Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML
Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML
Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML
Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML
Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
Today, I tried to sneak some cookies out of the pantry without my dog noticing. I dropped one, and now he thinks that every time I open the pantry, it’s snack time. He won’t stop barking at it. FML
Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML
Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML
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Top comments
insanesna1l 0
you have a super power. don't let it go to your thighs..uh I mean head
catkat1988 17
lol, aw, that sounds exactly like something my boyfriend would've said about me. Don't worry, though, he probably meant it in a loving way.
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Comments (101)
caraphernelia 0
you'll never go hungry
BarneyA 0
They use dogs these days, honey. Everyone loves dogs!
5t3ff1k4h 47
I haven't heard of them using dogs instead of pigs. Pigs are usually correlated with truffles. In any event, a female dog is called a bitch. So, the husband either called her a pig, or a bitch, neither of which are flattering.
Quyzl 0
Join the X-Men.
fearfulsymmetry 1
I make fun of women and men equally. ;) And yes, quite a few teenagers have eating disorders, have you heard of binge eating? Anorexia and Bulimia are not the only eating disorders.
dasfro 2
so! how is this an fml?
justbigbs 6
Wow I love Chocolate, how about dead people, you would help the police out a lot
LoveMySoldier82 0
There is a problem if chocolate has to be hidden.
Sirin_fml 47
"Please don't post any comments which question the validity of an FML (accusing the original poster of submitting a fake story, *or arguing that an anecdote is not FML worthy or even not an FML*"
Zombie65 0
ok. and???????? what?????
Sirin_fml 47
You don't own me. Do you see a ring on my finger, girlfriend? I should have listened to my mom! Or... something, I never was good with ebonics.