By everybodypoops

"Pooping and Shit"

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3763

You deserved it

467

Favorite

Transportation

Walk on the wild side

Nice neighborhood

Banished

By Blamethepostman

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8942

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26584

You deserved it

5550

Favorite

By cookscatastrophy - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17602

You deserved it

46981

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Quebec

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39460

You deserved it

4212

Favorite

By I Hate My Brother - United Kingdom - Colchester

Brotherly love

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By the_captain - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55572

You deserved it

3477

Favorite

By ripo95 - France

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21722

You deserved it

46437

Favorite

By - 2/2/2020 18:00

Don't worry dad

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3012

You deserved it

448

Favorite

By Alfie4 - United Kingdom

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33140

You deserved it

10327

Favorite

By hozzyandie - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32581

You deserved it

3287

Favorite

By mrdave - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10861

You deserved it

46282

Favorite

By OL2R - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13043

You deserved it

39139

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10597

You deserved it

57340

Favorite

By SadFace - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31730

You deserved it

3923

Favorite

By ow my kidneys - Germany - Bad Oeynhausen

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30751

You deserved it

1904

Favorite

By lolo - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12081

You deserved it

50102

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1818

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By montextes - United States

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29206

You deserved it

3935

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34534

You deserved it

4452

Favorite

By Alexismaria - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39672

You deserved it

3255

Favorite

By crushed dreams - United States

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18460

You deserved it

243119

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38147

You deserved it

2441

Favorite

By Mitch - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29250

You deserved it

3421

Favorite

By down trodden - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44325

You deserved it

3290

Favorite

By Booooolette - France - Beauvais

Today, I managed to fracture my shoulder blade and dislocate my shoulder, just by falling off a deckchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11877

You deserved it

1262

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30521

You deserved it

2304

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 17:00

Marriage (Dress) Story

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2622

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By anon

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12068

You deserved it

2502

Favorite

By ev_lyn_aw

Today, I received a company-wide email from my boss, praising a coworker's extra effort at improving our line of business. The coworker's efforts were a direct copy-and-paste of a plan I put together three months ago. No one cared when I gave the presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6761

You deserved it

418

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 17:02

Late bloomer

Today, I’m at the age where I should be married or in a committed relationship and having kids. Instead, I’m STILL single. I haven’t had a first date or a first kiss. If any of that changes, luck and time aren’t going to be on my side because biologically I won’t be able to have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1400

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By Looking4ajob - United States - Jackson

Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10504

You deserved it

4168

Favorite

By hurt - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5200

You deserved it

387

Favorite

By FML! - Canada

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47319

You deserved it

6554

Favorite

By cleangirl - United Kingdom

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39410

You deserved it

4606

Favorite

By WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM - United States - Endicott

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33752

You deserved it

1913

Favorite

By unlucky - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41674

You deserved it

3377

Favorite

By tftm - United States - Elmhurst

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24250

You deserved it

2100

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33088

You deserved it

3275

Favorite

By dontplaywithmyfeelings - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29696

You deserved it

2719

Favorite

By andi0804 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52741

You deserved it

3554

Favorite

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Top comments

By JuliaKay14 | 31

#7519130 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:25

How is this an FML?

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7519143 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:32

Technically correct, the best kind of correct.

COMMENTS

By JuliaKay14 | 31

#7519130 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:25

How is this an FML?

Matt Kesler | 16

#7519308 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 23:17

took the words right out of my mouth

RichardPencil | 28

#7519346 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 23:58

It’s actually painful to have to listen to people being redundant and repetitive and redundant.

Lalala579121 | 27

#7519959 - Thursday 3 August 2017 11:11

You should have just stopped after the repetitive, Richard. That extra redundant is just trying too hard.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7519143 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:32

Technically correct, the best kind of correct.

By Georgian_fml | 15

#7519180 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 21:09

wow thats terrible, hope you are doing ok, hope you dont get PTSD

By RichardPencil | 28

#7519198 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 21:34

That’s redundant

By ViviMage | 38

#7519336 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 23:43

Is there a difference?

By Mile Prodanovski | 8

#7520081 - Thursday 3 August 2017 12:58

I always do it and so does my best friend we like to play battle shits

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7520428 - Thursday 3 August 2017 18:15

Probably her way of saying "leave me alone and I'll call back later".

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7520807 - Friday 4 August 2017 0:07

You are in a rest room! Wtf do you expect.?

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7522086 - Friday 4 August 2017 21:11

I feel sorrier for the person she's talking to. It's just rude to answer your phone when you're on the throne.

By GhostFox | 33

#7524520 - Sunday 6 August 2017 16:16

Some friendships have absolutely no boundaries. Hell, some people will be in the bathroom talking to their friend who's using the toilet. Even at home.