By Jonoq - Canada

Stress factor 11

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1374

You deserved it

105

Favorite

Messed up

Rock, hard place

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By Numou - France

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28846

You deserved it

4210

Favorite

By desocrates - United States

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70455

You deserved it

4043

Favorite

By tammy - France

Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33637

You deserved it

4267

Favorite

By Laura - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48528

You deserved it

6188

Favorite

By sucks at sucking - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39682

You deserved it

9167

Favorite

By fiercehawk - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60046

You deserved it

5307

Favorite

By Whatthe

Today, I walked into a bathroom to find a dad telling his kids not play with the pee in the urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4020

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By shit... - United States

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45844

You deserved it

23737

Favorite

By McSlave - Australia - Cammeray

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32840

You deserved it

2392

Favorite

By mylove - United States

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66883

You deserved it

12731

Favorite

By Angie - France

Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40199

You deserved it

6853

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29995

You deserved it

5393

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30879

You deserved it

3840

Favorite

By fuck - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30432

You deserved it

59568

Favorite

By mook05 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35260

You deserved it

3161

Favorite

By makiju - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28412

You deserved it

1955

Favorite

By bastards - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57893

You deserved it

4193

Favorite

By drunk under 18 teenager - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27046

You deserved it

50075

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got better phone reception crossing an inlet on a ferry than I normally do at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3524

You deserved it

331

Favorite

By whyymee - United States

Today, I helped a "blind" man across the street. He kindly said thank you and patted me on the back. Then, I went into a store and realized my wallet was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29815

You deserved it

3322

Favorite

By wideawakeandinpain - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31937

You deserved it

3104

Favorite

By PissingMeOff - 16/10/2020 13:55 - United Kingdom - Durham

Firehose

Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1321

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By alltern8ive - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30209

You deserved it

5089

Favorite

By astraboy - Australia

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50067

You deserved it

8494

Favorite

By Barking Mad - Australia - Revesby

Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60775

You deserved it

7693

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31129

You deserved it

2234

Favorite

By bdiddy - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39653

You deserved it

11318

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40423

You deserved it

6892

Favorite

By Anonymous - Madagascar

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18593

You deserved it

1432

Favorite

By puppydrama - United States

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40876

You deserved it

2912

Favorite

By apparentlyunattractive - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60868

You deserved it

7418

Favorite

By GeriGeriBoBeri - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. A man stopped to help me with a wire hanger. After about 20 min in the freezing weather, he was getting close to unlocking it when I looked over at the passenger door to see that it was unlocked. All the doors were unlocked but the driver's side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10158

You deserved it

39241

Favorite

By Doglover

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3801

You deserved it

921

Favorite

By JimmyT - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42454

You deserved it

14217

Favorite

By Alex - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27703

You deserved it

88831

Favorite

By whygod

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18184

You deserved it

1379

Favorite

By bpruitt95 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29384

You deserved it

3393

Favorite

By Rajin - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

125594

You deserved it

16825

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3360

You deserved it

255

Favorite

By toobroketoprotest

Today, I found out that the higher-ups aren’t letting us use the break room anymore, so guess it’s back to eating lunch in my car while it’s 100°F outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1668

You deserved it

106

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7848559 - Friday 4 October 2019 16:42

They never put any crap like this in a job description. If they did, no one would work.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7848571 - Friday 4 October 2019 18:41

Yea it is ie, those unspecified tasks are covered in said job description and/or contract as the last line @ bottom of the page: "Other duties as assigned...." Been there, done that! :-(

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7848559 - Friday 4 October 2019 16:42

They never put any crap like this in a job description. If they did, no one would work.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7848571 - Friday 4 October 2019 18:41

Yea it is ie, those unspecified tasks are covered in said job description and/or contract as the last line @ bottom of the page: "Other duties as assigned...." Been there, done that! :-(

By Chen Zhibang | 8

#7848669 - Saturday 5 October 2019 6:48

I hope the vomit and the crap are not in the pool...

By swmr4life | 9

#7848672 - Saturday 5 October 2019 7:05

Oh Honey, Lifeguards are Babysitters, Janitors, Maintenance, Cops And Psychologists. You do not even know. *Based on personal experience*

By delilah Johnson | 4

#7848678 - Saturday 5 October 2019 7:40

I don't know what to say about that but umm I'd say that it takes time

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7848769 - Saturday 5 October 2019 16:07

Oh you must be new to the job field. "Not in my job description"... LOL...