Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML
Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML
Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML
Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML
Today, while I was hanging out with friends, a new girl joined us. One of my friends asked how therapy was going, as I’ve been working through childhood trauma for years. New girl launched into an angry rant about therapy and psychology. Turns out she’s a die-hard/staunch Scientologist. She wanted me to join her church. FML
Today, I introduced my two crazy friends who are both into QAnon to each other. It went so poorly that now they fight online over who has better facts, and they both complain to me about the other. FML
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML
Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Pretty sure the comments are going to be stopped pretty soon. If not, all hail a religion war.
22cute 17
Actually, that theory makes MORE sense from a biological standpoint than virgin birth.
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Comments (179)
THE_A_TEEN 28
I believe this. My non-existant Psychic powers and my faux ability to walk on water is enough evidence to prove it. Let a new religion begin, we'll call it: Jebus Alienality
jujubunni5 9
Oops (; hopefully you sleep Alone
swgipe 9
If you have never seen the YouTube video "An Athiest Meets God," I suggest you look it up (:
midgles 6
But wait, if that was how humans started, how did Jesus rape a HUMAN woman?
Shelta957 13
That would be so much cooler than whats written in the bible
williamcarter93 13
where did this "Earth Woman' come from for jesus to rape if he created all people? Something doesn't add up
supermann13_fml 11
I agree
LennyComa 39
Can you disprove this theory?
Jasonf6 0
We're not?
Vert90 11
Wait, so you guys DON'T believe in Alien Jesus? Shit. I thought I was being cool telling people with I believed in... Oh well. At least it explains the no friends... :foreveralone:
hungry1 2
Now I'm not saying it was aliens that did it, but it was ALIENS