Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
splash them with water
dragon5assassin 5
Call a redneck and tell him free food on the porch lol
zahidnasir 22
now tell us what was your fault that led to this?
Pique_fml 8
stop being a lil bitch
kellyem2 20
Racoons have a very high likelihood of having rabies. I'm going to second what most people are saying here and recommend you call a professional.
suri23 11
Hella yes!
SgtAssCheeks 21
Harassed by racoons at your front door? Use your 2nd constitutional right and reclaim your FREEDOM
illmatic2 16
Quit being a bitch and grab a baseball bat
Km1490 20
Cant you throw something at them? not food of course cause then they wont leave your door..
JanisEvans 10
Grow a pair. Raccoons are really friendly.
pandalover69 26
You obviously don't know anything about raccoons because the grown ones are no where near friendly, but the babies are. Baby raccoons are sweat hearts, then they grow up and become assholes. Sounds like another species I know of.
Nakoma_fml 10
The raccoons on my base are super friendly, regardless of age. I spent a shift teaching one to sit and wait until I said it was okay to eat the banana I was feeding him.
worldclassrager 41
Are you alone or something? Someone should be around to give you a hand and if needed maybe going patio to patio and coming out another door might lure them away from your door to theirs......actually don't do that...the'll be right back...get an animal whisperer to get them out...