Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
Ohnoitsapenguin 5
I'm kinda terrified of raccoons!!! :/
pwnman 33
I think you should turn music up so loud they run away...
stefstefx 8
Order a pizza, problem solved :D
NicetiesofLife 11
If there's anyone you know who you think isn't brave but pretends to be...this might be a nice opportunity to find out...
thatsabiggun 11
Look on the bright the side, at least you got locked in your apartment, not out!
tforbes3 1
Coons? Well when raccoons tried to get in our back porch, Momma just chase em off with a broom. - Forest Gump
drowningfishy 7
There was a 'coon by where I work that used to do that. Key words "USED TO". Next time I had the patrol I swerved like I was going to run him over. Now he accociates me as the crazy human who will run his 'coon hide over next time.
mk8833 9
Call animal control, raccoons are mean and carry diseases
Zehla 7
O.o you should probably call animal control. Raccoons only lose their fear of humans if someone's been feeding them. Or if they're rabid.
erfyerf 14
Call animal control