people animated tattoos were possible!

Vegi 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:56

#4 made me laugh

null_fml 11

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:27

"lovebigmacs"? I think I might have figured out one of the root causes of your problem.

Ohnothingreally 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:36

^This.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 21:42

hahaha didn't even notice that untill you said it :P Well thats good, it means the OP realizes her mistakes. Get a salad every now and then, might do you wonders.

Turner_22 0

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Sunday 11 September 2011 1:08

LOL

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:30

I can only hope that the tattoo was of the "butterfly" from the end of the movie A Bug's Life.

musiciansmuse 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:33

Just an FYI: Anyone who calls "FAKE" because "fat girls don't have boyfriends" or whatever BS you wanna say about her being heavy, remember this: my aunt is WAY heavy, and she was that way before her and her husband had ever met. Just remember that, insecure skinny people. Just remember...

Good_old_Grim 8

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 9:37

WOW!!! You totally know this one fat chick who happened to meet a fat-fetishist. This makes you an expert on the subject so I am completely in awe of your lore and wisdom and am forced to conclude that everything you say on the subject is backed by Jesus.

lo1337a 1

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 10:21

I bet her husband is fat too & realised he couldn't do any better.

IllegalLight 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:11

I know a fat girl. She's with a huge guy as well and they're like 25.

RubixMonkey 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:55

Why is it now decided that fat people aren't worthy of love on the fact that you're shallow. Sure they shouldn't be fat, but (and you will trash this comment in two seconds) that some people like personality more than super skinny shallow bitches?