Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, I realized how toxic and controlling my wife is. She left to go on a vacation, and I'm so used to her micromanaging everything I do that I'm completely unable to function. I tried to play a video game and had a panic attack because I imagined her walking in and screaming at me. FML
Today, my wife is mad at me because she’s had to stop seeing her closest friend because of me. Why? Because her friend is stalking me, keeps asking me to divorce my wife, and has even broken in and stolen my stuff, forcing me to involve the police several times, and somehow this is all my fault. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
A relationship is built on trust. You definitely need to address this issue with her.
beezerbnt00 4
Bitches be crazy
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Comments (192)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Take some martial arts classes, too. Then challenge her the next time she decides to threaten you. Don't hurt her, just, you know, counter her every move and maybe rough her up a little bit.
cat0720 9
That's a terrible idea. If anything it would make her want to use violence even more.
brianjman14 23
Is she seriously that retarded? She threatens you if you get slightly frustrated? If she attacks you first, SHE'LL be the abuser, not the other way around.
AznSamoan52 10
Your wife seems to be a little too paranoid. I suggest that you try to get her to trust you. If that doesn't work, then take some martial arts classes of your own. And sleep with one eye open, just in case.
fernclogger 5
So every time you sigh you get neck chopped?
kimg0885 23
Why out of all the crap advice Dr. Phil gives, she chooses to take this one?
sheethapins 13
Maybe you two should address this with an outside source? I know this guy, works miracles, his name is Dr. Phi...
zandalee 20
Dr Phil is a useless twat
vbmg152 19
Those shows are nothing but trouble! I leaned that when I was newly married, being brainwashed by Oprah! I quit watching to save my marriage! Still married 23 yrs later!
redmnky21 8
you should take her to see doctor Phil only he can put her in her place now
RyaWolf 0
Dr. Phil is a scary story himself!
lostinlabels 8
Women should never ever beat their man.
EternalHatred 3
Or they other way around, haha! :3
Zomg_Okay 27
Instead of bringing genders into this, how about: "Nobody should ever beat anybody."