Geek: Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS...

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 03:28 - United States - Salem

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 121

You deserved it 2 863

Geek

Vulture

My booze

So compassionate

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 410

You deserved it 15 509

By Bilze - 17/05/2012 18:57 - United States - Burke

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 615

You deserved it 40 662

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 14:10 - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 455

You deserved it 888

By skywayavenue - 19/03/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 179

You deserved it 99 463

By Misspoopypants - 25/07/2017 05:00

Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 190

You deserved it 347

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 02:00

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 2 201

By AllieG33 - 05/09/2014 02:59 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 609

You deserved it 3 695

By WOWBear - 05/06/2013 09:46 - United States - Mesa

Today, a deaf customer came to my work. In an attempt to connect with him I introduced myself in sign language. He just rolled his eyes and pointed at my name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 160

You deserved it 13 177

By Holly - 05/02/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 759

You deserved it 35 202

By smellyhouse - 27/11/2011 10:19 - Canada

Today, my brother decided deodorant causes cancer. He goes to the gym every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 891

You deserved it 2 499

By woahheylex - 25/06/2011 14:21 - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 610

You deserved it 5 332

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 5 036

By tj - 26/08/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 528

You deserved it 9 048

By tenniemo - 12/01/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 576

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 624

You deserved it 4 922

By ChildhoodTerror - 26/12/2016 06:40

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 528

You deserved it 1 505

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 344

You deserved it 4 605

Caught in 480p

By fxck - 04/02/2015 19:28

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumbs-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 406

You deserved it 3 544

Dude…

By Nothanksimdone - 09/07/2021 15:59

Today, I received a new like on a dating site… from my extremely creepy second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 72

By whyme - 13/07/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 598

You deserved it 41 750

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 569

You deserved it 37 815

By Fack. - 19/02/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 918

You deserved it 8 625

By CBBP - 31/03/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 712

You deserved it 8 734

By Alex - 15/07/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 151

You deserved it 58 933

By ValeyFallsAlot - 14/01/2011 14:18

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 830

You deserved it 2 982

Class act

By Anonymous - 23/03/2020 17:23

Today, after 5 years, an engagement, and me being 5 months pregnant, my boyfriend downloaded Tinder again. 2020 is really great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 257

Road trip

By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8-hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 406

You deserved it 4 067

By kat - 25/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 2 757

By TrashGirl - 24/06/2018 01:30

Today, for our 8th wedding anniversary I gave my husband several well-thought-out gifts. He gave me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 889

You deserved it 368

Thanks, Stephen King

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 00:02 - United States - Buford

Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 7 995

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 10:00 - United States - Medina

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 200

You deserved it 336

By ForeverAlone - 06/03/2013 22:28 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 855

You deserved it 2 790

By Anonymous - 13/03/2015 15:02 - United States

Today, after several months of eating right, exercising, and weight loss, my mother has yet again arrived at my house, unannounced and with a very sugary cake. She's been doing this most weeks since I lost 50 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 617

You deserved it 2 818

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 978

You deserved it 7 055

Dreamweaver

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 08:01

Today, I woke up with a scream of pain to find the reason I've had so many realistic dreams lately: my boyfriend has been messing with me in my sleep because he thinks my reactions are funny. For instance, when he pinched me today, I experienced a very realistic wasp sting in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 93

By dazzla08 - 26/03/2011 00:07

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 498

You deserved it 3 321

By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 03:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 050

You deserved it 447

Drunk

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 17:59

Today, I awoke in my bathtub, water all over the floor, all the way into my living room. I drank too much so I don't remember getting into the bath, I have no clue how long I was in there, and I got a message from the manager of my apartment complex telling me the water had leaked into the apartment below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 393

By fatpooch - 13/05/2010 06:01 - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 657

You deserved it 4 816

By qld - 20/12/2016 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 198

You deserved it 3 532

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Top comments

lukeluke2112 14

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:50

At least it wasn't a green shell

yoursucklives 36

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:50

sounds like he has some anger issues. aaaaand i can imagine that a nintendo ds can leave a nice mark on your face. hope it's only a minor injury!

yoursucklives 36

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:50

sounds like he has some anger issues. aaaaand i can imagine that a nintendo ds can leave a nice mark on your face. hope it's only a minor injury!

polarbearpiss 15

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:59

stfu

s3kShUn47 20

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Sunday 26 October 2014 15:22

The things MarioKart can do to screw your happiness. Trust me, friendships have been ruined all over due to MarioKart....and Monopoly

yoursucklives 36

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Sunday 26 October 2014 15:31

yeah i've played plenty of mario kart, but i never got so angry about it, that i threw (expensive) things around, and i don't think anyone should!

