Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my stepfather refused to drive me to the hospital after having a toothpick that was left on the floor lodge itself and break off in the bottom of my foot. He's the only person in the house that uses toothpicks. FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML
Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
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Top comments
rikai 11
that's just nasty
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. :D But seriously, that's disgusting.
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Comments (60)
PenguinBitch 44
Well, once you grow up and can afford the luxury to buy toothpicks you can do whatever you want with them.
bingbongbingbong 11
You have to work you way up on a kitchen
bingbongbingbong 11
Wrong fml
toneeangel 22
Your dad is nasty
LegolasPrincess 10
He followed the three R's, but that's still nasty.
Jared900DUmpling 30
Hey, you've got some extra snack bits for later!
purebliss_fml 19
It's time to talk to your dad about what is sanitary and what is not...
Lennox_B 8
Lol eww burn the box
perdix 31
You might never have to buy toothpicks again!
ifavela89 13
thats gross did you say something? did you throw the toothpicks out at least?
jw90 18
He's saving the planet one toothpick at a time.