By everybodypoops

"Pooping and Shit"

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3783

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503

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Transportation

Late term

Gratitude walks

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By Enrique - United States

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33898

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4981

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By SantaClaus - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

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59479

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By Thanks Babe - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59983

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7544

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By Bambi113 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12867

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904

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By anon. - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31433

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By Anonymous - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15813

You deserved it

1082

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By gayvsgay - Germany - V?lklingen

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23734

You deserved it

1805

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By allergic - France

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

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38637

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3277

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By zep - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

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20284

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79269

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By sniper foxeh

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

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1786

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4331

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44453

You deserved it

8172

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By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4599

You deserved it

284

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By smoothies14 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28335

You deserved it

2414

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By Promo girl - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

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27254

You deserved it

2339

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41878

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2892

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 08:00

Close enough

Today, I finished writing a 60-page essay on the history and people of Australia. Turns out it's supposed to be on Austria. It's due this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1155

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1386

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By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35640

You deserved it

9665

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By 16seconds - United States

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7853

You deserved it

33097

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By Chad - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

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35775

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2020 05:00

Beautiful

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

440

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By stumpy

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1819

You deserved it

165

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By mydadforgetsme - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

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23593

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1447

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

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13603

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By Anonymous - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

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43887

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By Brock - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

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26420

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2020 10:57

Great first impression

Today, I finally spoke to a counsellor about my depression. As soon as the session started, I became so anxious that I could barely speak. Once the Zoom call was finished, I got the distinct impression that she thought I was mentally disabled. FML

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691

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By fuck YOLO - United States - Ramona

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

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47252

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3906

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By driver - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53349

You deserved it

2802

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

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36928

You deserved it

10013

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By single and hatless - United States - Wilmington

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23309

You deserved it

2229

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By twice-a-day - United States

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

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36902

You deserved it

4012

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

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43321

You deserved it

2863

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By failureparent - United States

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39767

You deserved it

54430

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

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31090

You deserved it

10790

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By Redhead

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4376

You deserved it

872

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Warrior

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30359

You deserved it

3269

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By Duplighost - United States

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

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24714

You deserved it

39953

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By Aled - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37749

You deserved it

3311

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By level6 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29299

You deserved it

3457

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By outofajob - United States - Farmington

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

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29468

You deserved it

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Top comments

By JuliaKay14 | 32

#7519130 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:25

How is this an FML?

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7519143 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:32

Technically correct, the best kind of correct.

COMMENTS

By JuliaKay14 | 32

#7519130 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:25

How is this an FML?

Matt Kesler | 16

#7519308 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 23:17

took the words right out of my mouth

RichardPencil | 30

#7519346 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 23:58

It’s actually painful to have to listen to people being redundant and repetitive and redundant.

Lalala579121 | 27

#7519959 - Thursday 3 August 2017 11:11

You should have just stopped after the repetitive, Richard. That extra redundant is just trying too hard.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7519143 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 20:32

Technically correct, the best kind of correct.

By Georgian_fml | 15

#7519180 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 21:09

wow thats terrible, hope you are doing ok, hope you dont get PTSD

By RichardPencil | 30

#7519198 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 21:34

That’s redundant

By ViviMage | 38

#7519336 - Wednesday 2 August 2017 23:43

Is there a difference?

By Mile Prodanovski | 8

#7520081 - Thursday 3 August 2017 12:58

I always do it and so does my best friend we like to play battle shits

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7520428 - Thursday 3 August 2017 18:15

Probably her way of saying "leave me alone and I'll call back later".

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7520807 - Friday 4 August 2017 0:07

You are in a rest room! Wtf do you expect.?

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7522086 - Friday 4 August 2017 21:11

I feel sorrier for the person she's talking to. It's just rude to answer your phone when you're on the throne.

By GhostFox | 33

#7524520 - Sunday 6 August 2017 16:16

Some friendships have absolutely no boundaries. Hell, some people will be in the bathroom talking to their friend who's using the toilet. Even at home.