By backfat

Baby Got Back

Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3580

You deserved it

1039

Favorite

Intimacy

Reverse psychology

Dog whisperer

Modern Family

By BenjiFurImmer

Today, I found out that when my uncle died, he left me and the rest of my family £2000 each. Only my parents kept and spent my share on themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2280

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By heyyoitsapotato - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50010

You deserved it

3284

Favorite

By klutz - United States - Woburn

Today, I broke my fifth bone in three years. While I'd like say that they've all been scary, athletic injuries, most have been from attempting to do things as mundane as walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7468

You deserved it

853

Favorite

By ShutUp007 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31006

You deserved it

2428

Favorite

By Realworldred - United States - Scranton

Today, my sister started a full-time job with a good pay despite having no prior work experience and being a college freshman. Meanwhile, I've graduated with two degrees, have been working two jobs for the last five years, and still can't get a full-time position anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30763

You deserved it

3176

Favorite

By TotallyDeservedIt - United States - Midlothian

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8043

You deserved it

12774

Favorite

By Camille - United States

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

I agree, your life sucks

56402

You deserved it

4667

Favorite

By jokada - United States

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13379

You deserved it

84060

Favorite

By notyourmummy - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30705

You deserved it

3298

Favorite

By Badatlife - Australia - Kellyville

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50774

You deserved it

4615

Favorite

By Homeless? - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11037

You deserved it

1213

Favorite

By ADD - Bulgaria

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42645

You deserved it

4495

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33401

You deserved it

2714

Favorite

By Ewwwww

Today, while working the register, I told a kid his total was $2.15. He then took his shoe off and handed me his money. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1929

You deserved it

100

Favorite

By workerbee - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7140

You deserved it

22388

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70912

You deserved it

9115

Favorite

By womanoski - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22379

You deserved it

1451

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 09:01

Walked into that one

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1036

You deserved it

507

Favorite

By BearMan - United States

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44962

You deserved it

4851

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29290

You deserved it

6338

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9948

You deserved it

24521

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25663

You deserved it

2929

Favorite

By scalmon - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13325

You deserved it

67242

Favorite

By Kpotassium - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I noticed that my two cats have been urinating on my Christmas tree skirt more frequently than in their litter box. I've tried to get them to stop, but I don't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6982

You deserved it

1033

Favorite

By anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29576

You deserved it

3619

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML

I agree, your life sucks

21255

You deserved it

3239

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47214

You deserved it

6030

Favorite

By ewww - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65025

You deserved it

5197

Favorite

By jonas_93 - Canada

Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68933

You deserved it

9154

Favorite

By disgusteddaughter - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35646

You deserved it

3407

Favorite

By Gilly

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4778

You deserved it

524

Favorite

By catgirl911 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15118

You deserved it

25033

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40562

You deserved it

3839

Favorite

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37842

You deserved it

2862

Favorite

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - United States - Houston

Eat the rich

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4726

You deserved it

422

Favorite

By ...

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2122

You deserved it

714

Favorite

By peanutface - Canada

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32256

You deserved it

3584

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88868

You deserved it

17290

Favorite

By Utterly_Confused - United States - Beaver

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25819

You deserved it

1678

Favorite

By fishingforubies2 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27872

You deserved it

1830

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By joeyl1990 | 28

#7635925 - Friday 18 May 2018 2:30

If he ever asks for anal offer him back fat. probably wont hurt as much.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7635929 - Friday 18 May 2018 2:58

I have a sudden craving for Chili’s.

COMMENTS

By mattyiscool123 | 26

#7635923 - Friday 18 May 2018 2:21

He doesn’t have to know that

By joeyl1990 | 28

#7635925 - Friday 18 May 2018 2:30

If he ever asks for anal offer him back fat. probably wont hurt as much.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7635929 - Friday 18 May 2018 2:58

I have a sudden craving for Chili’s.

By pjsr | 32

#7635930 - Friday 18 May 2018 3:01

I like big backs and I cannot lie

By RichardPencil | 29

#7635937 - Friday 18 May 2018 4:25

Hey, he likes grabbing your flesh. Let’s not be so technical about anatomy.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7636073 - Friday 18 May 2018 12:25

Whatever gets him off. With back fat buttocks you can possibly go to sleep while he does his thing.

By Davros | 12

#7636164 - Friday 18 May 2018 16:17

damn, your a quadruple threat!

By Wintermelons | 19

#7636256 - Friday 18 May 2018 20:24

Oh you don’t need to hide it, we all know he said “Nice ass”