Love: Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for... - FML

By oxbbabexo - 14/04/2009 13:45 - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 001

You deserved it 93 784

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dementia or hate? You decide

What?

By bushy brows - 04/01/2016 23:13 - United States - Prior Lake

Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I'm too nervous to take pictures of her 'cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 739

You deserved it 3 429

By karmamaybe - 03/12/2012 20:35 - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 607

You deserved it 3 687

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 216

You deserved it 7 426

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 976

You deserved it 37 040

By andimanastudent - 13/04/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 433

You deserved it 67 713

By JefferyT - 03/06/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 774

You deserved it 4 540

By BigFoot - 29/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 959

You deserved it 20 303

By bustedfornuthin - 08/09/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 807

You deserved it 2 484

By sandiego - 22/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 744

You deserved it 2 807

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 13:18 - United States - Allendale

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 216

You deserved it 44 000

By R2A8 - 01/03/2019 04:00 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 276

By frustrated - 13/01/2013 06:39 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 563

You deserved it 12 431

By pissedandcomputerless - 07/11/2013 18:42 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 971

You deserved it 8 659

By biblepain - 28/03/2015 02:12 - United States - Tucson

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 2 207

By Rage - 08/10/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 844

You deserved it 4 463

By Anonymous - 24/03/2011 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 364

You deserved it 3 266

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 985

You deserved it 303

By niii - 26/11/2008 04:26 - France

Spicy

Today, as I often do, I had sex in my old car. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we're still living with our parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 117

You deserved it 13 945

By Valedict-oops - 09/06/2017 00:00

Today, I walked at my graduation ceremony, proudly wearing my valedictorian cords. It turns out that, after some confusion on behalf of the student services office, I was neither valedictorian nor salutatorian (by 0.2 points). I'm dating the actual valedictorian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 303

You deserved it 458

Let down

By Anonymous - 27/08/2020 05:01

Today, after having spent 2 weeks planning my husband's surprise birthday party with his friends and family, we get in the car on the way to "dinner" and he says, "I really hope it's just the two of us tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 301

Water, water, everywhere

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 134

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 445

You deserved it 3 242

By doneanddone - 28/02/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 691

You deserved it 8 717

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 438

You deserved it 19 729

By rarara - 30/10/2012 21:26 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 089

You deserved it 3 038

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 13:01 - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 102

You deserved it 3 086

Bizarre Love Triangle

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was told by my boyfriend and best friend that they have feelings for each other. I also just found I was pregnant. We have 16 months left of our 18 month lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 17:32 - Japan - Yokohama

Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 770

You deserved it 4 487

By Rash - 06/12/2011 16:54 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 847

You deserved it 3 226

By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 1 829

By orilykid - 31/10/2012 17:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 017

You deserved it 1 946

By D - 09/09/2011 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 169

You deserved it 4 812

By animallover - 26/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 506

You deserved it 5 281

By disappointed - 07/06/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 586

You deserved it 5 817

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 654

You deserved it 595

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 05:30 - Canada - Campbell River

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 030

You deserved it 5 355

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 284

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 9 826

By C. Kronick - 11/02/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 5 446

By Robbins - 31/08/2009 02:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 640

You deserved it 5 364

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

Today, somebody lied to me over the internet. FML.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Which means he's a married 48 year old man from New Jersey - or some dude you know from work.

Comments

Trix_Disorder 20

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:01

LOL. Way to go. Is it possible you're a lesbian?

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Sunday 27 December 2009 3:19

Ignore the comments saying you can't fall in love with someone you "don't know" I'm pretty sure unless you have a highly intelligent schitzofrenia, you can't perfectly make yourself act like someone else. If you could, you can do it in real life too. So there's always a chance to "not know someone" in real life and online. And that person sucks by the way. Lying in general is shit.

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Monday 7 June 2010 4:41

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

FriesWithASideOf 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 20:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 4 August 2010 7:44

ha thats funny. but thats creepy cuz i use to live in chesterfield missouri and now i live in philly....the op lives in pa. hahaha i hope i met that 17 yr old gurl

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Saturday 7 April 2012 6:27

"I've fallen in love with him twice" and "one of them currently" makes you sound like 12 year old who falls in and out of "love" with different people that you (obviously) don't know on a weekly basis. Sad.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

owned

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Which means he's a married 48 year old man from New Jersey - or some dude you know from work.

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Sunday 10 November 2013 17:54

She should have called nev.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

Today, somebody lied to me over the internet. FML.

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 2:48

^^ this.. Almost a year old, and still phresh..

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

heartemopants 18

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Friday 16 November 2012 6:08

A year old and still fresh

heartemopants 18

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Friday 16 November 2012 6:08

A year old and still fresh

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Monday 16 March 2015 5:12

6 years and still fresh

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

Maby one of his friends was jokin, i know my mates would do that ¬¬ (lol @ comment 2)

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 10 June 2010 6:49

Damnnnn, number six is hot!! sexyy!!

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 20 August 2009 6:05

Dude . . . 5 words or less please

nobridgejustwate 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 6:04

you say, using six words.

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 15:37

hahaha nice one ;)

michaelwilliam 0

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Wednesday 21 April 2010 0:55

no he used 5 words and one number :P

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Thursday 30 September 2010 10:32

agree

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Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:28

yup 5 words and a number

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:12

The op never mentioned that she hadn't seen his face or physical appearance. Stop making assumptions.

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 0:11

If the op had seen or heard ""him I'm pretty sure she would have figured out that she was infact talking to a girl so stop trying to b a smart ass if u can't infer simple things

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 2:41

It Was Just Infatuation!!:P

SS60 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

4 years and you didn't realize? c'mon, every time it was "his" time of the month should have been some kind of a hint...

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Thursday 10 June 2010 6:51

LOL. trueeee.

matthew5555555 11

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 4:23

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHThat made my day and I don't know why.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

that will teach you not to fall in love with someone on the internet without knowing what they look like

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

17 minus 4 ... so you began talking to a 13 year old. Sexy.

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Monday 19 July 2010 23:09

lmao you no how to pick you relationships .. future pedophile .. its cute

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Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:10

true... haha

ColdplaySucks 18

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Saturday 22 June 2013 5:53

It's possible that if the girl lied about her gender, it's also possible that she lied about her age. Either way four years in tricking OP should be a record.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 75

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 44