Intimacy: Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober...

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 087

You deserved it 21 605

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 1 761

By tequilashot - 20/09/2016 04:40 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 613

You deserved it 4 812

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 942

You deserved it 6 300

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 790

I was the bullet in the relationship

By Anonymous - 10/01/2023 10:00

Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 348

By cdestarac - 10/01/2012 06:07 - United States

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 155

You deserved it 37 752

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 343

You deserved it 4 608

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 498

You deserved it 6 363

Spontaneous

By FullCircleProblem - 27/01/2016 06:04 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it, and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 739

You deserved it 2 402

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 035

You deserved it 4 182

Idonebeenhad 17

Thursday 1 March 2012 16:02

Had sex, doesn't matter

guitarbeast 22

Thursday 1 March 2012 16:03

Doesn't matter, had sex

Comments

btwmellarkc 11

Friday 3 August 2012 2:16

This kind of makes you a rapist OP.

keven501 12

Monday 27 August 2012 6:59

One night stands all the time!

savannahrose713 0

Sunday 2 September 2012 9:15

That makes you a rapist

ohshitson76 7

Sunday 3 February 2013 2:22

**** much?...

allijadexo 15

Wednesday 15 July 2015 15:24

Hope you all realise this is rape. OP, having sex with someone who is drunk is considered rape. They cannot give consent.

rameses1210 18

Saturday 11 June 2016 4:41

That's statutory rape

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 241

You deserved it 37 869

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 131

You deserved it 5 932

The Top

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 670

You deserved it 5 535

Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 102

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 121

You deserved it 6 710

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 954

You deserved it 41 443

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 609

You deserved it 5 708

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 060

You deserved it 15 359

Same thing different taste

Rollercoaster ride

I was the bullet in the relationship

Spontaneous

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