Miscellaneous: Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided...

By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 798

You deserved it 1 908

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Awkward

By cantgetabreak - 13/12/2016 18:50

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 999

You deserved it 541

By miewann - 03/03/2015 19:06 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 113

You deserved it 2 555

By Anon - 27/08/2015 08:37 - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 286

You deserved it 5 824

By LLCoolBean - 03/03/2011 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 536

You deserved it 58 743

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I received my acceptance letter to one of the most prestigious universities in the US, as well as a nice scholarship. I was so proud of myself, I eagerly showed my dad, hoping he would shed a tear or two. His only words were, "Just get a job so you can get the hell out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 633

You deserved it 3 767

By Username - 25/05/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 314

You deserved it 9 577

By 90 up I-95 - 07/07/2017 20:00 - United States - State College

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 416

You deserved it 827

By appaluver - 03/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 703

You deserved it 14 726

By girlsx2mom - 31/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 606

You deserved it 7 843

By Franigirl - 26/02/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 897

You deserved it 4 557

By needlessly hungry - 10/03/2019 20:00

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 3 369

By thanxguys - 17/03/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 4 761

Hard shoulder

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 08:00

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 19:05 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 229

You deserved it 11 960

By noraidk - 26/05/2010 18:35 - United States

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 773

You deserved it 41 766

By strangebeans - 25/07/2012 05:27 - United States

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 3 615

By coffee - 22/08/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 13 598

Judgmental much!?

By Stairway2Heaven - 02/03/2009 21:03 - Canada

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 560

You deserved it 19 407

By randomusername99 - 05/05/2014 21:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 592

You deserved it 4 728

By aqua88 - 05/11/2009 15:26 - Malaysia

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 979

You deserved it 3 271

By alone - 06/02/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 961

You deserved it 2 773

By Anonymous - 17/11/2018 17:30

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 152

I'm not a monster, I'm a human being

By Casey - 18/03/2021 11:01

Today, on vacation my wife asked if I wanted her to take my picture. I realized it was the first time in our 10 years she had asked me that question. Moments later I realized it's the first time in my life that anyone's ever asked me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 91

By owmyhead - 21/08/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 068

You deserved it 49 442

By alainopotato - 02/01/2017 11:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 413

You deserved it 5 322

By Veronica Rambo - 24/10/2018 17:30

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 370

You deserved it 687

By raebelle - 02/06/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 572

You deserved it 10 742

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 223

You deserved it 7 379

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 475

Thanks dude

By Cheese - 12/05/2021 00:02

Today, my sausage dog ate my cat's turds and barfed them all over my bed. Try convincing the girl you just brought home to get into bed after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 229

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 819

You deserved it 2 594

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 995

You deserved it 17 802

By NoRespect - 22/05/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 574

You deserved it 3 244

By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 590

You deserved it 3 810

By *sneeze* - 29/11/2018 12:00

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 030

You deserved it 446

By Gina - 02/04/2010 11:33 - Thailand

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 266

You deserved it 9 563

Bye then!

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 18:57 - Mexico - Garza Garcia

Today, while on holiday. I got a call to let me know my job will be gone away when I return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 57

Thanks for all the help

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 08:29

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 110

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 921

You deserved it 16 370

By Starchyld - 11/11/2009 12:21 - Canada

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 852

You deserved it 4 117

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

LaBooskie 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:53

Funny dad.

Doortje 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:52

Well YOUR teacher does.

lollovelife0304 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:52

Sucks for you!

hotshot2626 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 9:28

Haha idk, I mean it shows op's dad cares. Just in a slightly juvenile way. Personally I would have just waited till open house.

iiAntheA17 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 14:01

If someone says that one more time, they're going to get round house kicked in the face.

klovemachine 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 14:45

Yeah, good luck with that 33 :D

iiAntheA17 7

Send a private message

Thursday 27 September 2012 14:09

I don't need luck. I have magical unicorns that will take me anywhere I need to go, to kick them in the face. But thanks for the luck though (:

Doortje 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:52

Well YOUR teacher does.

onlychildFTW 33

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 9:54

It seems like a smart idea to see if the teachers are paying attention. OP, your dads smart, at your expense. Haha.

LaBooskie 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:53

Funny dad.

HeyArnold91 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 10:36

I would hi-five my dad if he had a sense of humor like that.

kearsleyz 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:55

Classic

daringtoride 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:57

Sorry, OP, but this is pretty funny. One of those moments when it's funny unless it's happening to you :') Speaking of, hilarious dad!

st333ph 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 8:59

Your dad is legendary! HAHAHA

Zya_fml 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 9:01

What a stupid way to figure out if the teachers pay attention what the stupids hand in. I hope your dad was honest and admitted. if not then fuck your life.

bugmenotmofo 34

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 18:03

Here comes Captain Killjoy.

TomPusslicker 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 18:21

Always makes me think of Buzz Killington.lol

Forlorn420 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 9:03

That's a great idea lol

JustKittyKat 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 9:04

I am trying to imagine the look on the principle's face when he/she finds out that the dad did actually sign that. Oh how I wish some FML's could include photos.

Quinn32 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 23:24

principal*

JustKittyKat 24

Send a private message

Thursday 27 September 2012 1:49

Whelp, that was my autocorrect.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 9:05

Are you sure he's not a pre-op transsexual? I don't know of many men who are proud of their moobs, but there's always a first for everything.

gc327072 30

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 14:40

Perdix: always traversing the strangest of social avenues in the name of humor.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 September 2012 15:47

Yep, when I got here, the comments sections were clogged with "That sucks" and "YDI for being a whore!" I'd like to think that I contributed in some small way to the improved quality and creativity of comments here.