By

Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3239

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

Walk on the wild side

It never rains…

Don't Give Up

By DemiRawrs - United States

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64521

You deserved it

4680

Tweet

Share

By Kayla

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2337

You deserved it

497

Tweet

Share

By worthless - United States

Downhill

Today, I was reading my boyfriend's online diary. It started off really sweet, saying he was in a wonderful relationship with me, and how he utterly adored me. It then slowly progressed into loathing and wondering what he ever saw in me, all because I have a low sex-drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33956

You deserved it

19283

Tweet

Share

By Oopsydaisy31

Metal music

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

509

You deserved it

4422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21964

You deserved it

108741

Tweet

Share

By Hello - United States

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31359

You deserved it

3959

Tweet

Share

By weirdesout - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71832

You deserved it

8718

Tweet

Share

By bluehairedfreakgirl - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45413

You deserved it

38654

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 20:00

Rock, hard place

Today, I'm horny all the time, but my endurance in the sack is horrible. Why me? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1237

You deserved it

382

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31178

You deserved it

3285

Tweet

Share

By ninaaaa - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36711

You deserved it

4000

Tweet

Share

By zobara - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40990

You deserved it

3898

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today as I was waiting at the gynecologist I texted my husband to see if birth control pills were covered on our insurance...yep texted my boss instead who I had been asking about a raise..don’t think I’ll be getting that raise... FML

I agree, your life sucks

1958

You deserved it

614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Moving day

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26253

You deserved it

3802

Tweet

Share

By TheMissMuffly - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9814

You deserved it

52956

Tweet

Share

By will - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1414

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50904

You deserved it

12344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in my front yard. As I stormed off in my dramatic exit, I realized I had locked myself outside. I had to ask my now ex-boyfriend to borrow his phone so I could call my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40877

You deserved it

9498

Tweet

Share

By FrozenD - Canada

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35589

You deserved it

2251

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11375

You deserved it

21293

Tweet

Share

By Depressed - Sudan

Great deal

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26350

You deserved it

41210

Tweet

Share

By moosemay - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20139

You deserved it

2050

Tweet

Share

By scribbler8 - Canada

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27343

You deserved it

2560

Tweet

Share

By Unwanted - Austria

Today, my boyfriend declared he doesn't feel ready to move in with me for at least "some more years". We have already been together for five years. When he bought an apartment one year ago, he kept it a secret for three months. Maybe I should learn to take a hint. Or several hints. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22363

You deserved it

4535

Tweet

Share

By Monkeyless - United States - Providence

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27224

You deserved it

2939

Tweet

Share

By pray for me

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1855

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Midland

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58778

You deserved it

15293

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68638

You deserved it

5568

Tweet

Share

By annoyed - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34237

You deserved it

2972

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30898

You deserved it

4773

Tweet

Share

By missmisfit - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23953

You deserved it

3299

Tweet

Share

By lovebigmacs - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16101

You deserved it

41887

Tweet

Share

By familyhatesme - United States - Kingston

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47404

You deserved it

7886

Tweet

Share

By me - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11869

You deserved it

28473

Tweet

Share

By "1DisGR8" - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3397

You deserved it

322

Tweet

Share

By Sensitive!!! - 24/8/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

A teaching moment

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1984

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13847

You deserved it

40255

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23471

You deserved it

5361

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28048

You deserved it

6458

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 02:01

Lazy comeback

Today, I was doing my job and trying to teach a lazy bunch of 16-year-olds. A girl entered the room just 15 minutes before class ended, so I snapped, "Someone had better have died for you to be this late!" She immediately burst into tears. Turns out, someone had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

668

You deserved it

2446

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7876704 - Friday 24 January 2020 14:32

I hope you didn't try the dip. If you don't know what smegma is, don't look it up.

By Hannah Eder | 16

#7876725 - Friday 24 January 2020 15:49

This feels like a repost but people have the capacity of being really gross, so the odds of another dad pulling this too is....very high. RIP.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7876704 - Friday 24 January 2020 14:32

I hope you didn't try the dip. If you don't know what smegma is, don't look it up.

By Hannah Eder | 16

#7876725 - Friday 24 January 2020 15:49

This feels like a repost but people have the capacity of being really gross, so the odds of another dad pulling this too is....very high. RIP.

Reply

kfchicken_fml | 28

#7876849 - Friday 24 January 2020 23:32

recently if it's just the male avatar with no username I assume it's a repost

By Miss_Whipped | 43

#7876860 - Saturday 25 January 2020 0:43

Definitely a repost. I remember this one from years ago and made a mental note to keep my chips to myself.

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7876895 - Saturday 25 January 2020 8:20

This is where she says “What are you doing step dad”

By CaliBlitz0206 | 7

#7924931 - Friday 24 July 2020 7:12

🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