Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew...

By Sting - 26/4/2016 20:49 - United States - Manassas

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

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Animals

Work name

Oh, hai!

Vultures

By obsequiousfannyflapper - 10/2/2013 23:13 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

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By breathexali - 24/7/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By UghDude - 6/9/2014 13:35 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

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By stubble - 13/11/2009 06:26 - Canada

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

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By LoveMyNewBro - 4/1/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

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By grovage - 3/5/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML

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By in_pain - 6/5/2011 23:23 - Canada

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

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By musicalkitcat - 5/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

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By Loney - 22/4/2018 19:00

#blessed

Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML

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By yapDogs - 10/5/2015 01:43 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

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By dhskkf - 28/8/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

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By irresponsible - 14/8/2010 20:41 - United States

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

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By best_mom_ever - 19/10/2012 07:59 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

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By gallstones - 9/7/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

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By ThrewItOntheGrooooooound - 7/4/2016 09:48 - Denmark - Odense

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 10:34 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML

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By just socially awkward - 16/11/2018 12:00

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

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By alephnull - 2/2/2011 21:07 - Canada

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2020 18:00

Our house, was a very very very nice house

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

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By poop - 21/3/2015 16:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2012 21:27 - United States

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

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By thinking of military school - 23/10/2016 20:35

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

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By DrawingWaves - 27/9/2016 22:36 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML

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By baldygirl - 2/11/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

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By Username - 9/6/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I spent fifteen minutes looking for my phone in my car before I realized I was using it as a flashlight. FML

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By oh shit - 6/7/2014 19:28 - United States - Palatine

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 07:42 - United States

Today, a group of carolers was coming up my street, so I went out in the cold to wait for them. When they finally arrived, I waved and greeted them. They huddled up discussing something while pointing at me, then skipped my house. FML

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By dhdyvifjdksk - 26/1/2020 03:00 - United States

Good deeds

Today, I donated blood and the nurse said: "God blesses good deeds", when I get home, my mom tells me that we have to sell the house because we're broke. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 06:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

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By J - 7/2/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

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By Pon - 23/1/2017 18:00

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

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By shmoooopie - 29/5/2015 03:39 - United States - Medina

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

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By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

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By alrightsheryl - 28/3/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

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Top comments

By Misschrissyv | 7

#6590154 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:16

Wasps are assholes.

By SecundusSecunda | 27

#6590168 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:37

Wasps aren't sending their best
They're sending crappy flyers, vengeful stingers, and some, I assume, might help pollinate our flowers

Comments

By krazy789 | 28

#6590143 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:04

Wrong place at the wrong time

By dorothy675 | 15

#6590144 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:08

Better *wasp* out next time.

Sayeret_Matkal | 18

#6590208 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 8:56

What?

Arkham_Callabero | 15

#6590223 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 9:42

That didn't make any sense

Snickers4 | 16

#6590963 - Thursday 28 April 2016 4:54

Guys it's a pun for "watch"

Kidd_Ant | 18

#6591162 - Thursday 28 April 2016 11:57

Boooo.

By fvckyolifekys | 6

#6590149 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:10

rip

By wheresmymary | 22

#6590152 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:15

Hopefully you're not allergic

By may14th | 26

#6590153 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:15

I usually wake up with a wasp in my room every morning during the summer and for some reason they always gravitate towards the fan. Idiots.

By Misschrissyv | 7

#6590154 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:16

Wasps are assholes.

By TigranPet | 24

#6590155 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:19

At least they only sting once.

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#6590195 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 8:27

Wasps can sting more than once. That's why they're more agressive than bees.

doodycakes | 16

#6590463 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 16:17

Ohhhhh nooooo they sting multiple times and it hurts like a motherfucker

Pop_And_Lock | 14

#6591964 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:40

Bees only sting once, wasps can do it multiple times.

By frenzyfusion1122 | 13

#6590156 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:22

That's a real, stinger. Sorry OP hope you feel better!!!

By jawarston | 24

#6590160 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:24

Where was Ant Man when you needed him

Kitouran | 30

#6590375 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 14:28

Ant-Man can't control wasps.

Ungrateful_Imp | 9

#6590669 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 21:16

But isn't Ant-Man's main antagonist (in the movie) Yellowjacket? And isn't that a species of wasp?

By SecundusSecunda | 27

#6590168 - Wednesday 27 April 2016 7:37

Wasps aren't sending their best
They're sending crappy flyers, vengeful stingers, and some, I assume, might help pollinate our flowers

maxthebigseal | 21

#6590790 - Thursday 28 April 2016 0:05

I wonder how many people got the reference.

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6590993 - Thursday 28 April 2016 5:24

Enough to get some likes and downvotes lol