Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it...

By Jesus - 27/9/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19206

You deserved it

31787

Favorite

Health

Understandable

Who's a good boy?

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By Kyrie - 14/9/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3364

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By daddydaughterWTF - 2/8/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27381

You deserved it

2595

Favorite

By loveloves154 - 30/3/2018 15:00

Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3847

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 21:26 - New Zealand

Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22045

You deserved it

1921

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/6/2011 01:11 - Canada

Today, I was driving my motorcycle, and I noticed someone was in the ditch, so I went to go help them. When the ambulance showed up, they ran over my bike, totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42661

You deserved it

3734

Favorite

By im_not_me - 9/12/2009 12:31 - Australia

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38299

You deserved it

2700

Favorite

By insurance lies - 8/7/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49390

You deserved it

3910

Favorite

By Faaccckkk - 25/3/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41803

You deserved it

3295

Favorite

By anonymous - 6/5/2013 18:08 - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64311

You deserved it

4963

Favorite

By Noname - 18/3/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17070

You deserved it

84489

Favorite

By ChangMu - 1/5/2013 06:40 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39280

You deserved it

7452

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2011 23:27 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22391

You deserved it

31611

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 23:47 - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43034

You deserved it

5221

Favorite

By TragicallyAnxious - 9/5/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

564

You deserved it

2301

Favorite

By WTF - 16/1/2013 07:52

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42421

You deserved it

4320

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13168

You deserved it

981

Favorite

By Imdead - 14/9/2018 22:00

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person has decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2534

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By comedybreak - 30/10/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30079

You deserved it

2728

Favorite

By Azure_Mist - 27/1/2011 22:53 - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35149

You deserved it

3115

Favorite

By For - 28/12/2010 14:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31531

You deserved it

6973

Favorite

By Chris - 3/4/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29533

You deserved it

4106

Favorite

By KnowledgableEx - 10/11/2016 12:42 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12168

You deserved it

1120

Favorite

By OnPlanetVenus - 4/7/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71208

You deserved it

6121

Favorite

By mother to be - 4/8/2014 13:20 - United States

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38806

You deserved it

7009

Favorite

By NotSpiderman - 31/10/2012 17:09 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24576

You deserved it

4539

Favorite

By screwed - 24/1/2009 18:56 - Chile

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12743

You deserved it

29680

Favorite

By love you too mommy - 27/1/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46354

You deserved it

5232

Favorite

By Tyler - 25/8/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46087

You deserved it

9616

Favorite

By Emily - 3/3/2011 15:23

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24270

You deserved it

16864

Favorite

By Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38043

You deserved it

2559

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 19:12

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6437

You deserved it

480

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2011 19:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38545

You deserved it

3702

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2014 03:29 - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40122

You deserved it

3650

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42867

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By dry spell - 2/7/2013 16:17 - United States - Belfair

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47114

You deserved it

4756

Favorite

By anonymous - 21/6/2010 12:21 - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63073

You deserved it

6042

Favorite

By meep - 16/3/2017 00:00

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4715

You deserved it

407

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30233

You deserved it

2676

Favorite

By thanks guys - 7/4/2019 00:00

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2610

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By jackie89 - 10/8/2014 19:26 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57332

You deserved it

7397

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Miss_Kristen | 10

#3354229 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:27

Why would you kill it with your bare hands?!

By s0m3guy2010 | 21

#3354270 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:30

How does someone mistake a sharp pointed object with an 8 legged arachnid. You are not the sharpest tool in the shed, although a hammer might have been nice.

Comments

By Miss_Kristen | 10

#3354229 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:27

Why would you kill it with your bare hands?!

construction | 7

#3354952 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 12:39

Why not? Makes it more satisfying lol

LiyIa_fml | 8

#3355224 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 14:31

Well... At least you don't have spider guts all over your hand...

rexgar2000 | 10

#3355343 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 15:19

well isn't that smart.

TROLLFACEdotJPG | 5

#3355455 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 15:59

Didn't you read his name he's Jesus for god sake.

opendoorclosed | 8

#3355466 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 16:05

"I RECKON IT'S ONE OF THEM STICK SHAPPED SPIDERS, MAH!"

drawmesunshine | 17

#3355845 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 17:39

I like spiders. They eat the bad things like mosquitos and flies. And most of them are harmless to people.

OP, YDI for trying to kill a spider.

ihavenosoul | 4

#3355927 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 18:04

82- the spider would do the same thing OP tried to do of it had humans in it's house.

NameTitleHere | 0

#3357226 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 23:51

Lool, I read it wrong. I thought OP used their Head! And I was thinking, " Why not use your hands?!"

fishing12345 | 2

#3357589 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 1:10

You don't?

ihavenosoul | 4

#3358118 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 3:26

She uses the force to kill spiders.

worldcupcheer17 | 0

#3358137 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 3:29

who else keeps getting the image in their minds?

nonye | 2

#3358611 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 5:27

Ouch!!!!!!!

Po1ntBlank | 0

#3361064 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 18:13

LMAO. His username is jesus, and he had his hand impaled on a nail. crusifcation anyone?

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4473579 - Thursday 24 May 2012 0:13

That's what I said.

By banman12321 | 6

#3354233 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:28

Owned?

lerouxmaster | 7

#3354879 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 12:19

Nailed.

piehunter1 | 0

#3355161 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 14:04

^^ I see what you did there. :D

Bravo11 | 14

#3356527 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 20:47

Jesus, I bet that hurt.

By cBlackout | 13

#3354240 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:28

A very sharp spider indeed.

stevenJB | 25

#4111403 - Thursday 1 March 2012 22:10

A very sharp...witted spider, If you will.

By BeatlesObsessed | 12

#3354244 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:28

Hahaha, we have to admit that it's happened to all of us before as well. :p

construction | 7

#3354961 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 12:40

Cant say that I confused a sharp nail for a 6 legged spider

Caitlyn36 | 8

#3354977 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 12:45

Uhm, spiders have 8 legs :/

drawmesunshine | 17

#3355818 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 17:33

Unless he's twice an amputee.

SteelCladAngel | 0

#3356002 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 18:37

Can't say I've ever spiked a nail through my hand trying to swat a spider.
I use a vacuum, a book or a spiffy little handheld bug zapper...

tweetbaby14 | 17

#3357106 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 22:49

No some of the more twisted people rip legs off of spiders.... Could even have 3 legs.

And I can't say that I've done the same...

lajaynay | 15

#3358728 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 5:57

Technically... Spiders have 6 legs and 2 arms. Their front 'legs' are used as arms.

oops_im_fucked | 8

#3362734 - Thursday 29 September 2011 1:51

Smart ass...

victoria114 | 6

#4452541 - Friday 18 May 2012 20:44

I could bet you that didnt happen to you... I dont think many people on earth think a nail is a spider... /:s

By baseballplaya5 | 7

#3354253 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:29

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

slick5880 | 22

#3355144 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 13:52

You really can't be dumb enough to put your phone number in your profile.

tmmundy | 17

#3355179 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 14:11

#61...oh but he can and is, lmao. can't imagine the phone calls or texts this guy has gotten from doing this. I bet it will be a FML soon. LMAO

ReynshineCutting | 10

#3355734 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 17:14

Not to mention his email address is his name. Poor dumb kids.

tweetbaby14 | 17

#3358026 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 3:08

And then your info was mysteriously given to a bunch of dirty old dudes in NAMBLA.

By s0m3guy2010 | 21

#3354270 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 8:30

How does someone mistake a sharp pointed object with an 8 legged arachnid. You are not the sharpest tool in the shed, although a hammer might have been nice.