Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML
Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML
Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
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Top comments
Idiotskillme 20
It's easy, just cure yourself and then take the medicine!
jakers8424 18
Well that's a problem
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Comments (64)
Mixed_steel 23
Somehow I think the meds would be useless if you were able to use it exactly as instructed... o.O
worldclassrager 41
How does that work? Take a laxative beforehand?
saffy66 34
Imagine the years of research that went into making that.
idk_rose 25
asshole medicine. *excuse the pun*
ThrottleJockey 36
Were your first words when you read this, " well, Shit. "?
writerchic85 26
Maybe it means try your best to poop out anything right before taking it? Still doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I would call the pharmacy or the doctor to verify the meaning.
mishwarner 14
Haha. For best results eat more fibre and less processed food
samlovesham1234 9
I'd be like, what the hell kind of instruction is that?!
rebamoo 14
Yikes, forget that! You can just cure yourself with a whole foods, plant-based diet. Preferably raw til 4, but not required. Try it for 3-7 days and see what happens. Vegankit .com
sldvemwv 7
that's just stupid get miralax SPONSOR