Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, a kid threw a rock at a beehive while my friend and I where standing next to it. It fell down, and a swarm of slightly displeased bees assumed that we were the culprit. Knowing what was about to happen, my friend and I ran for our lives. He ran fast enough to escape; I didn't. The kid, the actual culprit, didn't get attacked. FML
Today, I made a joke about my electric lawnmower sounding like a bunch of angry bees. It was verified when I ran over a beehive in my backyard. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML
Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML
Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
supimnyancat 9
I pressed YDI after I read "Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest."
BountyBass 13
And so you should
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (305)
jackassiddy 8
Should have minded your own bees' wax. Maybe if you would have behive'd you wouldn't have to deal with the sting of responsibility you feel for the outcome. Should have just let it bee.. ok I'm out of shitty puns.
jackassiddy 8
^ Why is this not buried yet? C'mon people I can't do this alone!
misshighjinks 5
More like **** their life! Why would you do something like that? I honestly hit YDI after the very first sentence.
XxWolvesBitexX 8
Hatsune Miku! :D
Calyx_fml 22
They will find the paintball stained bees nest and link it to you. Best to confess.
Awsumuzzie 12
I think "dick" might be somewhat of an understatement. I hope you were the one who called the ambulance. Also, nothing says "I'm sorry" like a warm plate of bacon! Or so I've heard....
un1corns 15
Idiot. Why would you even do that?
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Way to be a bully to the bees -_-
mackdeezy 22
F your life? **** no! F THEIR life. Either way if you shot a hive the bees would have come out to attack. Naturally they would have attacked you, but somehow they missed your childish ass and attacked an innocent family. That's just not right.
perdix 31
Bees live in a hive, wasps live in a nest. If they "slaughtered" your neighbors, you wouldn't just be a dick, you'd be a murderer. Your vocabulary needs work.
astralvagan 20
Well said!
meganb13 1
Weird, a boy who can spell? Impressive. Read through the grammar issues and take the compliment :)
Z0D 0
Horrible grammar you have there sir.
DocBastard 40
Here's what I suggest: put the beehive in your bedroom, and then you can shoot it to your heart's content. The only reason you feel like a dick is because you are one.
Satirical 7
Well, for that, OP would need to gather up some mental charisma to help him through a quite excruciating task of moving a bee hive into his room. Then I suppose he could continue to give himself some relentless pain to his heart's content.
Azail 15
Doc since you are a surgeon can you surgically neuter OP so he doesn't reproduce and bring more stupidity into the world?
egc573 40
What sort of dumbfuck process in your brain would bring you to the conclusion that that would be a wise/fun/cool/totally-not-dumbfucking thing to do? If any neighbors find out (and they probably will), you'll likely be known as the asshole with a blatant disregard for life. Oh, and a viable lawsuit.