Love: Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He... - FML

By Username - 10/08/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 494

You deserved it 7 131

The smell detective is on the case

Stop talking!

Judge not lest ye be judged

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 12/07/2010 23:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 687

You deserved it 29 571

How do I put it?

By weswithaute - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E," I replied. Without missing a beat, she says, "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 714

You deserved it 7 976

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - 15/10/2019 12:00

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 189

Bad encounter

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 05:00

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 317

Miss me yet?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 08:01

Today, after I kicked my boyfriend out, thinking the sudden separation would make him value our relationship more, I heard he's spent the last 3 weeks at his brother's constantly playing Xbox, hasn’t called me once, and now I’m hearing rumours he’s been taking other women home from sleazy bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 2 795

By onthemarket - 08/09/2010 19:46 - United States

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 4 151

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 163

You deserved it 13 728

Communication

By ohyaknow - 30/09/2010 09:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 968

You deserved it 37 488

The anti Jackson Galaxy

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 19:59

Today, I was feeding my neighbor's cat while they are out of town. As I set the food down, the cat bit me, drawing blood. I reflected that although I'm all that stands between it and starvation, even the cat doesn't want to be my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 107

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 232

You deserved it 5 013

By hopelesss88 - 17/06/2010 12:42 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 546

You deserved it 4 310

By dawn - 21/07/2012 16:24 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 974

You deserved it 21 768

By hatemyboss - 03/11/2011 16:13 - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 557

You deserved it 44 995

By exfishowner - 27/01/2019 12:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 331

Holiday cheer

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 08:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 127

By Username - 04/09/2010 13:24 - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 3 276

By Anonymous - 30/04/2013 18:24 - United States - Pompton Plains

Spicy

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 840

You deserved it 8 393

By loveade11 - 12/01/2010 19:28 - France

Spicy

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 688

You deserved it 35 407

By kimmybr - 22/09/2009 09:36 - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 649

You deserved it 5 571

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 752

You deserved it 2 724

By uugnfg - 27/07/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 558

You deserved it 30 295

By NaKreen - 30/07/2012 22:21 - Sweden - Bor

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123

You deserved it 31 955

By alainopotato - 02/01/2017 11:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up in a bathtub, completely soaked and covered in both mine and someone else's puke. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 416

You deserved it 5 328

By Anonymous - 01/01/2019 11:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I got rear ended. The guy flashed his lights at me to pull over, so I pulled into the side of the road. He drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 178

By eeelise5296 - 01/03/2012 20:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 3 187

By ouch - 19/12/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 293

You deserved it 3 785

By hikari_chan_xo - 28/03/2012 12:00 - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 494

You deserved it 21 212

It ain't over til it's over

By Anurag1903 - 08/02/2021 12:31 - India

Today, finally in a the right state of mind to move on from my ex, she dropped a nuke in my life by stating she's getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 741

Swiper No Swiping!

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 934

You deserved it 291

By isaidfuckoff - 27/06/2015 18:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 2 788

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 232

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 288

You deserved it 2 750

Take a number

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 00:01

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 255

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 02:01

Today, I revealed to my parents that I'm planning on opening a food truck in the next few months. They both laughed in my face and said I'll never make any money. I've been working on this for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 121

Be the hero

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 14:01

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 240

By brebre101 - 31/07/2011 09:05 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 113

You deserved it 4 897

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 054

You deserved it 4 982

By krissy8799 - 15/07/2011 04:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 627

You deserved it 9 943

By joolsie - 15/05/2013 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 763

You deserved it 3 575

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Top comments

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:53

So, if he's a dog, you're his bitch.

saIty 17

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:54

Later, as he gets more comfortable, he'll pee on you to mark you as his.

Comments

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:52

WTF thts creepy

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:59

It's better than him sniffing something else(;

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:02

Sniff him, see what he does

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:02

Does he show dominance like a dog too? ^_-

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:22

Pull a strand of his hair out at a daily basis

LiveLaughFML 10

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:32

am I the only one that thinks this is kind of cute? It's like when a girl wants to wear her boyfriends hoodie all the time because it has his scent on it(:

LaughinStock 16

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:54

32 I know what u mean but what the bf does is kinda creepy

Iamnotmyself 17

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:56

Retrain him, start with whips.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:57

Yeah you can usually smell someone without physically leaning over and sniffing them.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:06

Dump on spot.

toastyjustice 5

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:17

Wait till the humping phase starts.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:17

Bite his nose off.

flockz 19

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:19

the boy's hungry. roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give him an hour girl. win win.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:20

I do that too.. along with random gyrating.. it's just being fun and funny.. unless he actually looks and seems creepy when doing it.. then it's just, well, creepy

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:48

reminded me of robin's boyfriend who was actually a dog :)))

Futacy 29

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 22:59

just put a doggie cone on his head

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 23:18

Awe at least it will be easy to make friends at the dog park

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Thursday 11 August 2011 0:08

Time to take him to the vet to get neutered.

MaximilianMarche 0

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Thursday 11 August 2011 1:10

nice

Eaglestrike117 29

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Thursday 11 August 2011 3:12

Sniffs you like a dog? Does that mean he sniffs your ass?

andy_l 14

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Thursday 11 August 2011 5:25

Does he shit on the fire escape too?

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Thursday 11 August 2011 5:30

Maybe he is a werewolf. O.o

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Thursday 11 August 2011 5:46

sorry when someone said take a dump on him it bought up the memory of the underpass signs saying no dumping. I thought they meant no pooping under there....

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Thursday 11 August 2011 7:45

Hahaha saying what the fuck is like saying what te sex!

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Thursday 11 August 2011 7:58

haha?

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Friday 12 August 2011 7:11

at least he doesn't stick his nose in your meaty pussy and take a large inhale (4-5 seconds ). always makes me high for hours when I do that :(

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:52

so?

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:53

Maybe his job is a Snoopy mascot?

Wozuh 5

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:27

Ha ha no.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:19

More like a snoop dog mascot.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:48

Your guys jokes suck

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 21:14

The kings suck^

dragonstrike94 8

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Wednesday 12 September 2012 5:38

I'm so scared this might be about me Dx pr maybe the right word is worried

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:53

So, if he's a dog, you're his bitch.

birdofparadise 16

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:13

Exactly what I was thinking.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:38

Lmfao

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:21

He treats his bitch nice.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:22

He was trying to indirectly give you this message, as to not upset you.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:53

Well, he WAS raised by the local dogs...

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:59

Maybe he's trying to tell you something...

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:54

Maybe he thinks you smell delicious?

Iwashere12345 0

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:44

I think that would be even more alarming O.o

saIty 17

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:54

Later, as he gets more comfortable, he'll pee on you to mark you as his.

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:33

Hahaha

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:55

After that he'll start humping your ass in public.

ninjaghost2013 0

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:54

Just give him some dog biscuits and tell him to get down

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:57

Bark at him...

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:57

spray his nose with a water bottle until he learns not to do it.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 687

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 805