Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML
Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML
Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML
Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML
Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
Today, I tried to sneak some cookies out of the pantry without my dog noticing. I dropped one, and now he thinks that every time I open the pantry, it’s snack time. He won’t stop barking at it. FML
Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML
Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML
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Top comments
insanesna1l 0
you have a super power. don't let it go to your thighs..uh I mean head
catkat1988 17
lol, aw, that sounds exactly like something my boyfriend would've said about me. Don't worry, though, he probably meant it in a loving way.
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Comments (101)
frear 0
YDI for being fat ass
Doortje 30
At least you have a funny husband :D
ulicksam 0
He's not calling you a pig. He's saying you can sniff out chocolate. I bet people have to walk on egg shells around you. Lighten up.
Hammer01 8
A FOX. !!!!!!! <3
miraggg 1
nice try, but no, this fml is not referring to a fox.
StephWALKER 17
Be proud
dangerous_D 0
No fat chicks.
kaycee1996 5
Fine, No ugly guys then
brendeynh 0
#41 must be fat.. sorry to hear that
visage 0
Easy there fatty. Don't get your king sized granny's all bunched up!
jiggyjiggz 0
What's with the rubs chubs? Roll yourself over to the freezer and get another scoop of Ben and Jerry's. you will feel better. I promise.
skyeyez9 25
It's not a sniffing ability. But An "I know all the hiding spots my husband uses to try and hide the chocolate from me" skill. This develops during childhood, when you search the house to see where your parents hid the christmas gifts.