NeatNit 32

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Sunday 26 October 2014 16:13

What? I play monopoly with my friends all the time! Well, used to, before we all... oh.

devildog562 33

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Sunday 26 October 2014 16:39

24: point and case I "never threw anything expensive", implying that you threw inexpensive things. Mariokart is a destructive, dangerous game.

Nathan_h24 17

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Sunday 26 October 2014 17:08

Uno can be pretty rough too

Ltsdragons 19

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Sunday 26 October 2014 17:17

Don't even get me started on Pokemon... When you just CAN'T beat a Gym leader, or a trainer, or the Elite Four. OR when you're trying to catch a wild pokemon but you keep killing it or it keeps getting away

Onyxdragon 9

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Sunday 26 October 2014 18:15

two words, Whitney's milktank

DogeMan 14

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Sunday 26 October 2014 19:35

I think ur bro needs a break from mario and go play outside

bighood24 17

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Sunday 26 October 2014 21:28

41- aka Satan spawn

angelofsaturn 23

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Monday 27 October 2014 0:50

Mario Party ruins lives.

tantanpanda 26

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Monday 27 October 2014 1:00

you're a noob. who has trouble beating a gym leader? Just train some. now breeding, on the other hand, is frustrating.

Ltsdragons 19

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Monday 27 October 2014 2:12

Training is frustrating sometimes

badluckalex 23

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Monday 27 October 2014 4:59

what?! Mario party is the greatest game ever

nicr_freeman 7

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Monday 27 October 2014 19:49

and super smash bros

karimm_fml 6

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:50

Wait what?

MzZombicidal 36

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Sunday 26 October 2014 16:30

Brother played DS. Brother got mad at DS. Brother threw DS. DS hit OP. OP got KO'd. The end.

Khaleesi_26 30

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Sunday 26 October 2014 17:18

Sounds like OP's brother was really playing a game of Mortal Kombat.... And OP lost.

sayyestothedress 24

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Sunday 26 October 2014 17:31

Well said #29

bighood24 17

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Sunday 26 October 2014 21:30

38- FINISH HIM! FATALITY!

AriettaX 15

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Monday 27 October 2014 5:34

ugh!! I cant stand those blue shells! Right at the finish line too!

lukeluke2112 14

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:50

At least it wasn't a green shell

teentee401 36

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Sunday 26 October 2014 15:03

Or worse...a blue one.

zAstonish 20

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Sunday 26 October 2014 15:04

Even better it's not a blue shell

Soviet_American 29

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Sunday 26 October 2014 16:57

Wheres the star when you need it most.?

Sagedrop 10

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Monday 27 October 2014 15:35

The great Black Star is HERE!

painlessmind 11

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Thursday 30 October 2014 21:53

A green one would have missed op.

Rainhawk94 27

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:51

I'd say keep the DS from him and put him in a time out

PrincessesCrown 17

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Sunday 26 October 2014 17:14

My bet is that the DS is no longer in prime playing condition (unless of course it was one of the older models, those were tanks.) It very well might be useless to OP. However, I would pocket that Mario Kart game, even the old version is worth 40$ (and there's nothing like Rainbow Road when you're in long car rides)

Lily_Rain77 25

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Sunday 26 October 2014 19:50

I kept everything my brother ever threw at me, for years I just had a stock pile of his crap in my room.

joe3_fml 15

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:53

Amazing way to go out.

s3kShUn47 20

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Sunday 26 October 2014 15:23

Also a great story to tell others. Or your children, should you have gotten a cut/scar from it

MondRubberduck 24

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Sunday 26 October 2014 14:55

He crossed the finishline at the moment the DS hit your head? Thats timing. Try to achieve this when you actually WANT to.

Khaleesi_26 30

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Sunday 26 October 2014 15:15

No i think OP's brother lost so he threw the ds in anger and it hit OP. Someone else probably crossed the finish line. Because I don't think you throw ds's when you're winning :P.