Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, I realized how toxic and controlling my wife is. She left to go on a vacation, and I'm so used to her micromanaging everything I do that I'm completely unable to function. I tried to play a video game and had a panic attack because I imagined her walking in and screaming at me. FML
Today, my wife is mad at me because she’s had to stop seeing her closest friend because of me. Why? Because her friend is stalking me, keeps asking me to divorce my wife, and has even broken in and stolen my stuff, forcing me to involve the police several times, and somehow this is all my fault. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
A relationship is built on trust. You definitely need to address this issue with her.
beezerbnt00 4
Bitches be crazy
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Comments (192)
DoxIxHAVExTo 10
You know, I think if you do get in a fight, you shouldn't hold back because she threatens to hurt you. I mean, don't go and freaking beat her but if you're frustrated don't drop the argument if you're genuinely upset and try to talk it out like a rational human. Also, try to explain to her that, by her constantly doing that, SHE'S the one threatening to beat YOU up. If I had a husband and he said "If you get near me or touch me ONCE, I'm going to beat your ass!" Or something like "Don't make me use my martial arts on you!" whenever we had a fight I'd be encouraged to call the police because he's now a potential woman-beater. But when ANY woman does it (constantly), it's just because she's paranoid and only threatens for her own safety, which I believe is BS because not all woman are like that. Men-beater DO exist, and your wife is sounding like one. A threat is a threat, no matter if it's because you're controlling or scared. Actually most if not ALL threats and abusive partners are fueled by fear, so you're wife's no different. And if your wife ever does hit you without you actually even touching her then YOU have complete permission to call the police. Sadly if she says, "It was self-defense!" then they'll probably be harder on you then on her, not going to lie. But hopefully when she sees that the tables have been turned she'll finally realize that she was being the abusive one in the relationship all along and you two can work out any insecurities together. Just a thought.
Sicilysstallion 2
A marriage shouldn't be like that I don't think a healthy relationship involves threats and police
ajeppsen 25
Why would she listen to Dr.Phil? Does he even have his PhD? I'd probably believe a counselor over a guy on TV.
Sicilysstallion 2
She sounds like a flake lol
zackboi 1
Leave the crazy dumb c@nt
caleismyth 5
hug her and use your full strength and hold her if she trys she cant move she cant hurt you.
Jasonf6 0
Too bad what she is threatening can land her in jail. She's an idiot
Dracoboxer357 36
164- I used to be a boxer, and let me tell you, I've seen better punches thrown from the women than I have the men. Coordination isn't a problem for them, nor is power, pound for pound, once they learn how to use it. My point? Don't underestimate girls for being girls. That will get you your ass beat. ;)
kitkattgirl 2
That's no way to live. I hate woman who scream abuse when their husbands only get somewhat frustrated with them, when they've actually done nothing wrong. She needs help...serious help. It sounds like you should be the cautious one. If she does retaliate when you haven't touched her, throw her in jail. You have a right to be angry with your wife. Everyone has a right to be angry.
KatlynBrooke 27
I think your wife is a hypochondriac.
EvilDave 13
OP, divorce her her now and save yourself trouble