Love: Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s....

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

By Alice

92 years old FML

It's been three weeks since that I've been searching (and finding) for w ays to make the traditional introduction as short as possible....

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By KarlwithaK / Tuesday 19 May 2009 03:29 / United States

Love

Dangling modifier

Mixed signals

Money hole

By Anonymous

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

845

You deserved it

2293

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By mommysgirlapparently - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27665

You deserved it

8026

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By pizzaface - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed. The lady who waxed my eyebrows also decided to pop the big zit on my forehead. She charged me a dollar extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36982

You deserved it

7258

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By J.Smith - France

Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31897

You deserved it

2162

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By kaz89 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26515

You deserved it

8223

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By "jjuuuuuuulless"

Today, my car's parking gear and parking brake failed. I watched as it rolled down a big hill into someone's 2017, $30,000 camper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2200

Phew, glad it wasn't me

287

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By 1.30am - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27591

You deserved it

2667

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By broke

Today, my work informed me that they didn't process my pay in time, so I won't get paid until the end of next month. I have less than £10 to last me until then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4177

You deserved it

291

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By turtles_yup - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at a fastfood restaurant, I wanted to wash my hands. The restrooms were locked, so a cashier got the key and opened the mens restroom. This would have been fine if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18155

You deserved it

2107

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By sisi9999 - United States

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41906

You deserved it

3562

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By awkward - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52648

You deserved it

4044

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By NotASquirrel - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20760

You deserved it

1281

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By Anonymous - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23278

You deserved it

2449

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By sixsix - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46020

You deserved it

8603

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By Gus - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22217

You deserved it

4935

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By Anonymous

Grand Old Irony

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1930

You deserved it

824

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By Anonymous

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1649

You deserved it

298

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By sleeplessinID - United States

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34517

You deserved it

3602

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41764

You deserved it

10332

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By no she wasn't high - United States - Garland

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47785

You deserved it

5863

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By Pool-less - United States

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45941

You deserved it

2371

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By sdk2010 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36360

You deserved it

2250

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By lessimportantthanatable - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4652

You deserved it

959

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By "levsterx"

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4501

You deserved it

595

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By unemployed - United States

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53699

You deserved it

2688

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By Belle - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20066

You deserved it

1357

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By krt - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26021

You deserved it

7768

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10401

You deserved it

45847

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By Anonymous - United States

Cotton Eye Joe

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling, "Who's your daddy?" at his plate of barbecued meat, and my mom just sat there with that, "What the hell happened to my life?" look on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74122

You deserved it

4529

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By Homeless - United States

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96872

You deserved it

3511

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21442

You deserved it

5051

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By Harry - United States - Milledgeville

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47760

You deserved it

8266

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By Bridget

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1791

You deserved it

179

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By MissPerspirent - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25492

You deserved it

3570

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By Hypocrisy - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19601

You deserved it

56621

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 21:27 - India - Bangalore

Jack of all trades…

Today, I'm a generalist with moderate knowledge of multiple domains, but since I'm not a specialist in any, I'm not getting a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

697

You deserved it

197

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Here I go again

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36933

You deserved it

10054

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By Anonymous - United States - State College

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45828

You deserved it

4079

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By Stinky - United States - Roanoke

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel in the rain in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4003

You deserved it

286

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44122

You deserved it

10467

Favorite

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Top comments

By amy397123 | 0

#211068 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Great grandma?
Woo, Cougar much!

By FMY_FYL | 0

#211069 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Well at least you are, in fact, somebody's type after all.

COMMENTS

By amy397123 | 0

#211068 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Great grandma?
Woo, Cougar much!

happy_animal_lov | 0

#1037802 - Monday 21 June 2010 5:33

awww, when I saw this I thought a girl might have written it!

jefffluffingham | 5

#3471571 - Saturday 22 October 2011 15:04

no, cougars cant be older than 50.
she's a mellencamp.

pretty_coin | 11

#3476015 - Sunday 23 October 2011 12:49

Don't judge the Great-Granny. Great-Grannies have needs too!!..... (I guess?)

johnnythan | 2

#3507691 - Saturday 29 October 2011 7:31

I see what you did there...

bamagrl410 | 31

#3592797 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 8:16

Awwwwkward...

Toasty283 | 8

#5475165 - Thursday 2 May 2013 15:13

I'm dying!

By FMY_FYL | 0

#211069 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Well at least you are, in fact, somebody's type after all.

theeteodoro | 0

#1101134 - Saturday 17 July 2010 10:18

hahahahahahahaha, graaannddmaass aa freeeaak!!

By Tsukasa_fml | 0

#211073 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:08

Disturbing.

By hsdffk | 0

#211095 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:20

if youre hot you cant help it
even grandmas want some ass
but if youre ugs then
...
yeah

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#1293666 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 7:03

lol, hot grandma sex anyone?? ;)

kareltje | 17

#3471509 - Saturday 22 October 2011 14:40

Eeww... I think I just...

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#211099 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:22

LOL.

By bbq45 | 0

#211102 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:24

Damn! lol did she meen that in a sexual way? XD

nop200 | 3

#5181388 - Saturday 24 November 2012 18:00

Nope, definitely not.

By jazminbliss | 0

#211106 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:28

eek. That is just......wow....fyl

By DickVanDyke | 0

#211117 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:39

GILF. I'd tap that. And think about it, if the sex was bad, she has Alzheimer's and won't remember it.

vball_luvah | 2

#977663 - Sunday 11 April 2010 7:28

more like GGILF. ughh.

iluvfmls456 | 0

#2188798 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:19

what is GILF?

astriofou | 0

#2377545 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 12:42

saggy momma sex. get the picture.. let me emphasize.. (((((SAGGY))))) is hard to do when the beef curtains are under so much skin. mind that le momma forgets dont smoke them cigarettes x3

stephan18 | 23

#3308441 - Sunday 18 September 2011 23:13

Or she forgets who you are during sex and ends up accusing you of rape, if she remembers...

44skull44 | 6

#3486113 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:25

G-ranny I-'d L-ike to F-*%k, but no i'd be REALLY creeped out

By iKaite | 0

#211120 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:42

#9, your friggin hilarious!

but yea, my granny has alzheimers, and she told me that she has never liked me that much and i was better before the sex change.

I'm a girl... so yea....

By Proudmary | 2

#211134 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:57

well, genetically speaking, you SHOULD look a bit like your great-grandfather, who is totally her type.