OhHeySlogan
United States
Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML
Top comments
fortehlulocaust 6
Life can be a prick.
AngryBeaver32 8
Put a thick layer of glue on your fingers and let it dry completely. After it's good and dry, peel the glue off and it should pull at least some of the splinters out. Also, call your doctor if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours.
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Comments (238)
Random_ChickXD 0
I had those before... Hurts like a b****, huh.
Rachiebabyx 1
First off, why would a cactus be soft ? Or anything that wouldn't hurt you?
SirSquishyPants 1
I pillow is soft, yet you can be suffocated with one... So yes it can hurt you
aissie 2
Kittens are soft but will claw your eyes out in a second.
MrSaxMan 0
Because picking up a cactus is always a good idea
truebrotrue 7
*in your fingers
DinoDia 0
so you thought,"hey imma pick up a cactus that probably will prick me and show it to my mommy" without getting injured? Smart move
Ilikeurfmls 13
There is so many things wrong with that.
bizarre_ftw 22
So the fact that it was a cactus and you've never heard of a petable cactus, not to mention you're specifically advised to never grab Any cactus and being velvety and a cactus is a bad idea for survival just seemed like excessive cation to you?
mrahhhhh 21
Man, I can barely read that shit. Never thought I'd say this, but where's Clippy from Microsoft Word when you need him?
bizarre_ftw 22
Glad I could be of confusion to you. it's been my pleasure ^_^
bizarre_ftw 22
Go forth now and have a pleasant exchange of hours between the realms of twenty and four, though pray you make haste, for the time is dwindling and soon thou shalt find themselves remiss in their lamentable loss of the night's offering of bliss though seeing as my phrasing may per chance be befuddling to your wit and wonder allow me please good sir to tame my torrent tongue and speak to you the simplest versions that I knowth how, in my many days, to best say, that day was once young, though night is swift and the fretful morrow rises on the breast of a lost eve, so once and yet now twice make hast before your ever lessening minute is up. Any less confused? I hope not :)
mrahhhhh 21
Yeah, you basically said "It's late; here's your proper grammar. Now GTFO. Hard." Now it's your turn to translate. :) MEME KNOWLEDGE LEVEL OF AT LEAST 3 REQUIRED TO SOLVE: An adult mature member of the modern society, of a darkened skin pigmentation with ancestory reaching back to pre-historic neolithic roots, appears to have escaped from within my easy reach without verbal or written consent, within possession of a two-wheeled manually ridden vehicle named the 'bicycle' that originally belonged to me, and said gentlemen shows no intent to return my vehicle; and forthwith the actions commited by the darkly pigmented gentlemen - I strongly show disapproval for. N_G__ ST___ _Y B_K_.
leadman1989 16
Doth hath said plenty yet conveyed little. A verbose verbal volley as plentyful as the heavenly lights themselves but as vacuous and void as the blackholes that lurk amongst them.
bizarre_ftw 22
111 - way to be racist. Also, I wasn't so much saying gtfo as enjoy the rest of your day, however sadly there isn't much left to enjoy as it's almost over. :) I like yours better though
bizarre_ftw 22
112 - I may say little but I have quite a lot of fun doing so. After a while it's just trying to see how long and abnormally phrased you can make a simple concept. Also, nicely put :) *applause*
leadman1989 16
I know yours was epic though... I was sitting there and I think you said have a good day in like a whole paragraph. Lol :p
bizarre_ftw 22
That's the idea ^_^ and thank you *bows*
mrahhhhh 21
You'd think that all of you Texans would know a thing or two about cactuses.
MrSaxMan 0
Theres not that many cacti in texas dumb ass
mrahhhhh 21
"There's not that many cacti in Texas." Bull. Shit. I'm willing to bet money that Texas has the more wild cacti per square mile than any other state, besides Arizona and New Mexico.
OhHeySlogan 4
I'm the OP. On vacation in AZ... I don't know why it says I'm in Texas because I live in Massachusetts...
Freeze_fml 17
I haven't seen a wild cactus in all of Dallas county. But alright.
bizarre_ftw 22
Ah cool, fellow masshole, lucky dick though! You missed snowpocalypse
capnbzarr 43
Sounds like an Opuntia microdasys (aka bunny ears prickly pear). Yes, YDI. Just be glad it wasn't a Cylindropuntia bigelovii (aka teddy bear cholla) cactus. You learned you lesson the hard way, but not the hardest way.
HomeAl0ne 20
Yes, the hardest way is looking at one and saying to yourself "you know, i bet i could use that as a sanitary pad as i complete the next 20 km of my bike trip!"
chels1994 11
.....you're dumb.