Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

Make your minds up

Today, I got fired. Yesterday was my birthday and I was told I was getting a promotion. FML

Nice meeting you

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words, "You're fired." FML

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML

Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML

Scapegoat

Today, I was told I was being fired from my job after "5 months for poor performance." I helped lead my team to the highest possible success they’ve had the last 4 years. FML

You're fired!

Today, my employer fired me, less than a week before I could become permanent full-time staff. FML

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML