Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML
Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML
Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML
Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML
Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
Today, I tried to sneak some cookies out of the pantry without my dog noticing. I dropped one, and now he thinks that every time I open the pantry, it’s snack time. He won’t stop barking at it. FML
Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML
Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML
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Top comments
insanesna1l 0
you have a super power. don't let it go to your thighs..uh I mean head
catkat1988 17
lol, aw, that sounds exactly like something my boyfriend would've said about me. Don't worry, though, he probably meant it in a loving way.
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Comments (101)
jokesta187 11
must have some bloodhound in you. somewhere down your family tree you great great great grandma was a dog lol
I_Hate_PDA 0
Truffles are actually sniffed out by pigs, not dogs.
Fjeze90 0
They sometimes use dogs as well! The white labrador kind.
Major_General 10
I take it then that you're upset your husband was preaching to the choir.
ImaginaryFoe 1
A. You can't get mad at the truth B. Your stepfather probably already knew But really, re-read A. It's not as if he actually called you a pig and I'm assuming he didn't threaten to divorce you unless you lost some weight. Lighten up (figuratively, of course).
Yog_Sahaw 0
Yeah, and? If he was actually whining about it, then you have a problem. It sounds to me like they were just joking around.
DjeePee 25
Isn't that a compliment? I don't have that superpower, but I'm not crazy about chocolate.
SadinSherman 16
Are you my mummy?
stevenmx86 8
Well ydi for being a hog with chocolate...
Rebel_Pebble 0
Those are some kick ass skillllzzzzz...
s_tricka 0
txt me. 904-303-5509
afdude87 6
oh yay wonder how many craigs list gay adds that phone number will be in.
tencentsakiss 19
Hahaha 75, I agree.
Yaggi 0
agreed with #26
TheCountess 4
You and every other woman. If that's the most FML-worthy thing you have going on in your life, I would say you have things pretty good.
mizluvsercat 0
agreed
dangerous_D 0
Here here.
DocBastard 40
The point of FML is not to post things like "Today, my dog died in my arms, my husband left me, the bank foreclosed on my house, my parents divorced, and an asteroid is heading towards Earth to wipe out mankind. FML" Who the hell wants to read that? The purpose is to post minor annoyances so that people can make fun of you and your idiocy.
Doortje 30
God damnit, I've been waiting forever for a story like that, Doc. What a waste of time.
grandpaearthling 2
it's not a super power, but at least you have a talent. get back to us after he comments on your sex drive. " she goes down on me like a pig at a trough " "she rides me like she stole me" etc...