Keep it in the family

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

Domestic

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML