Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML
Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML
Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Idiotskillme 20
It's easy, just cure yourself and then take the medicine!
jakers8424 18
Well that's a problem
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (64)
lfloyd0504 18
I would give you advice but let's just says its.... Not coming out ?
tiger820 20
I see what you did there.
Colon_Man 17
All right. Here's your thumb up.
heartofhannah 28
We all do.
Violenna 14
That's defecate-ly going to be an issue...
91hayek 31
Well when you think about it, those are the best results. Ideally you want to be pooping on your own without the medicine. Not very helpful, but they felt like they had to point it out.
Tripartita 45
Was your medication prescribed by a Dr. Benjamin Button?
limegreenpoopie 31
Get well soon
chaseafterwind82 29
'Prescribed by Dr Nick Riviera.'
Colon_Man 17
"HI, EVERYBODY!"
Sparklypink714 9
well that defeates the purpose of the medicine.
MassiDelta 28
I think your medication has created a paradox
remembertoday 5
This instruction is accurate. Stool softening constipation medicine is not going to help with an existing blockage. They are meant to help keep your future stools soft. You can thank my chronically constipated child for that info.
Brandi_Faith 34
Op never said it was a stool softener. It could be a motility drug or any other number of medications. Plus, no one said op actually had a blockage either. Constipation and a blockage are two different things.
KayDee29 31
#38, if the prescription bottle that OP got from a pharmacist prescribed by a doctor states something, it's most likely there for a reason. That and its very likely it is a stool softener if it's prescription strength and possibly meant to be taken for an extended period of time. But that's just what I got from it and I used to handle and distribute all different kinds of medicine, especially stool softeners, to residents in an assisted living home on a daily basis. Yes, doctors and pharmacists can screw up because they are only human, but they do have systems in place that make mistakes less likely.
cuponator3000 11
Hopefully you read that before you took them. Good luck op!