Love: Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping...

By wow - 27/05/2013 16:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 116

You deserved it 3 793

Love

The smell detective is on the case

That took a dark turn…

That's a hard no, Patricia

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 731

You deserved it 34 949

By Anonynommer - 13/09/2013 23:13 - United States - Holyoke

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 282

You deserved it 3 348

Let me stay!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 23:00

Today, I quit my job, mainly because I didn't work enough hours and thus, earn enough money. In the past, they said there isn't any other paid work they could provide. They've now added different tasks, more money, and more hours to the position. I'm helping to find a replacement for a job I would otherwise apply to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 123

By Say Cheese - 22/08/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 285

You deserved it 3 670

By JimmyT - 03/03/2013 22:21 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 498

You deserved it 14 231

By Volunteer - 13/09/2013 22:24 - United States - Elwood

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 914

You deserved it 10 975

By noneoftheabove - 28/01/2009 05:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 461

You deserved it 2 992

Ouch

By beateneggs - 02/03/2010 19:57 - United States

Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 359

You deserved it 3 412

By Blah - 02/08/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 465

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 30/05/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 417

You deserved it 6 793

By misswhiskers - 28/02/2011 11:21 - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 999

You deserved it 3 337

By EpicFail - 11/01/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 804

You deserved it 2 345

By ealovan - 03/03/2014 05:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 872

You deserved it 9 657

He doesn't even go here!

By ladyofzanarkand - 25/05/2018 20:30

Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 021

You deserved it 227

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 925

You deserved it 5 076

By Anonymous - 16/06/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 592

You deserved it 11 441

By IvyBlackeyes - 29/08/2018 01:30

Today, I sprained my ankle at dance class. No, I was not dancing when I did it. I was trying to step off on a small mat so I could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 259

By utensils123 - 09/02/2010 06:40 - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 2 287

Bird song

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 20:00

Today, I figured I've been watching too many horror films, due to my parrot mimicking a women's blood-curdling screams that he heard in a movie. How do I know? He decided to reproduce the screams at 3 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 396

By ohokay - 24/01/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 674

You deserved it 5 258

By FFS - 06/05/2018 01:30

Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 338

By Badhusky - 29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 487

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 513

You deserved it 6 053

By Notthatone - 21/04/2015 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 364

You deserved it 4 000

It's a sign...

By Ohfknhell - 16/05/2018 05:00

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 570

You deserved it 740

By Anonymous - 01/11/2013 18:52 - United States - Manhattan

Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 005

You deserved it 49 463

By ThreeTimesUnlucky - 17/10/2012 18:52 - South Africa - Edenvale

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 009

You deserved it 2 178

By damnit - 11/09/2010 20:46 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 958

You deserved it 2 566

Facebook political debates

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 91

By AgentFreshers - 07/07/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 349

You deserved it 3 272

By Z - 06/11/2016 23:33 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, at work, I had to explain to a customer that she can't connect her tablet to her home WiFi while she's at work. I went to MIT for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 662

You deserved it 795

Hangry time

By ohforcheese - 19/01/2012 20:19 - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 557

You deserved it 8 515

By NoStarbucks4Me - 21/02/2017 02:00 - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 388

You deserved it 1 261

By Anonymous - 06/05/2018 07:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my twin sons have decided to forego the toilet, and instead poop in random places around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 406

By Fairymyass - 17/07/2011 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 856

You deserved it 4 486

By fukinnature - 01/11/2016 07:27

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 962

You deserved it 892

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 10:44 - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 998

You deserved it 4 064

By doctorsandnurses - 13/01/2012 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 651

You deserved it 4 560

His type

By hannieannie - 12/07/2020 02:02

Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 05:25 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 1 952

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Top comments

nbandofbrothers 10

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:17

Siri knows a lot of good places to hide a dead body.

Nutz101 7

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:20

Dont you mean your dead husband and dead best friend

nbandofbrothers 10

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:17

Siri knows a lot of good places to hide a dead body.

simoncat 11

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:40

How about TWO?

Jharrist89 12

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:19

Ha, best comment ^^

ilovedinosawers 17

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:54

I thought everyone in Canada was nice?

ThisIsHard 5

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 6:18

Nah, that's just a front. On a side note, have you never wondered what gave Canadian Bacon its Oomph?

drewflav 17

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 7:13

I wouldn't call it a front. We're genuinely nice people (most of us anyway) but we have limitations to our tolerance for bullshit. Yes, we do sometimes go ape-shit crazy. Having said that, our "crazy" is considered normal first response in some places south of the 49th parallel, at least according to what I've seen on FML.

worldclassrager 39

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 7:22

Even though each question is recorded...

dancinwookie 21

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 7:29

Siri is a smartass that can't be trusted these days. On an aside, remember when Google Maps used to tell you to swim across the Atlantic if you asked for directions to anywhere overseas? Cheeky, but maybe it was just trying to promote physical fitness? **Please, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm a pretty nonsensical person.

jojimugo 20

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 7:42

#44 not nice enough to share husbands

evilscorpi 29

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 10:59

I wouldn't even call her a best friend

AplJax3 2

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 14:17

No, no; Tumblr is better at body disposal.

timss4 19

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 21:34

I definitely just asked Siri to validate this

Life_sucks_13 6

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Wednesday 29 May 2013 16:47

What'd it say?

slacker4life8 7

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Thursday 30 May 2013 7:56

I loved when google maps said to jet ski

bamagrl410 31

Tuesday 18 June 2013 8:00

It once told me to canoe across the Pacific Ocean...

chowE_fml 4

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:18

YDI. I'm sure you found them having slutty sex in the coat room on your wedding day 12 years ago.

Nutz101 7

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:20

Dont you mean your dead husband and dead best friend

BriannaMGK 15

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:21

Agreed!

PrincessPesa 20

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 5:50

Cue theme music from Law and Order: SVU!

dakatabg 31

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 19:48

Boom, amen

onorexveritas 23

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:20

your fault? wow that's low. it'll be over as soon as the divorce goes through

VeganVampyre 26

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:11

Of course it's her fault, how dare she not only discover, but also interfere in their relationship. You just can't have a good affair these days without someone finding out and ruining it. It's terrible! On a serious note, I do feel bad for the OP, I know how it feels to have lying and cheating friends and I can only imagine how much worse this is.

onorexveritas 23

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:36

I think everyone can empathize with OP on some level. Sadly, honest to heart people are rare these days.

ColdplaySucks 18

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:21

Yeah OP! Why did you have to discover their relationship?!

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:34

Like, totally. I mean, it is like Schrödinger's cat. OP opened the box to find the cat dead and it is totally not the cat's fault for fuckin' humping OP's Husband... I mean poisoning itself or something.

chowE_fml 4

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:21

YDI. I'm sure you found them having slutty sex in the coat room on your wedding day 12 years ago

tygerarmy 35

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:21

With friends like these..

MidnaLink 33

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 6:12

…where are the real enemies?

botanistjessica 24

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 7:49

...who needs anemones!

WhisperSoflty 20

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:24

And several hours later, you explain to the police how you completely blacked out and can't remember a thing. You saw them, and the next thing you know you've got blood on your hands, standing over their dead bodies. Don't forget to hire Billy Flinn. He's the best damn lawyer in town.