Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

Stuck

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

Whiplash

Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML