Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for... - FML

By oxbbabexo - 14/4/2009 13:45 - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML

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Proactive

This is fine

Alternative medicine is bull

By ac-hoo - 4/2/2012 14:52 - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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By anonymous - 17/9/2013 17:52 - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

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By anon - 31/5/2012 13:43 - United Kingdom - Wareham

Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying my make-up. My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming my crotch. FML

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By ouch - 29/2/2012 19:18 - Italy

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

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By "Gvinson36" - 6/9/2017 01:30

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 06:18 - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

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By piratequeen - 7/8/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

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By AGluckily - 22/3/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was with a group of friends at a bar, and we were all talking about whether we were moaners, screamers, or quiet during sex. My boyfriend said that he was a moaner, which I contradicted. Completely straightfaced, he said, "Well, I am when it's good." FML

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By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

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By melyeah - 2/3/2013 14:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, to avoid a massive delay on our scheduled flight at the airport, we were generously moved to an earlier flight home. An hour later, our new flight had been cancelled and they told us we'd be stuck at the airport overnight. Our original flight took off fine. FML

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By J - 24/11/2009 18:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I watched Paranormal Activity which is known to be the scariest film ever. After the film, I went to brush my teeth and out of the corner of my eye I saw the bathroom door closing by itself. I jumped out of my skin and stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush. It was just my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

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By suckmeoff - 12/4/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

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By Lokimagnus - 25/3/2020 23:05

Rookie mistake

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

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By anonymous - 22/12/2017 15:00

Today, I took the bus home after visiting a friend. Standing in front of my house, I realized that I had forgotten my keys. They were still in my car, which I had parked at my friend's place and forgotten. FML

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By innocentbarista - 17/3/2013 19:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

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By bready - 16/2/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

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By bloodyLIP - 14/5/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

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By JaneSimple - 16/8/2020 14:02

Brain worms

Today, my fiancé forgot my birthday. I did however remember to tell him we were sending his mother flowers, for her birthday, which falls a week after mine. We've been together 10 years. I sent her flowers on my birthday. FML

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By ashley - 30/4/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

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By NoThanksGrandma - 20/11/2011 07:37

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2014 15:54 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

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By difference between birds and mammals. - 3/9/2012 00:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

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By TheoBuckner - 21/1/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

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By ari - 27/7/2019 20:00

Today, while on a road trip, I went to the bathroom at a gas station and locked the door. Turns out the lock was automatic and I'd actually unlocked it. My mom walked in on me, but instead of apologizing and leaving, she yelled at me in the middle of the gas station. FML

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By MandyPanda - 25/5/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

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By desigirl - 10/11/2015 01:03 - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

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By Enko - 9/11/2008 07:43 - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

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By mynoseburns - 22/2/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

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By BrownDump - 14/5/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

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By Missedtheboat - 30/10/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 07:08 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2012 12:08 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

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By steven - 24/1/2013 05:16 - United States - Orinda

Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

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By wtf babe? - 29/6/2020 14:02

Intruders!

Today, I came home to find my husband allowed several of his family members to move in without even asking me. His parents are in the spare room, his brother and wife are in my den and they expect me to make my daughter share her bed with two older cousins. I’m ready to take the kids and leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

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By PuppyLove2009 - 13/11/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

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By Burny - 12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By volleyballgirl12 - 17/1/2010 06:31 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

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Top comments

By kristenlee | 3

#110744 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

Today, somebody lied to me over the internet. FML.

By RiverRelic | 0

#110741 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Which means he's a married 48 year old man from New Jersey - or some dude you know from work.

COMMENTS

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#110724 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:01

LOL. Way to go.
Is it possible you're a lesbian?

Reply

RyanKaufman | 7

#738218 - Sunday 27 December 2010 3:19

Ignore the comments saying you can't fall in love with someone you "don't know"
I'm pretty sure unless you have a highly intelligent schitzofrenia, you can't perfectly make yourself act like someone else. If you could, you can do it in real life too. So there's always a chance to "not know someone" in real life and online. And that person sucks by the way. Lying in general is shit.

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#1022263 - Monday 7 June 2010 4:41

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

FriesWithASideOf | 0

#1102027 - Saturday 17 July 2010 20:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

ilyuhms | 0

#1186263 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 7:44

ha thats funny. but thats creepy cuz i use to live in chesterfield missouri and now i live in philly....the op lives in pa. hahaha i hope i met that 17 yr old gurl

Reply

alliewillie | 22

#4269899 - Saturday 7 April 2012 6:27

"I've fallen in love with him twice" and "one of them currently" makes you sound like 12 year old who falls in and out of "love" with different people that you (obviously) don't know on a weekly basis.

Sad.

By i8anfml | 0

#110732 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:04

owned

By RiverRelic | 0

#110741 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:07

Which means he's a married 48 year old man from New Jersey - or some dude you know from work.

Reply

Peachy2392 | 26

#5749637 - Sunday 10 November 2013 17:54

She should have called nev.

By kristenlee | 3

#110744 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

Today, somebody lied to me over the internet. FML.

Reply

Secret_Fire_King | 0

#798949 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 2:48

^^ this.. Almost a year old, and still phresh..

Reply

AnwarK95 | 1

#3165046 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 9:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

heartemopants | 18

#5153964 - Friday 16 November 2012 6:08

A year old and still fresh

Reply

heartemopants | 18

#5153967 - Friday 16 November 2012 6:08

A year old and still fresh

Reply

LittleBells | 17

#6233515 - Monday 16 March 2015 5:12

6 years and still fresh

By lol_Owned | 0

#110745 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:08

Maby one of his friends was jokin, i know my mates would do that ¬¬ (lol @ comment 2)

By ohdamn_fml | 2

#110748 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

ftsk117 | 0

#1026014 - Thursday 10 June 2010 6:49

Damnnnn, number six is hot!! sexyy!!

By fermata | 0

#110749 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Bluestribute | 0

#500942 - Thursday 20 August 2009 6:05

Dude . . . 5 words or less please

Reply

nobridgejustwate | 0

#857093 - Monday 15 February 2010 6:04

you say, using six words.

Reply

greekboy92 | 0

#928859 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 15:37

hahaha nice one ;)

Reply

michaelwilliam | 0

#982768 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 0:55

no he used 5 words and one number :P

Reply

usckanona21 | 0

#1476265 - Thursday 30 September 2010 10:32

agree

Reply

dabears4life | 0

#2685544 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:28

yup 5 words and a number

Reply

jlstewart | 3

#3486070 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:12

The op never mentioned that she hadn't seen his face or physical appearance. Stop making assumptions.

Reply

aspopstar3 | 7

#3527272 - Wednesday 2 November 2011 0:11

If the op had seen or heard ""him I'm pretty sure she would have figured out that she was infact talking to a girl so stop trying to b a smart ass if u can't infer simple things

Reply

AyyDiana | 2

#3932735 - Tuesday 24 January 2012 2:41

It Was Just Infatuation!!:P

By SS60 | 0

#110751 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

4 years and you didn't realize? c'mon, every time it was "his" time of the month should have been some kind of a hint...

Reply

ftsk117 | 0

#1026016 - Thursday 10 June 2010 6:51

LOL. trueeee.

Reply

matthew5555555 | 11

#5819433 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 4:23

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHThat made my day and I don't know why.

By lmao212 | 0

#110752 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

that will teach you not to fall in love with someone on the internet without knowing what they look like

By cduquesne | 0

#110755 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 20:10

17 minus 4 ... so you began talking to a 13 year old. Sexy.

Reply

golfpro908 | 0

#1111155 - Monday 19 July 2010 23:09

lmao you no how to pick you relationships .. future pedophile .. its cute

Reply

dajojonater | 3

#2300919 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 2:10

true... haha

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5546291 - Saturday 22 June 2013 5:53

It's possible that if the girl lied about her gender, it's also possible that she lied about her age. Either way four years in tricking OP should be a record.