Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my stepfather refused to drive me to the hospital after having a toothpick that was left on the floor lodge itself and break off in the bottom of my foot. He's the only person in the house that uses toothpicks. FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML
Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML
Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
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Top comments
rikai 11
that's just nasty
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. :D But seriously, that's disgusting.
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Comments (60)
JesseAttack 21
Oh God my mother does that... She uses the plastic ones more than once... Keeps them in the bag.
TheWorldGreatest 8
Throw the box out, replace them he will never know!
DFresh503 8
Those just became his own personal stash haha. Time to get your own. But it kinda makes me wonder what else OP's pops may be using and putting back...
Highroller42 2
The great Douglas Adams once postulated that instructions on a box of toothpicks were a sign of the end of civilization, but I don't think he even considered our current state of downfall where ops dad is actually in need of those instructions. I'm depressed.
sengmeng 4
EVERYTHING THEY SAY ABOUT KENTUCKY IS TRUE
RedPillSucks 33
What? It's the best place to live? The smartest people live there? Kentucky air makes you seem prettier? Come on. What do they say?
worldclassrager 41
Never use a toothpick again from a fresh box...I would rather be safe than using one that just might have been used...
Yellow_Fish79 11
Thats sooooooo gross. I would never use one of those toothpicks again lol
jesustitts 20
"My germs!!"
LadyLeo2885 2
Never ever use a toothpick from that box...noted. Smh
BeefyMeaty 8
Think of all the toothpicks you've used and all the toothpicks your father put back in the box... A lot