Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
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Top comments
chevygirl23 17
Call animal control
Trym 7
Hiss back! Display your dominance!
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Comments (157)
Muttley9 13
Very sorry to hear this, raccoon's are dangerous and could be rabid, we certainly don't want you getting bitten and have to endure a great many injections as a precaution; the animal control idea was the verty best one. Hope everything works out... but you need to ask... why?
_just_me__ 7
That just means they like you
pdp_fml 21
Play classical music loudly for them, that should do the trick.
sleepyglowstar 32
seriously throw something at the you wuss
zacsmith115 9
Shoot the little *******!
MedChew 19
1. Put on a zorro-esque mask 2. Live among them 3. Earn their trust 4. Subvert their gangster culture from within
Tuttiefrutti 9
c'mon. man up and do something about it you have all of our support.... I'm not running away, don't be silly
0neiros 14
2 Words...Vacuum Cleaner. Fire it up, and shove it out the door. They'll scatter since they HATE doing Housework.
Labrynthian 6
What are you, 6? Don't get bullied by raccoons, come on. Wtf?
mirandasto98 2
Video tape!! Put on YouTube comment the link!