Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of... - FML

By shit... - 5/7/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

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British Broadcasting Corporation

The student becomes the master

Assumptions

By middleagednurse - 14/1/2015 17:49 - United States - Miami

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

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By unitywoods - 27/3/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML

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By Roses are Red - 7/3/2013 06:07 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

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By - 26/1/2017 00:00

Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

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By mugged - 1/6/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

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By Nylo - 29/1/2018 01:30

Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out really nice. I had a bite and left it on the counter with plastic wrap covering, only to come back later to find my sister's cat pissing on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

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By Moron with reflexes - 29/5/2019 06:03

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 14:00 - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

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By howaboutno - 14/3/2013 09:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2013 18:00 - United States - Fairview

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

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By Mygawdwhy - 21/1/2018 01:30

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 00:53 - United States - Piedmont

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

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By fmynote - 27/8/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me and said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

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By lemonchips - 12/10/2015 21:28 - Norway

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

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By notguilty - 15/8/2009 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

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By n1a1t1h1a1n1 - 11/12/2012 07:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

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By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/6/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

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By Raaar - 26/8/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

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By muscalata - 20/7/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

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By Liz0352 - 8/11/2018 04:30 - United States - Bainbridge Island

Today, my youngest son's teacher surprised me with a box of diapers. Apparently my son told her I was pregnant, but I'm not. I had to explain to her I'm just fat. She apologized and felt awful, and told me to keep the diapers. My children are 5 and 7. FML

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By kaley - 14/12/2019 03:00

Real dream

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

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By sad_unicorn - 31/7/2016 04:51

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

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By effme - 1/6/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 08:04 - Canada

Today, I was in a dating auction. I was bought for $2. The man who won a date with me recited every dialog from the movie The Lord of the Rings. FML

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By Paige - 26/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

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By SoClose - 3/2/2009 14:25 - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

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By Username - 6/7/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700 mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

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By simpleasjam - 19/9/2016 14:27 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

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By KennyDidIt - 9/12/2012 13:18 - United States - Grand Bay

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

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By please stop singing!!!! - 21/3/2014 23:59 - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

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By WTF - 15/10/2015 04:43 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

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By lonely. - 15/8/2012 16:46 - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

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By charmed - 12/8/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

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Top comments

By kLow_fml | 0

#371266 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:55

well you deserved that one for using the phrase "math is power"

By WhyMe1_2_3 | 0

#371259 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:52

haha , parent teach conferences should be interesting

Comments

By WhyMe1_2_3 | 0

#371259 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:52

haha , parent teach conferences should be interesting

Reply

emskater18 | 0

#371518 - Monday 6 July 2009 1:16

dude its ur fault for not proof reading!

Reply

jjjjessica | 0

#372005 - Monday 6 July 2009 5:22

just send another email correcting your typo...

Reply

#372126 - Monday 6 July 2009 6:25

ydi for ever sayin math is power and ydi for being a douche

Reply

eggnogg | 0

#372307 - Monday 6 July 2009 8:07

no, its his fault for living in georgia, where most of those parents will now thinks he deals meth

Reply

princesssparkle_fml | 0

#372586 - Monday 6 July 2009 10:15

LMFAO you just made my fucking day!!!

Reply

RunZoneFive | 0

#373997 - Tuesday 7 July 2009 1:33

Hahah! This is awesome

Reply

SkeetingSergio | 0

#374383 - Tuesday 7 July 2009 3:36

Hahahah, I did something similar to my math teacher, he had a name tag that said his name, and underneath it, it said "Math Expert" I changed the "Math" to "Meth" hahah.

Reply

Metzler31 | 17

#1000593 - Friday 21 May 2010 13:30

haha it would have been funny if it said meth is powder....

wait, is meth powder? I really don't know...

Reply

dantheman97 | 9

#5829544 - Friday 17 January 2014 3:07

Bro do you even watch breaking bad?

