Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s....

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

By Alice - 21/10/2011 13:14

92 years old FML

It's been three weeks since that I've been searching (and finding) for w ays to make the traditional introduction as short as possible....

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By KarlwithaK / Tuesday 19 May 2009 03:29 / United States

Love

All in the family

DINOSAURS!!

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 9/2/2015 20:42 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

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34667

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4299

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By gnownayrgnow - 8/5/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

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45715

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5633

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By Angela - 27/2/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38108

You deserved it

3494

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2013 00:53 - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37510

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4574

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By NotTHATbad - 19/11/2016 17:26

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11433

You deserved it

1068

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

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44493

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8951

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By Heatherrolstonn - 29/5/2016 20:13 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I received an email asking for a Skype interview at 11 am sharp. I waited for half an hour. He never even accepted my contact request. FML

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12751

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918

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By kellthryn - 17/3/2020 23:00

Stop! Thief!

Today, during my work shift, my car got stolen and I had to walk home on the rain. While I was walking home, my stolen car drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1882

You deserved it

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By HaleyIsabelle - 8/3/2010 20:54 - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

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33310

You deserved it

3689

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By SHIIIIITTTT - 10/8/2012 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32914

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1766

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By ottawaaa - 27/1/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

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37957

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10773

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By why?? - 20/4/2014 04:52 - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

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43061

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7264

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By disgusted - 24/9/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30726

You deserved it

6462

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By Cleo - 23/6/2010 14:27 - Brunei Darussalam

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34212

You deserved it

10356

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was asleep in my back garden and woke up when a bird landed on my hat and took a big shit right in my open mouth. FML

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2810

You deserved it

431

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By imnotTHATlonely - 18/5/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53100

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5753

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By shocked - 25/8/2011 18:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34524

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5066

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By can't breathe - 22/11/2010 11:33 - Australia

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33337

You deserved it

3942

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By Username - 15/12/2010 17:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14155

You deserved it

34905

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

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28199

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3152

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2015 07:21 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31664

You deserved it

4406

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By supersplatoon - 8/9/2015 23:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21915

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2657

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By tooefficient - 19/8/2019 22:00

Monday, Monday, so good to me…

Today, I was scolded by my boss, all because I can finish most tasks in a quarter of the time it takes him, and he doesn't want to be shown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1547

You deserved it

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By disgruntled - 26/3/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1853

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228

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2012 04:48 - United States

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

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22859

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2414

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

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55805

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7208

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By Benchlover - 10/10/2016 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9106

You deserved it

1091

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21358

You deserved it

14458

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2015 05:55 - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25267

You deserved it

5394

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By sofked - 9/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38517

You deserved it

2171

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By El Jeffe - 5/7/2016 17:54 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to in my car was actually my transmission falling apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12813

You deserved it

4353

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By Dogmom - 14/9/2017 23:15

Today, I overheard my manager tell a customer that it's perfectly safe for dogs to eat grapes if they're seedless. I work in a pet store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3102

You deserved it

182

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By dragynfyre - 6/3/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25743

You deserved it

2109

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By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24297

You deserved it

8364

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By Sayahh - 7/1/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6524

You deserved it

3151

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By misstree - 7/9/2009 08:23 - Singapore

Today, I got annoyed with my mum stopping in her tracks each time she needed to reply to a text message. I tried to show her that you can walk and text at the same time. I ended up falling into a drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10451

You deserved it

54687

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3299

You deserved it

396

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By lonelyashell - 2/3/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24799

You deserved it

5138

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 17:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Leonards

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20444

You deserved it

7135

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By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

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23987

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1831

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Top comments

By amy397123 | 0

#211068 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Great grandma?
Woo, Cougar much!

By FMY_FYL | 0

#211069 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Well at least you are, in fact, somebody's type after all.

Comments

By amy397123 | 0

#211068 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Great grandma?
Woo, Cougar much!

happy_animal_lov | 0

#1037802 - Monday 21 June 2010 5:33

awww, when I saw this I thought a girl might have written it!

jefffluffingham | 5

#3471571 - Saturday 22 October 2011 15:04

no, cougars cant be older than 50.
she's a mellencamp.

pretty_coin | 11

#3476015 - Sunday 23 October 2011 12:49

Don't judge the Great-Granny. Great-Grannies have needs too!!..... (I guess?)

johnnythan | 2

#3507691 - Saturday 29 October 2011 7:31

I see what you did there...

bamagrl410 | 31

#3592797 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 8:16

Awwwwkward...

Toasty283 | 8

#5475165 - Thursday 2 May 2013 15:13

I'm dying!

By FMY_FYL | 0

#211069 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Well at least you are, in fact, somebody's type after all.

theeteodoro | 0

#1101134 - Saturday 17 July 2010 10:18

hahahahahahahaha, graaannddmaass aa freeeaak!!

By Tsukasa_fml | 0

#211073 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:08

Disturbing.

By hsdffk | 0

#211095 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:20

if youre hot you cant help it
even grandmas want some ass
but if youre ugs then
...
yeah

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#1293666 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 7:03

lol, hot grandma sex anyone?? ;)

kareltje | 17

#3471509 - Saturday 22 October 2011 14:40

Eeww... I think I just...

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#211099 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:22

LOL.

By bbq45 | 0

#211102 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:24

Damn! lol did she meen that in a sexual way? XD

nop200 | 3

#5181388 - Saturday 24 November 2012 18:00

Nope, definitely not.

By jazminbliss | 0

#211106 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:28

eek. That is just......wow....fyl

By DickVanDyke | 0

#211117 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:39

GILF. I'd tap that. And think about it, if the sex was bad, she has Alzheimer's and won't remember it.

vball_luvah | 2

#977663 - Sunday 11 April 2010 7:28

more like GGILF. ughh.

iluvfmls456 | 0

#2188798 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:19

what is GILF?

astriofou | 0

#2377545 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 12:42

saggy momma sex. get the picture.. let me emphasize.. (((((SAGGY))))) is hard to do when the beef curtains are under so much skin. mind that le momma forgets dont smoke them cigarettes x3

stephan18 | 23

#3308441 - Sunday 18 September 2011 23:13

Or she forgets who you are during sex and ends up accusing you of rape, if she remembers...

44skull44 | 6

#3486113 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:25

G-ranny I-'d L-ike to F-*%k, but no i'd be REALLY creeped out

By iKaite | 0

#211120 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:42

#9, your friggin hilarious!

but yea, my granny has alzheimers, and she told me that she has never liked me that much and i was better before the sex change.

I'm a girl... so yea....

By Proudmary | 2

#211134 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:57

well, genetically speaking, you SHOULD look a bit like your great-grandfather, who is totally her type.