Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
Nish007 15
Racoona matata my friend
KainMoogle 21
You should have payed off your house loan, now nook is out for blood!
JKROB 16
Want to borrow my shotgun? you can out some salt shot in it just to scare the shit out if them.
shaytards_fml 9
turn on your vacuum and attack them lol
jude_iscariot 7
Do you own a broom? Swing it at them. Easily solved.
invalid240 9
YDI for being a coward.
smokecloud_ 37
Have you ever been cornered by a raccoon? Those ******* are mean.
iluvferrets 13
My husband and I were camping in September and there was a raccoon that decided our hot dog buns and tackle box were his. That darn thing stood on its hind legs and hissed before leaving the tackle box. It was really cute though.
jayloopo 2
get a baseball bat and go to town on them raccoons
Hiphuray4peas 27
That would scare the shit out of me. Don't mess with raccoons, they carry parasites that can make you go blind.
rockhead1270 5
Shoot them
XBurytheCastleX 25
Try a water gun and a tin full of coins. It might work. Animal control will just kill them, even though they have rights to live.