By angorashi | 0

#371261 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:53

Lmfao, you just made my day!!

Reply

googlefrewdnoob | 0

#3667741 - Thursday 1 December 2011 4:17

It made my day more knowing that e and
I are at opposite ends of the keyboard

Reply

Liamj774 | 36

#5326114 - Wednesday 16 January 2013 4:26

175- Dafuq?

Reply

greeneyebeauty9 | 28

#5857796 - Friday 14 February 2014 5:09

Breaking Bad.. all bad..

By SoraHikari | 0

#371264 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:54

I fucking love you.

Reply

iKaite | 0

#371403 - Monday 6 July 2009 0:08

She is the most awesome math teacher evar. I agree with you dude.

Reply

TysonFawlay | 0

#371557 - Monday 6 July 2009 1:40

He.

Reply

hi5534 | 3

#371975 - Monday 6 July 2009 5:03

lol, fail, but win at teh same time, :3

Reply

Uber_G33k | 0

#426268 - Friday 24 July 2009 23:37

You mean 'Meth Teacher'?

Reply

talkomatic713 | 13

#5574174 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 20:21

You mean "he"?

By kLow_fml | 0

#371266 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:55

well you deserved that one for using the phrase "math is power"

Reply

xiloveyoux3 | 0

#371270 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:56

Agreed!

Reply

tronner | 0

#371301 - Sunday 5 July 2009 23:10

yup!

Reply

MR_OHCRAP | 0

#371872 - Monday 6 July 2009 4:05

Yeah, it sounds a bit gay. And also, how can you mix the A and the E? The S and W is in between them, unless you using a Dvorak keyboard, then I don't know.

Reply

chinchilla_fml | 0

#372377 - Monday 6 July 2009 8:55

I was just about to say the same thing. How can you mistype an 'a' with an 'e' they are pretty far apart.

Reply

iFlipYouOff | 2

#3239867 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:39

What does meth mean?

Reply

ryanebk | 7

#4841420 - Tuesday 21 August 2012 0:41

Really?!

Reply

Link5794 | 16

#4870125 - Tuesday 28 August 2012 16:16

If you can ask that on the Internet, you can Google it and avoid looking stupid.

By NoSoupForYou | 0

#371272 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:56

Hahaha that sounds like something a teacher would do at my school!

By no1askdu | 5

#371275 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:57

maybe you should switch to english...

Reply

you_know_who10 | 0

#372171 - Monday 6 July 2009 6:51

haha i'm not sure english would be the best option either...

By seb12992 | 0

#371277 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:57

Hey, it's true.

Reply

LauraTheKiwi | 0

#959761 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 23:54

yeah. meth is power. :D

By littlemisslee | 0

#371278 - Sunday 5 July 2009 22:57

like they don't know what you meant?! I'm sure most are laughing at your mistake.

By Compwiz1993 | 0

#371289 - Sunday 5 July 2009 23:01

Um... The a key isn't near the e key, do I wonder what you were thinking when you typed that? Well technically, you aren't lying.

Reply

EJade | 0

#371321 - Sunday 5 July 2009 23:28

I don't know what kind of keyboard you're using but the A key is definitely near the E key. W and S are the only keys in between them.

Reply

Meeeheeh | 0

#371422 - Monday 6 July 2009 0:21

That is not close to nearby =p.

Reply

rawr37 | 0

#371622 - Monday 6 July 2009 2:00

a and e is close enough to make a mistake when your typing really fast. Sometimes I make mistakes with the w and t keys.

Reply

Sawadee | 0

#372317 - Monday 6 July 2009 8:12

you are a fxxking reward

By Nick402 | 0

#371291 - Sunday 5 July 2009 23:02

YDI for having such a dumb phrase to begin with, but FYL for making a typo that bad.

Reply

kb26hockey | 0

#371615 - Monday 6 July 2009 1:56

my thoughts exactly.