Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved... - FML

By jan420 - 9/11/2012 22:03 - Norway - Moss

Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML

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Boozehound

Hello everyone!

Business savvy

By David3000 - 24/1/2009 07:15 - Australia

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

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By booty backfire - 1/5/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

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By BbyDelight - 27/4/2009 03:39 - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

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By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

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By wipeoffincircles - 27/5/2017 03:00 - United States - Gresham

Today, at work, my manager thought I needed to be showed how to use Windex. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2018 07:00 - United States - Fort Collins

Estoy Poopin

Today, I cracked my back while pooping at work. It was so bad I had to go to the hospital and get carried out of the toilet by paramedics. A $4,000 bill later, my coworkers will not shut up about how funny it is. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

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By patate - 2/5/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Three kids?

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

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By Cat vs. Dog - 28/4/2014 21:03 - United States - Laramie

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

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By Mighty Mouse - 21/5/2017 14:00

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

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By Takegami - 22/11/2018 23:00 - United States - Norge

Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

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By Anon - 8/2/2017 05:00 - Australia

Head in the Clouds

Today, my 33-year-old brother told my 10-year-old daughter that clouds are made by factories blowing smoke. My daughter laughed at him and he got upset. He still believed my dad's lie from 25 years ago. FML

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By horsefuck - 7/8/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

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By a - 1/3/2011 15:00

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

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By LonelyStranger - 2/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

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By CircleBruise - 8/6/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 23:48 - France

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 03:48 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

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By ZombieGirl - 11/8/2015 07:43 - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

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By nsJ - 15/7/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

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By deadgrass - 29/3/2012 00:44 - United States - Middletown

Heavenly Shower

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

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By mimimi - 30/12/2009 06:24 - France

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 07:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2011 14:31 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

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By laurenasabutton - 30/12/2014 13:07 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

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By mybfthecrossdresser - 20/1/2015 15:08 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

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By KelseNM - 1/11/2019 00:01

Scary story time!

Today, I had eye surgery to try and stop the progression of my eye disease. Being conscious for the surgery, I was given numbing drops before we began. My doctor started cutting my cornea before the drops took effect. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2016 13:48 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

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By anonymous - 22/12/2017 15:00

Today, I took the bus home after visiting a friend. Standing in front of my house, I realized that I had forgotten my keys. They were still in my car, which I had parked at my friend's place and forgotten. FML

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By FuckMyEyes - 26/12/2012 01:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

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By NOOOOOO - 16/8/2015 23:18 - United States

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

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By rolled - 27/1/2018 01:30

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

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By Violet - 5/4/2014 01:57 - United States - Exeter

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

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By wtf - 1/7/2017 16:00

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

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By babyblues - 20/11/2012 19:45 - United States - Woodhaven

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

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By "baow" - 17/3/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

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By mac cayne - 2/5/2014 03:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

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By Sam - 23/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

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Top comments

By fuzzbuck1 | 4

#5133623 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:49

Maybe cause your beauty was distracting to guests

By devil_laugh | 8

#5133619 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:48

Such an FML, sorry to hear that OP. -.-"

Comments

By devil_laugh | 8

#5133619 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:48

Such an FML, sorry to hear that OP. -.-"

Reply

BlowinChronic | 18

#5133965 - Saturday 10 November 2012 4:55

Yeah... It is such an FML isn't it! For a moment I was expecting a story where OP outlined how amazing their life is, but I was SHOCKED to find a story about how their life sucks!

Reply

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5133989 - Saturday 10 November 2012 5:05

I think you went a little too far with the sarcasm. Thin line between funny sarcasm and ignorance.

Reply

Curiousmaknae | 5

#5133995 - Saturday 10 November 2012 5:08

41- k

Reply

Meettitan | 14

#5133999 - Saturday 10 November 2012 5:10

44- Not so much ignorance, more just a flat out absence of any humor.

By fuzzbuck1 | 4

#5133623 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:49

Maybe cause your beauty was distracting to guests

Reply

samasara | 20

#5134299 - Saturday 10 November 2012 6:48

You, my friend, are a charmer.

Reply

brittanyrmh_ | 12

#5134436 - Saturday 10 November 2012 7:43

Too bad OP's a boy.

Reply

MoodyBlue320 | 11

#5134462 - Saturday 10 November 2012 7:54

Men can be beautiful.

Reply

letmehavemytea | 21

#5135272 - Saturday 10 November 2012 17:27

53- don't be stupid. Men aren't beautiful, they're DAMN BEAUTIFUL.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5135622 - Saturday 10 November 2012 22:08

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy.

Reply

samasara | 20

#5136226 - Sunday 11 November 2012 3:38

51. Where do you live? Are all guys around you ugly? There are a lot beautiful boys around me...

Reply

brittanyrmh_ | 12

#5138605 - Sunday 11 November 2012 23:16

I live in Canada. 'Nuff said.

By Argumental_Rhino | 8

#5133625 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:49

The best thing I can come up with for this FML is "What the fuck?"

Reply

Jordan740 | 6

#5133698 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:10

That's quite sad all you could come up with was "What the fuck".

Reply

Jordan740 | 6

#5133728 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:20

If all* Now I feel like an ass..

Reply

MindFreakazoid | 10

#5133733 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:24

Think harder

By Bloodjoker | 11

#5133627 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:50

Surprise! you've been omitted from the family :)

Reply

denden_mushi | 10

#5133769 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:39

I understand stripping the room bare, but removing his pictures too. He must have done something to really get his parents angry, or they want to slowly phase him out of the family for some reason.

Reply

graffitied_love | 20

#5133943 - Saturday 10 November 2012 4:42

Denden_mushi, I love your profile picture. One Piece is my favorite manga

By doglover100 | 28

#5133628 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:50

That sucks. Sorry OP.

Reply

cowycal | 4

#5133779 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:41

Generic.

By Ja777 | 9

#5133630 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:51

Wow! I would say maybe they emptied your room so they could do something else with a room you're not using anymore. But they've got no excuse for taking down the pictures...

By Sai_Run614 | 7

#5133640 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:53

Response: Because for some reason I have stupid hopes. Like the hope that my mother actually cares about me.

By RaveBlade | 4

#5133652 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:56

Good thing that you moved out then.

Reply

green2go | 14

#5136719 - Sunday 11 November 2012 7:47

11 love the profile pic lmao

By vbmg152 | 18

#5133658 - Saturday 10 November 2012 2:59

Well, if you hadn't visited them in a year, maybe they got their feelings hurt!
Maybe they thought you'd omitted them from your life!
Go home more often, not less! If you do, things will get better!

Reply

vbmg152 | 18

#5134638 - Saturday 10 November 2012 9:52

You have a point!

By CaptNomNom | 17

#5133666 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:01

Wow. You're parents are, putting it bluntly, dicks.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5133764 - Saturday 10 November 2012 3:37

Actually, his parents are, putting it bluntly, humans.

Reply

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5133993 - Saturday 10 November 2012 5:08

Bullshit they're humans. You're just covering up for your own kind, Penguin. Don't be fooled by his mind trickery.