Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends... - FML

By rainydays79 - 23/01/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 420

You deserved it 59 900

Walk on the wild side

Stop talking!

Thanks, Marley

What the hell did you do?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 07:01 - United States - Steele

Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 121

By katiebabby - 17/06/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 598

You deserved it 4 880

Language barrier

By Jan - 02/08/2021 13:01

Today, my mother who learned English as an adult sent an email to my boss, thanking them for hiring me even though I'm "retarded." I’m a law school graduate who was diagnosed with a minor learning disability in kindergarten, but she still calls me "retarded" when speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 18/03/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 2 423

By catt - 17/10/2014 20:12 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 477

You deserved it 4 042

By NotJoeyEssex - 26/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 1 079

Cheesy.

By freshflowerz - 16/03/2018 00:00 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 277

You deserved it 437

Things that go WTF? in the night

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 10:01

Today, as I was sleeping, I found a snail in my bed, yet I was dreaming so I thought it was a dream, but it felt real. I jumped out of the bed and I couldn't believe it. I wonder how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 69

No-life

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 20:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to spend alone time playing FIFA instead of having a relationship. If I ever find the CEO of EA Sports, I’m throwing hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 231

By NathanPlays - 23/04/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 033

You deserved it 20 193

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 06:06 - Canada - Guelph

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 362

You deserved it 2 775

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 613

You deserved it 743

By its ok to cheat!? - 20/02/2013 21:52 - United States - Brisbane

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 15 687

By LevKin - 30/07/2009 07:20 - Canada

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He strongly believes in "first impressions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 268

You deserved it 6 716

By SteamLass765 - 13/08/2015 09:58

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 709

You deserved it 1 755

By ThatsNotGrass - 10/08/2014 01:30 - Canada

Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 217

You deserved it 22 408

By ninjapup - 02/01/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 23:25 - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 023

You deserved it 4 819

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 368

Where is my mind?

By brainfart - 19/09/2020 10:01

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 76

By Someone - 16/04/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 976

You deserved it 5 793

By anonymous - 01/03/2013 15:52 - United States - La Grande

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 131

You deserved it 2 765

By cjgreer70 - 18/01/2014 23:09 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 294

You deserved it 4 631

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 16:02 - United States - La Grande

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 073

You deserved it 11 240

By Anna - 02/07/2016 21:08 - United States - Lake City

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 250

You deserved it 1 826

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 06:19 - Australia

Today, after failing my Ls twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mums car into an old ladys fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 570

You deserved it 37 768

Great prank bro

By notlilien - 14/11/2018 15:30

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 267

By Xpload - 29/01/2014 18:26 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 389

You deserved it 4 207

By wow - 05/05/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 380

You deserved it 3 441

Thanks dad

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 02:01

Today, I found out why the only business in town that operates in my chosen industry won’t hire me. Several months ago, my father antagonised the owner, bringing up my name in the process. I haven’t spoken to the man in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 43

By alucas3 - 29/05/2016 20:14 - United States

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 312

You deserved it 1 083

By beanpole - 19/12/2016 19:34 - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 070

You deserved it 1 130

By madib33 - 11/01/2014 05:49 - United States

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 405

You deserved it 9 954

By Missy - 19/10/2011 22:29 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 3 378

By some things never change - 28/11/2012 23:04 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 424

You deserved it 1 963

By Tragic - 27/04/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 168

You deserved it 6 812

I want to ride my bicycle

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 14:02

Today, I decided to ride my bike for the first time in over a year. It was seemingly going well, until I got to the first hill. As I began to ascend, I was trying a bit to hard and shit my pants, 8 kilometers away from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 245

By higagram - 10/09/2010 03:15 - United States

Today, I bumped into a lady in the New Jersey airport. After I politely apologized she said, "Watch your step, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 761

You deserved it 5 339

By Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 094

You deserved it 2 566

By Anonymous - 09/03/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 255

You deserved it 4 578

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Top comments

Seventytimeseven 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:09

Among your group of friends? You really think your soloness is exclusive to that group? I think you're probably just straight up alone there

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:09

Do you cry after flushing away your friends?

Comments

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:06

first!

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Friday 28 May 2010 2:22

wtf is wrong with you?? I don't think you deserve friends

NickPortrayed 0

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Friday 28 May 2010 17:08

these "im a loser, pity me" FMLs are driving me fucking crazy

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Friday 11 June 2010 3:51

he's names the cleveland

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Thursday 29 July 2010 7:12

correction- you are the only person in the WORLD who names their bowel movements

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Saturday 21 August 2010 11:01

#149 Your comment made me laugh. and seriously? Why would you think it wired that they don't? YOU'RE THE FREAK IN THIS SITUATION. I hope your friends never find out.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 6:36

i think u may be the only one in the world that does that o.O

EvilCupcake8361 9

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Tuesday 16 August 2011 2:19

150= common sense

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Friday 19 August 2011 21:27

Your roommate put up an FML for this, OP.

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Tuesday 1 November 2011 13:58

Takin a develyn

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Sunday 6 November 2011 20:05

187, I love that movie!

CrazyV 22

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Monday 28 November 2011 22:15

Completely agree with you. wtf. thats so disgusting

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Tuesday 4 December 2012 17:49

You're probably the only person in Pennsylvania who names your bowel movements.

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Friday 18 January 2013 7:31

Are you Sheldon Cooper?

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:07

well... everyone has quirks. I have never heard of this one, but everyone has a strange habit or two. Don't feel bad. :)

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:09

a strange habit? it's plain gross to name your dumps.

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Sunday 24 January 2010 0:00

My next one is gonna be "rainydays79"....

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:37

what happens if you have diarrhea?

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:55

I agree with #5 why did you even bring this up? perhaps you should have just posted "I'm retarded FML"

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Sunday 24 January 2010 15:50

hahaha! girlygirl666 wins

anonymsspermdonr 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 7:51

i just got done dropping midas 22 in the big porcelain bowl and in five minutes will be pushing out a load that i am probably gonna name the punisher because i ate peanuts earlier.

anonymsspermdonr 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 7:59

actually nvm, i had to name it "the slippery satan" because instead of being solid it was liquid fire

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 9:00

that is soo nasty but the names, they are fucking hilarious!

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Friday 16 April 2010 17:00

ummm wow

krispybacon4321 23

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Tuesday 3 February 2015 0:51

@57, it shall be named squirt.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:07

probably because that's disgusting.

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Sunday 17 April 2011 19:17

exactly

KatherineAnne 7

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Tuesday 24 April 2012 1:21

Ya think? O_o

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:08

Then I'm obviously not your friend.

Seventytimeseven 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:09

Among your group of friends? You really think your soloness is exclusive to that group? I think you're probably just straight up alone there

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:09

Do you cry after flushing away your friends?

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Sunday 24 January 2010 0:15

Lmfao.

F_ur_life_douche 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 1:45

holy shit! he flushed Johnny! o god and Billy too!

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Sunday 24 January 2010 8:04

lmao... Im literally laughing right now... haha

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Monday 25 January 2010 1:53

Lol! Win.

ArielTheMermaid 17

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 5:17

lol 58

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Thursday 23 February 2012 0:44

Oh my god, you flushed Kenny

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Thursday 28 June 2012 19:43

Lol soo funny

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:13

your group is the whole world population on this one.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:16

looooooool #6 !!!!!!

lostfaithinpppl 19

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:18

OP, get help!

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:21

thats disgusting! who does that?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 30

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 146