Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s....

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

By Alice - 21/10/2011 13:14

92 years old FML

It's been three weeks since that I've been searching (and finding) for w ays to make the traditional introduction as short as possible....

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By KarlwithaK / Tuesday 19 May 2009 03:29 / United States

Love

Clocked

Doomed

Mr Sensitivity

By always-the-responsible-one - 3/1/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27526

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3093

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By Olive - 19/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

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8309

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40502

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By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

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33676

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3169

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55661

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2919

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2017 13:00

Today, my seemingly innocent younger brother showed our family a video of what he was doing last night when he skipped New Student Orientation. He's been in college all of 48 hours and he's already joined a fight club. FML

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3158

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281

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By tee - 6/4/2015 20:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29206

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1942

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By GavinHosler - 29/1/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43624

You deserved it

33628

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By stupidpolicia - 25/9/2009 08:33 - Brazil

Today, the gas station right in front of my apartment had people listening to loud music all night. I have this 3 hour test at 7:30am and didn't get any sleep. Worst of all, here in Brazil, calling the police won't help a thing. Instead of actually helping, they'll stop and join the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43693

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3310

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By SeriouslyMakeItStop - 21/3/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47204

You deserved it

8999

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By WestboroBC - 3/2/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

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7408

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72155

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - 26/6/2013 14:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48045

You deserved it

3606

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By poo4brains - 28/4/2012 04:42 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

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32936

You deserved it

3592

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By Wenny - 18/1/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49256

You deserved it

2946

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27296

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2949

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By miewann - 3/3/2015 19:06 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32062

You deserved it

2547

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By Andrew - 28/8/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33235

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8564

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By Bob - 7/4/2020 02:00

A heads up next time maybe?

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1944

You deserved it

805

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By Byepax - 6/3/2015 14:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18043

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45448

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By snappyPi - 28/1/2011 06:21

Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30015

You deserved it

5672

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2010 14:41 - Germany

Today, after almost a week of being bed-ridden with a bad flu, my mom told me it was my job to clean the house. When I told her I still had a fever and didn't feel well, she looked at me and said in an understanding voice "It's okay honey, you can do it slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33779

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5074

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 01:00

Second time

Today, I woke up with a rash on my face after just getting over a bad cold. I was told by the doctor that it was a staph infection spread by wearing a face mask. The face mask I wore so people wouldn’t catch the cold from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1897

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283

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By ow - 17/1/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

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6220

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69586

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By Scholar - 5/9/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

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27329

You deserved it

3877

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By jordigs - 23/12/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38379

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4237

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By Can't Spell Worth A Damn - 6/3/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

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30641

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41617

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By Garrison - 18/12/2017 15:40 - United States - Anchorage

I'm innocent!

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

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6498

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401

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25962

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1773

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By 1357katie - 19/9/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

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39566

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6245

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By boinger - 3/6/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

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21316

You deserved it

60955

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By thewordsicantsay - 25/2/2010 07:05 - Canada

Today, while waiting to do a presentation in class I felt someone flick my back, but when I turned around no one was there. It wasn't until I got up in front of the whole class that I felt my bra slowly sliding down my body. Turns out that the "flick" I felt was actually my bra clasp busting open. FML

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30433

You deserved it

3360

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By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

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49880

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4884

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By winnerwinner - 2/5/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37656

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6797

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By icy - 6/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Prairieville

Not fair!

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

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2306

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305

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By emmmbo - 19/12/2011 15:40 - Australia

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55684

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5427

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

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24828

You deserved it

6501

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By UGH - 8/4/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18105

You deserved it

80450

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2019 14:30

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

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1725

You deserved it

522

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

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53561

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6336

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

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3594

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214

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By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/1/2020 20:00 - United States

She likes it!

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

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658

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Top comments

By amy397123 | 0

#211068 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Great grandma?
Woo, Cougar much!

By FMY_FYL | 0

#211069 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Well at least you are, in fact, somebody's type after all.

COMMENTS

By amy397123 | 0

#211068 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Great grandma?
Woo, Cougar much!

happy_animal_lov | 0

#1037802 - Monday 21 June 2010 5:33

awww, when I saw this I thought a girl might have written it!

jefffluffingham | 5

#3471571 - Saturday 22 October 2011 15:04

no, cougars cant be older than 50.
she's a mellencamp.

pretty_coin | 11

#3476015 - Sunday 23 October 2011 12:49

Don't judge the Great-Granny. Great-Grannies have needs too!!..... (I guess?)

johnnythan | 2

#3507691 - Saturday 29 October 2011 7:31

I see what you did there...

bamagrl410 | 31

#3592797 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 8:16

Awwwwkward...

Toasty283 | 8

#5475165 - Thursday 2 May 2013 15:13

I'm dying!

By FMY_FYL | 0

#211069 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:07

Well at least you are, in fact, somebody's type after all.

theeteodoro | 0

#1101134 - Saturday 17 July 2010 10:18

hahahahahahahaha, graaannddmaass aa freeeaak!!

By Tsukasa_fml | 0

#211073 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:08

Disturbing.

By hsdffk | 0

#211095 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:20

if youre hot you cant help it
even grandmas want some ass
but if youre ugs then
...
yeah

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#1293666 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 7:03

lol, hot grandma sex anyone?? ;)

kareltje | 17

#3471509 - Saturday 22 October 2011 14:40

Eeww... I think I just...

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#211099 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:22

LOL.

By bbq45 | 0

#211102 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:24

Damn! lol did she meen that in a sexual way? XD

nop200 | 3

#5181388 - Saturday 24 November 2012 18:00

Nope, definitely not.

By jazminbliss | 0

#211106 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:28

eek. That is just......wow....fyl

By DickVanDyke | 0

#211117 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:39

GILF. I'd tap that. And think about it, if the sex was bad, she has Alzheimer's and won't remember it.

vball_luvah | 2

#977663 - Sunday 11 April 2010 7:28

more like GGILF. ughh.

iluvfmls456 | 0

#2188798 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:19

what is GILF?

astriofou | 0

#2377545 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 12:42

saggy momma sex. get the picture.. let me emphasize.. (((((SAGGY))))) is hard to do when the beef curtains are under so much skin. mind that le momma forgets dont smoke them cigarettes x3

stephan18 | 23

#3308441 - Sunday 18 September 2011 23:13

Or she forgets who you are during sex and ends up accusing you of rape, if she remembers...

44skull44 | 6

#3486113 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:25

G-ranny I-'d L-ike to F-*%k, but no i'd be REALLY creeped out

By iKaite | 0

#211120 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:42

#9, your friggin hilarious!

but yea, my granny has alzheimers, and she told me that she has never liked me that much and i was better before the sex change.

I'm a girl... so yea....

By Proudmary | 2

#211134 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 12:57

well, genetically speaking, you SHOULD look a bit like your great-grandfather, who is totally her type.