Love: Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text,...

By girlwithaprob - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML

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Love

Walk the line

Kids

Moving on

By Anonymous - France - Saint-brieuc

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser, "A little off the sides," they hear, "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

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By yobruh

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

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By Mark - United States

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

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By Ido - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend from the top of a bungee jumping platform at an amusement park. I yelled out, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" from the platform, pointing her out. Turns out, I was pointing at the wrong girl. My girlfriend was very angry and ran away when the wrong girl yelled, "Yes!" FML

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By Ohfman117 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

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By lily - United States

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rahway

Confused

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

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By TheOtherWoman - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

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By anon - Australia - Sydney

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

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By SymmetricalPizzaFace - United States - Westminster

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

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35643

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By siighh - Australia

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

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39589

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By still hungry - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

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By Squeak - United States - Bremerton

It means us! Look at us!

Today, at work I put myself squarely in the lame / old people category when I foolishly asked out loud what FML meant. FML

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By why?? - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

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By Mmm - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

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By Ari - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

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By Etyl - Indonesia

Today, I struggled through a one hour traffic jam to get to the airport to pick up my dad who was just coming back from an overseas trip. I got there only to find that he had given me the wrong date, and I had to drive home. Best part? I have to do it all over again tomorrow. FML

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By PlayboyBunny - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

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33498

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By numbnuts - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

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39426

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By Ashleighx94 - United Kingdom

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

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By heterolifepartner - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By Anonymous

It found you

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

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52253

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By joe - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

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11419

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By fmltom - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

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By Mikabe - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

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35304

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By Wellpoo

Today, I started 2018 with a bad case of food poisoning. Not exactly the new year cleanse I was hoping for. FML

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By Can2 - United States - Houston

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

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26114

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By roselysunset - United States - Cypress

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

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By bsulyingb - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

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45495

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By sexaddict - France

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

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13954

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 08:01

Pokéman gone

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

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706

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2021 21:30

Weird kid

Today, and for the last 4 days, my 19-year-old son has been wearing a metal full face skull helmet and a black robe, and has renamed himself Beast. He also bought a sword from god knows where and refuses to leave the house, because the outside scares him. I may need an exorcist. FML

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1130

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 06:00

Public freakout

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

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By bookworm94 - United States

Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#1696725 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:22

I love watching peoples' lives fall apart via Facebook :)

By felton | 0

#1696645 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:06

What a dumbass! Lol .

COMMENTS

By kk15375 | 0

#1696639 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:05

that sucks :/

By felton | 0

#1696645 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:06

What a dumbass! Lol .

ledzeppelinIV | 0

#1697661 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:29

I agree what a dumbass

miraggg | 1

#1697902 - Sunday 14 November 2010 5:41

i agree.. like seriously who doesnt know that wall posts are public. what an Asshole!

gladstone123 | 5

#1701549 - Sunday 14 November 2010 19:07

I agree! Dump that idiot!

By kristineszLIFE | 0

#1696647 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:06

Idiot

By Hgielad_720 | 0

#1696650 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:06

Why are you whining on FML? Dump that stupid bitch!

Hgielad_720 | 0

#1696694 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:10

Well fuck me sideways and call me Alan (FML Staff), I'm a stupid, stupid little girl.

Hgielad_720 | 0

#1696763 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:38

Wow. I didn't realize that's why it got modded.

Hgielad_720 | 0

#1696767 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:40

Also, don't act like I actually read the rules. Who would be stupid enough to waste their time doing that?

cooluc | 0

#1697102 - Sunday 14 November 2010 1:47

<3 Sirin

InDenial | 6

#1699931 - Sunday 14 November 2010 12:04

Sirin is awesome! :p

bamagrl410 | 31

#1704088 - Monday 15 November 2010 9:17

Ahahaha Sirin ftw again.

By LeChuck | 0

#1696653 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:06

Ha!

He sucks at cheating.

By macskapingvin | 0

#1696659 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:07

Maybe he just has trouble remembering your name.

By tex_mex13 | 0

#1696686 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:09

you should dump him just for being stupid , oh yeah and cheating on you

By ladies_man217 | 0

#1696688 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:09

who the hell cares it's not like he cheated on you

By janelly16 | 7

#1696691 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:10

haha he pulled a fail

jackirose | 0

#1696749 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:28

ha. your name is Janel
kinda rhymes with anal
your picture makes it look even more true...

butthole_cheeze | 0

#1696900 - Sunday 14 November 2010 1:18

hahahah 19, that was the funniest sh i have read on fml.

AmberrJade | 0

#1697628 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:12

19; that was hilare :')

wilsonchewy | 0

#1700464 - Sunday 14 November 2010 15:14

janelly16 you are very hot

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1696702 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:12

He got nailed by the "dumbass" detector.