Intimacy: Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober...

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 087

You deserved it 21 605

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 1 761

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 613

You deserved it 4 812

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 942

You deserved it 6 300

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 790

I was the bullet in the relationship

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 10:00

Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 348

By cdestarac - 10/01/2012 06:07 - United States

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 155

You deserved it 37 752

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 343

You deserved it 4 608

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 498

You deserved it 6 363

Spontaneous

By FullCircleProblem - 27/01/2016 06:04 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it, and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 739

You deserved it 2 402

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 035

You deserved it 4 182

Idonebeenhad 17

Thursday 1 March 2012 16:02

Had sex, doesn't matter

guitarbeast 22

Thursday 1 March 2012 16:03

Doesn't matter, had sex

Comments

chuckcloninger 12

Friday 2 March 2012 13:44

That wasn't sex (which involves some emotion and recognition that somethings happening). It was only mutual ************.

sschevymanss 0

Friday 2 March 2012 19:07

you must be in college???

C94_ 0

Saturday 3 March 2012 2:56

applause

TheOtherNewest1 6

Saturday 3 March 2012 6:16

Good job being a rapist.

rayofsunahine25 4

Sunday 4 March 2012 7:57

I'm usually the drunk one.

juicifer 0

Sunday 4 March 2012 23:00

AWWWW..shuttup up its still sex...

victoria216 3

Sunday 4 March 2012 23:18

Then ******* **** a sober man

om102907 4

Monday 5 March 2012 19:49

There is only one way to go from here. UP. Please dont go to AA or NA for a relationship.

daisysanchez24 7

Wednesday 7 March 2012 2:29

well that's what happens when ur a ****.

gothfreak 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 6:56

Ouch bad on you lmfao

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 208

You deserved it 3 633

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 11 188

The Top

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 7 685

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 712

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I was so sleep deprived that when a customer held their hand out to get their receipt, I slapped it without thinking about it. Great way to start 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 308

Today, some dumbass ripped my facemask off, spit in my face, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 188

Today, I got my hair cut short, as it hasn’t been cut in well over a year and I was getting sick of dealing with it. I told the hairdresser I would probably look like a boy but she said it would look cute, and that she’d make sure it looks feminine. I loved how it came out, until the kid at CVS asked, “Can I help you sir?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 296

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 534

You deserved it 1 949

Same thing different taste

Rollercoaster ride

I was the bullet in the relationship

Spontaneous

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